Legacy of Sly: A New Thief
by KeyFire
Summary: Well, we all know what happened after Sly 3. What if Sly 4 didn't quite happen? This story follows the adventures of the next generation of the Cooper Clan. Characters from the games will be minimally involved. Lots of locations that are similar to the ones from the games. Don't read it if you don't like OCs. T for some violence and romance. UPDATE: ON HIATUS UNTIL NEXT CHAPTER
1. The First Big Heist

CHAPTER 1: THE FIRST BIG HEIST

—

WARNING. THIS IS AN OC-FOCUSED STORY IN THE SLY COOPER UNIVERSE. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THESE TYPES OF STORIES, DON'T READ THIS ONE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

This story essentially assumes all the events up to the ending of Sly 3 are canon. Some elements of Sly 4 may be mentioned, but due to the ending of that game, most of that story will not be taken into account during the course of this story. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. AGAIN.

Due to the aforementioned, this story will proceed as if Sly and Carmelita never broke up. This story focuses on their hypothetical child once he has grown old enough to take up the cane (17 years old). Aside from mentions of the original cast of the Sly games, and a whole lot of scenarios that will seem eerily familiar, the original Cooper gang will not show up much in this story. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. THRICE.

Sly Cooper and all related properties are copyrighted to… Sucker Punch, I think. DON'T SUE ME. PLEASE.

Story's rated T mainly because, while we won't be getting into the graphic depictions of… stuff… I have plans. Oh, yes, many plans. All the plans.

Okay, with all that out of the way, let's begin.

—

A rope fell down from above, uncoiling itself as it dropped. The line stopped just before it hit the ground, creating the faintest of breezes as it swung side to side like a pendulum gone mad, before eventually settling into a faint sway in the currents caused by the cranked-up air conditioning. Even though night had fallen, the summer sun had caused some serious heat.

The rope barely increased its sway as a shadow slid down it, a glint of gold the only detail conspicuous enough to betray its presence to even the most perceptive of those observing. Landing lightly on both feet, the figure scanned the room before creeping into what little light still dared to seep through the enormous windows.

Wearing that iconic cap, the half-coon grinned. He had gotten quite a bit of his father's genes in him; only an unusual point in his ears and a lighter shade of eye betrayed the other half of his heritage there. A light brown jacket mostly concealed both the family heirloom he cherished so much and a dark blue shirt, and he wore a simple pair of featureless grey jeans that matched his fur almost perfectly. A pair of blue gloves kept his grip from slipping as he twirled the hooked cane that he had inherited not so very long ago. The grin on his face revealed another piece of his heritage, as his sharp canines weren't quite the sort you'd see on raccoons, but at a glance, it was difficult to tell that he was anything more than your average everyday ringtail.

Pulling what appeared to be a pair of slightly odd binoculars out of the small pocket strapped to his leg, he brought it to his face. The Binocu-com sprung to life, answering a call he knew was coming almost as soon as it activated.

"List, you there?" a calm female voice asked, the image on the screen not having loaded. He had been warned that the building's thick walls would interfere with the Binocu-com signal a bit, so he wasn't worried.

"Read you loud and clear, Abby." he replied, still grinning. "So far, so good. No security in sight. You sure you've got those cameras on lockdown?"

"Of course. Really, it was easy. These cameras are archaic; the hardest part was actually finding the control code under all this inefficient spaghetti logic. I mean, they actually hardcoded each-"

"Abby, I keep telling you that I don't understand a word you say when you go all geek on me."

"No appreciation for technology. Anyways, you remember your target, right?"

"Yeah. This museum is supposed to be secretly owned by the mafia, according to your ThiefNet buddies. The stuff that's displayed is all on the up-and-up, so we won't touch it, but they put their more… questionable… goods in a secret storage area inside the off-limits building. We're here to break in and take as much as we can carry. Where's Rick?"

"Good question. He hasn't checked in yet. I've got my gear and I'm ready to help, but I need you to get me to the security control booth. Until I'm there, all I can do is throw looping footage into the camera feed for you."

"Eh, he'll turn up. Meanwhile, the booth. Where is that from here?"

"Not far, but you'll have to find a way up to that balcony on your own. I don't think I see one…"

"No problem. I'll let you know when I've got the door for you."

The Binocu-com auto-ended the call as List placed it back in his pocket. The lights flickered on, the sun having dipped below the sky, and confirmed the thief's suspicions.

Let's have a quick situation check, shall we? The thief, List Cooper, stood in the middle of a frankly enormous room, next to the rope he had used to enter. The room was more of a glorified lounge than anything, but was impressive nonetheless, stocked with quite a few exhibits that didn't really fit anywhere else in the museum, ranging from one of the first globes made after heliocentrism was popularly accepted to an honest-to-goodness Plesiosaurus skeleton hanging from the ceiling. A balcony on the east side overlooked the room, used by security as it was a short walk through some of the back halls to the security control booth from there.

Quickly placing his cane in his mouth, List began to crawl up a pipe on the wall with startling ease. It took him seconds to reach the end of the pipe, at which point he kicked off the wall, landing on the suspended skeleton.

"Good thing this old fossil's still sturdy." he chuckled, before leaping off of the relic and onto the balcony. He landed nicely, transferring the momentum into the Stealth Slide his family had passed down. Gliding quietly through the halls, he was pleased to see that so few guards were on patrol; those that were, he handily avoided, staying well out of their line of sight. Stopping just in front of the armored door, he grinned.

One picked lock later, List peeked into the room, finding it to be… empty. A relief, but a bit unusual. Slipping inside, he pulled out his Binocu-com again.

"Abby, I'm in the control booth. You're at the south side security elevator, right? Unlocking it now."

"It's open. I'll be there shortly, so save me a seat."

"Can do."

Precisely sixty-two seconds passed until the door opened again. The half-coon thief tensed up, but relaxed when he saw who was coming through the door.

Dressed in overalls, half-rim glasses, and a black Bat Signal shirt, Abigail wasn't a looker, but the light-furred jackal was one hell of a thinker. Intelligent blue eyes darted around the room, quickly evaluating the security setup, as she set down the small backpack of gear she had brought to expedite the job. Smaller in stature than List, she was no physical powerhouse, but he knew from experience that she carried her heavily modified BB gun in her bag at all times, and was a decent enough shot with it, having invented ammo that could put people to sleep, set them on fire, hit them with some wacky hallucinogen; she carried ammunition for every occasion, in the form of many small labeled packets of BBs.

"Huh. Looks like… less guards than we prepped for. That's good, but a little odd." she noted, as List walked to the door. She took her seat in front of the video screens and began to type away at the computer. "I'll bring down the defenses as you reach them, then reengage them to cover your tracks. Once you're in the courtyard, I'll head back down and around. Be ready to open the door for me again."

"I know the plan. Just make sure you have control over the cameras and the gates. I don't want any trace of our being here."

"We brought Rick along."

"…Yeah, let's just get in and out as fast as we can."

With that, List began to sprint through the halls, not worried about the guards now that Abby owned the system. It didn't take him long to get to the balcony overlooking the inner courtyard of the museum, the gate closing again behind him. His Binocu-com chirped, but this time the thief allowed it to transfer to his earpiece.

"I've got the rest of the gates you need open. Nobody should get suspicious if I leave them open. Rick will help you make an entrance, then he'll come back around to come in through the side with me, so I'll start heading around now. Good luck."

"Thanks, Abby." List grinned, before hopping onto one of the ropes connecting the balconies of the different buildings. About two minutes later, he turned a corner inside one of the buildings and bumped into something big and fuzzy. Less than a second later, he was being smushed in one of his best friend's patented literal bear hugs.

Rick was a Canadian Grizzly, about a head taller than List, and while his accent was faint, he loved his home country. He was never exactly the cleverest guy, but he had a big heart and a strong arm, and that got him through life just fine. Wearing a simple pair of shorts and a brown shirt, he was scary as hell to look at, but a big old softy inside. Sure, he'd beat the crap out of bad guys without blinking, but to anyone else he might as well be made of fuzzy Jell-O. He was also their driver, and my oh my did he love his vehicles.

"It's good to see you, buddy!" he laughed.

"Good… To see you… Too, Rick!" List gasped, as the bear suddenly realized he was squeezing his friend too hard. Dropped unceremoniously on the floor, the thief grinned weakly up at the muscle, pulled himself up to his feet, and led his friend out to the next part of the plan.

"That window is reinforced, Rick. We need to hit it with something heavy to get it open. My cane isn't gonna cut it, and it's not going to cut it open either. Do you think you can hit it with something from here?" List asked, pointing with his cane to the window he knew led to the area he wanted to get into.

"Never fear! Rick the Mighty is more than capable of destroying a dumb window!"

With that, Rick grabbed a table from inside and hurled it at the window. It was a direct hit, smashing through the reinforced window with ease and landing inside the room.

"Just hope you didn't hit anything valuable in there, Rick. Get going, I'll head inside and open the door for you and Abby." List grinned. The grizzly nodded, then ran off towards the stairs.

List smiled, before hopping onto the rope connecting the balcony he was standing on to the balcony he wanted. One short rope walk later, he hopped through the window, landed on the upturned table, and stepped down into the room proper to find it filled with a veritable treasure trove of stolen goods from all over the world. A huge grin broke out on his face as he walked to the door, picking the lock with effortless ease.

Both Rick and Abby walked in, looking at the stash with evident awe. "This stuff has to be worth thousands. Maybe millions…" Abby remarked, beaming. "Not bad for our first 'real' heist, huh? I brought the bags up, too."

The three set to work filling two large bags with everything in the room. It was a bit of a tight fit, but there was a reason. Once they had cleaned it out, Rick picked up both bags with ease and they all turned to the door…

…to find a smiling girl standing in their way. Red eyes, arms folded behind her back, the tigress looked no older than any of them, but something about her made List nervous. She was evidently athletic, had cinnamon fur and maroon hair, and was actually quite attractive, all things considered. The tigress was wearing the badge of an Interpol Officer, pinned to her dark brown jacket, along with a black shirt, a pair of blue jeans, and a very conspicuous shock pistol strapped to her side.

"I'm afraid all three of you are under arrest for… Well, I'm sure you all know what you're under arrest for. Please drop the bags and come with me." she asked, a delicate French accent hanging heavy over her words and her tone quite pleasant, especially considering the circumstances.

"The Mighty Rick bends to no one's will!" Rick boomed, looking as if he was about to push past her and head down the stairs… until he found himself walking into the Cooper Cane. Looking over at the now-serious List, he gave an enquiring look at his friend.

"Abby, watch Rick's back." List remarked, a split second before his cane was hurtling down towards the officer's head. He was surprised to find the shock pistol in the path of his cane just before it impacted, the solid metal too hard to break through. His cane bounced off, and he got another look at the tigress' face. He really wished he hadn't.

She was wearing a slasher smile now, her eyes burning with something in between excitement and rage. Gone was the delicate female that had been standing there just moments before; whoever this officer was, she was _not_ to be trifled with.

Bringing the shock pistol up, she whacked List upside the head with it, discharging it mid-swing. He had no time to block, and took a rather nasty shock. Stumbling back, the half-coon, half-fox thief had to quickly regain his footing to avoid a follow-up blast from the officer's gun.

"Guys, run! I'll keep her busy!" he yelled, snapping his teammates out of their stupor at this sudden change of mood. Abby pulled her BB out as they both ran out of the door, slamming it shut behind them. A click indicated that it was now locked, to which the tigress hissed in disappointment before turning her attention back to the thief at hand. List quickly dropped into a combat stance, lightly bouncing from one foot to another as he quickly tried to think of an alternate route to their van.

"…Damn. I was hoping to get all three of you in one fell swoop. But I suppose you'll have to do…" the officer muttered, before pulling up her shock pistol again, List finding himself staring down the barrel of the weapon. Just then, an idea took form in his mind, and he quickly batted away the zealous officer's gun with an expert flick of his cane before breaking into a sprint, headed down the long hallway outside of the room. Hissing and cursing, the officer sprinted after him, aiming and firing as she ran.

Twenty seconds later, they both approached the end of the hallway. Another large, but reinforced, window stood at the end, and List had no time to pick the locks on one of the side doors - standing still for a moment would end with him in cuffs.

He had a plan, though.

"You know, I usually enjoy it when a woman wants my tail so bad. Right now, though…" he called over his shoulder, intentionally leaving that last bit hanging in the air. A roar of anger told him she had caught his meaning, and he dodged to one side as a series of blasts flew towards him. Each blast hit the window hard, leaving him with a huge grin on his face as he leapt towards it.

The glass shattered, and List tucked and rolled to a stop on the balcony beyond. Not a long stop, though, as he took off again to the roof not so far away when the officer leapt out behind him, landing perfectly on her feet. Their chase resumed across the rooftops, List ducking behind whatever cover he could find to escape the officer's spot-on shots.

However, the thief came to an abrupt stop when he ran out of roof, skidding to a halt at the edge of a rooftop that presented neither another close enough to jump to or a connecting cable or spire to help with the crossing. He slowly turned around, raising his free hand as he watched the officer approach, that wild look still on her face.

"A rooftop rendezvous on a warm Paris night. How romantic…" he remarked, grinning.

"Ugh. Be full of yourself at someone else, _criminal_." the officer replied, stopping. "Drop the cane and put both hands in the air."

"Officer, you wound me. We don't even know each other's names, and here you are, throwing around hurtful accusations like that. I'm no common criminal, after all… I'm a thief." he replied, giving her a faux pout, before grinning again. "No can do. This cane is too precious for me to just drop."

"You're right about one thing. You're too infuriating to be a common criminal." she hissed. "And I don't need your name to spot your kind a mile away. If you don't comply, I will shoot you."

"Under normal circumstances, I might invite you out to a nice dinner to see if I can change your mind. Unfortunately for both of us, you've got me at gunpoint. How about we compromise? I raise both my hands, but I hang onto the cane?" he asked, still grinning.

"Under normal circumstances, I might have even agreed to that. Unfortunately, _you're a criminal_. And you don't have any bargaining power. Both hands. Drop cane." she told him, her accent adding some extra venom to her words.

"You wound me again, officer. But like I said, this cane is too valuable to simply drop. Whether you believe me or not, it's also rightfully mine. Can't we talk this out, officer…?"

"Since you seem so determined to learn my name, it's Alayna. Constable Alayna Marais. Now drop the cane."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Alayna. I'm List Cooper, Master Thief in the making. And I'm afraid spending time in jail isn't on the checklist for that."

"…List? Your name is List? What the hell kind of name is List?" she asked, confused. The thief heard the van pull up below, and suppressed a grin.

"It's an English name by origin. It means 'cunning'. And to have gotten up here alone with someone so beautiful as yourself, I suppose I must be that or lucky." he shrugged, a confident smirk on his face.

"Neither, seeing as I'm going to shoot you, put you in handcuffs, and toss you in jail."

"Sorry, but I'm going to have to decline…"

And with that, List leaned backwards, toppling over the edge. The look of shock on the officer's face was absolutely priceless, as the agile thief spun in midair, looking downwards. Reaching out his cane, he snagged a conveniently place laundry line, swung around it at high speed, and launched himself expertly into the open back of the van.

"Rick?"

"Yeah?"

"Drive."

The Cooper Van took off, this one similar to but less beaten up than the van of the previous generation. The impotent scream of rage that followed them brought a smile to List's face, as the van swerved to avoid a few expertly placed shock blasts.

"Somehow, I feel like we haven't seen the last of that officer…" Abby remarked, looking back with worry on her face.

"I don't doubt it. She was the persistent type." List replied, still grinning. "We should probably keep an eye out for her in the future."

"Well, our first heist went off without us failing. I call that a win!" Rick said, as they finally got out of the Constable's shock pistol range.

"It is a win, Rick. It is a win. Now, who's up for a week under the radar in… Let's say London."

"You already know the answer. I'll set up some false passports and tickets." Abby nodded, already typing away at her laptop.

"I'll stash the van!" Rick offered, a smile on his face.

"Good to hear. I'll see if I can gather a little intel under the radar…"

—

So, there you have it. The first in what I hope to make a long-lasting series. If you haven't played Sly 2, you _might_ not have noticed that this entire chapter is basically the intro mission to that game with different reasons. That is going to be a theme. Many of these chapters will chronicle all or part of the gang's time in one of the many environments from around the various games, or places similar. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. FOR THE FOURTH FREAKIN' TIME.

Now, I'm no hack, so I won't be ripping off anyone's reason to be there. This whole thing is going to be getting to the actual plot next chapter, we won't see any romance for another few chapters, but I plan on keeping the action coming. No, we won't be retreading the Clockwerk parts. This will be ever so much more interesting.

Review if you have something to say. Like if you liked. If you didn't like it, then go away and never return.

This is KeyFire, and I'm out of here. See you whenever I get this next chapter up.

 _Next time! The Cooper Gang preps to relax in London, but what did List mean by 'gathering intel'? And just how did that lone Constable end up in their way just as their heist concluded? Find out the answers to both of these in Chapter 2: MISSION KNOWLEDGEABLE!_


	2. Mission Knowledgeable

CHAPTER 2: MISSION KNOWLEDGEABLE

—

Okay, I did all the story content disclaimers in the first chapter. OC-focused, story basis, all the plans, T rating, yadda yadda yadda. You get the general idea there, and if you don't, go back a chapter. Long, rambling disclaimers are just boring.

Sly Cooper and all related properties are, I'm 99% sure, a trademark of Sucker Punch. Don't sue me, I'm too handsome to be in court.

With that out of the way, let's get this party started. Longtime Cooper fans will have probably already guessed the level this chapter is based on, but hey, what's wrong with the classics?

—

Heists were never so tense or so fun as when running them solo. The Cooper clan knew this better than anyone else, and they acted on it whenever they could. Sure, List had some backup in the form of Abby remote hacking the station's defenses, but he was the only one in the field this time.

Landing softly on the rooftop, he paused to reflect on the past few days. He had spotted something wrong with the situation almost as soon as they were caught in the act back at the museum.

" _Intel? We stole enough to relax for a bit before we go on our next heist." Abby asked, looking confused. "Why would you need to scope out the next target already?"_

" _Didn't you notice? One Constable, guarding the museum's storage wing… That's not normal. If it was under threat, they'd send an Inspector at least, and if it wasn't… Well, the museum is privately owned. They can't have Interpol acting as their private guards." List said, twirling his cane as he spoke. "Which means there are two possibilities."_

" _Yeah? What are they, then?" Rick asked, clearly curious but keeping his eyes on the road._

" _Simple. A: The good Constable was acting on her own for one reason or another. Unlikely; she stopped shooting when she thought I was cornered, so she's probably not going to break the rules that quickly."_

" _I have a feeling B is the one you think is right." Abby murmured, as List let them consider._

" _Hit it on the nose. B: They have several stakeouts going and are low on local personnel. Now, the only reason they'd send a Constable in alone is that the museum is low on the priority list - and given the value of the legit goods there, that's worrisome." he continued, looking pleased with himself._

" _That makes… way too much sense. But who would they be looking for? This was our first heist… And we didn't even leave a calling card. The punishment for ratting out another ThiefNet member is a one-way ticket to the bottom of the Seine, and we wouldn't rat each other out, so they couldn't have been waiting for us." Abby mused, analyzing the situation._

" _Right again. I want to find out who they were after… and whose toes we stepped on in that heist, other than the mafia."_

" _So that means… List, you're not thinking of-"_

" _I promise to be careful."_

Prying the cover off of an air vent, List looked into the room below, then let out a soft chuckle. Looked like he was right; everyone was out of the office. Dropping quietly into the Interpol break room, he quickly scanned the room, then straightened up.

"Empty." he said with a smirk, to which a groan came through his earpiece.

"Be professional, please. You're breaking into the Interpol France HQ, and if you get caught, there is no way we can get you out." Abby scolded him, frantically typing on her computer. She had control of the cameras, but the firewall was a fierce one; she had to fight the system just to retain what little command she had.

"Who's gonna hear me? The walls?"

"Maybe! It might be bugged, did you think of that?!"

"Geez, fine, I'll be quiet."

List dropped into a crouch and stealthily made his way to the door. Picking the lock in the blink of an eye, he slipped into the hallway, still grinning at the complete absence of guards or officers.

"Alright, the information you want… It should be behind the door at the end of the hall."

Said door was red and unimportant-looking, but even with his stellar night-vision, List couldn't quite see the writing on it. Looking back, he later cursed his thoughtlessness for not having stopped and gotten a closer look.

"Sun's up in 20. Get your tail moving, List!" Abby's voice hissed through the earpiece. List responded by breaking into the stealthiest run he could manage; skidding to a stop at the door, he knelt down and inspected the lock.

"I don't think this can be picked. Well, it could, but the sun would be up and my cover would be blown long before I could get it open. Is there an alternate route into there?"

"Uh… Um… List, I'm freaking out!"

"Well, why are you asking me for suggestions? Take a deep breath and calm down."

"R…Right…"

A gasping breath quickly became a nearly inaudible muttering, but List's sensitive ears could hear the jackal on the other end clear as day. He never quite understood why she always did that to calm down, but whatever worked, he guessed.

"The door is locked, the roof's too slow, the vent is blocked, but that leaves the… Window! List, the window to that room is cracked open! You should be able to shimmy along the outside of the building and get in that way!" Abby exclaimed, sounding triumphant.

"Good thinking. There's no lock on this window, so I should be in and out in twenty seconds, tops." the half-coon grinned, before sliding open the window. Carefully climbing out into the cool Paris night, he spared a moment to admire the view of the Seine before slowly making his way across the narrow ledge connecting the two windows.

Grabbing the window, List pulled it all the way up, then swung into the room, landing in a silent roll. "Whoever works in this room, they definitely don't like paperwork. Say, whose room is this, anyways?" he asked, looking at the massive stacks of unfinished reports scattered around the room with something approaching genuine awe. He noted a small safe in the corner of the room; irrelevant, but if he had some time, maybe he could crack it for whatever was inside. Another window overlooked the fire escape.

"Uh… I didn't check. I just found that the case files you wanted were linked to this room number. Hang on, let me look it up…"

While Abby busied herself with the identity of the room's occupant, List quickly picked the lock on the desk drawer marked 'FILES K-S', reflecting on their laughable preparation for this heist. Heck, he had gone straight here after stashing the van!

" _I still think this is a really bad idea." Abigail remarked, looking at the thief with a reproachful glare. "But the files you wanted to lift from Interpol… I found them."_

" _Really? Great work, Abby. We're not even home yet." List grinned, looking at the team hacker with a curious grin on his face._

" _Yeah, yeah. They're labeled 'Steele Ring'. That's two e's and then one tacked on after the l. Room 4-C."_

" _Great! I should be able to get in and out before the night's even over. Any info from ThiefNet yet?"_

" _Before - List, what the hell?! You're going into Interpol TONIGHT?! We just pulled off our first major heist!"_

" _And considering the entire reason I'm going, the building should be practically abandoned. ThiefNet?"_

" _Ugh, fine. Nothing much from ThiefNet, but one of my fellow hackers says that the Steele Ring is one of the biggest smuggling operations worldwide. The members of the actual ring are all supposed to be hardened criminals and very secretive. The whole shebang surfaced about a year ago, and so far nobody's been able to stand in their way. If we really stepped on their toes, then we better either run fast or make our first punch the knockout blow."_

" _Don't worry. Once I've lifted those files from Interpol, and with a little more info from ThiefNet, we should be able to cause some major trouble in their operations."_

" _Why does everyone in your family always take on impossible odds?"_

" _Hey, my family line's been hunted by a giant mechanical laser owl fueled by nothing but pure hatred for as long as we've been around, right up until Dad killed him. Twice. After a couple of generations of that, living on the edge becomes the family tradition."_

"… _I just don't know how to argue against that. Fine. But you better not do anything stupid."_

Searching through the files, List's eyes lit up as he finally came across the one he wanted. It was a pretty thick file, too. Only then did he become aware of Abby rhyming again.

"…cooked like geese and our feathers are plucked, if this is her room then we're so totally f-"

"Abby! Don't swear over the comm channel. Whose room is this?" List demanded, interrupting the jackal.

"It's her! It's her it's her it's her it's her!"

"Wait, you don't mean that-"

The door swung open, and List looked over his shoulder at it with a feeling of absolute terror.

Standing in evident shock was the same tigress he knew altogether too well, still in the same outfit she had been wearing to chase him across the roofs not two hours earlier.

For approximately three seconds, there was absolute silence in the room. Abby's channel had gone quiet. You could have heard a Cooper's steps.

"We really must stop meeting like this, Constable Alayna." List remarked, breaking the silence. He regretted saying anything a moment later, when he was staring down the gun he was becoming so involuntarily well acquainted with.

"What the hell are you doing here, _criminal_?! How the hell did you even get in?!" the tigress demanded, her enraged expression lending her naturally soft voice all the threat it needed.

"In order; figuring out why somebody as beautifully deadly as you was at the museum all alone earlier, and the place was completely empty, I just came in through the roof." he replied, not daring to move an inch.

"Flattery won't get you anywhere. You're under arrest for the theft of… Everything your little band of thieves took from the museum, plus however many crimes you've been party to as part of the Steele Ring, and for breaking and entering with intent to steal police evidence!"

"Now, now, no need to go throwing around accusations like that. Yes, my gang stole from that secret storage space in the museum - which was all stolen goods in the hands of the mafia - and yes, I did break into your office to relieve you of these files on the Steele Ring. But what makes you think the Cooper Gang would ever run with the Steele Ring? My team works on its own, you see."

"Even if you're telling the truth, you're still under arrest. No clothing lines to save your tail this time, thief - drop the cane and put both hands above your head."

"Aw, you remembered."

"What? What are you on about now?"

"You didn't call me 'criminal' that time. You called me 'thief'."

"I… You… Just drop the damn cane!" the now-flustered Constable demanded.

"But it looks like you didn't remember everything. I told you, the cane is too precious for me to just drop, and it belongs to me by birthright."

"You're staring down the barrel of my shock pistol. You don't have any bargaining power here, thief!"

"First, I'm flattered that you called me thief again. It's a sign of real progress, I think." List replied, not bothering to address the infuriated growl now rising from the tigress. "Second, I do have some power here. Namely, the papers surrounding us."

"How do a bunch of unfinished reports help a thief facing capture?"

"Simple. I have _very_ good reflexes. If you pull the trigger, I'll dodge your first shot at least. And there's a mountain of paper right behind me. Sure, it's electricity, but the energy has to go somewhere… And when it hits that paper, the paper will catch on fire."

"…Clever dick."

"Yeah. If you try to shoot me, you run a very high risk of trapping us _both_ in a room that will be very, very on fire."

"Fortunately, I don't need to shoot you."

"What do you-"

That was as far as he got before he saw stars. A vicious swipe of the shock pistol had caught him right in the face, knocking him back about a foot. Scrambling back to his feet, List glanced back at Officer Marais in disbelief.

"Did you just… Did you just hit me in the face with that shock pistol?"

"You didn't think shooting was the only trick up my sleeve, did you? You've got nowhere to run, thief. Drop the damn cane."

"Two things." List replied, grinning slightly despite the blood now running down his nose.

"Mon dieu, not another two."

"First, that was really quite astoundingly clever of you. I really should've seen it coming - you did whack me with it back at the museum, after all - but who expects a weapon like that being used to smash people at close range?"

"Nobody. I already told you, flattery will get you nowhere."

"Second, you really need to learn to identify escape routes."

"This is my office! I know every nook and cranny!"

"Sure, but you can't seem to figure out how to get out of anywhere in a split second. Heck, I've already got my route all planned out."

"You're just stalling for time. There's no way out of this room. The window you got in from overlooks a four story drop, with nothing to grab onto. I'm standing between you and the door. Take more than an instant and you get to feel several thousand volts of shock pistol. You're trapped."

"Am I?"

With that, List leaped backwards, into the window behind him. Crashing through it, he immediately hit the solid metal of the fire escape, watching in satisfaction as a bolt of energy sailed uselessly above him, accompanied by another scream of rage. Not willing to give the good Constable a solid target, he scooted backwards and out under the railing, immediately catching it with the gold hook of his cane and swinging onto the lower level of the fire escape. An energy weapon like Alayna's shock pistol couldn't possibly shoot through the steel floor. Probably. He knew where to meet Rick for extraction, but it wasn't too close to the building…

"GET BACK HERE, THIEF!"

…And he was going to have to run for his life to get there.

Scrambling to his feet, List sprinted down the stairs of the fire escape at full speed. Reaching the bottom, he dropped to the streets below, and was glad he never lost his footing - not a second later, Alayna hit the ground next to him, landing hard but unharmed.

List ducked into an alleyway to avoid the shock blasts coming his way, initiating a chase worthy of Benny Hill or Scooby Doo. Running north, east, south, west, up and down the stairs littered around the streets, once or twice even bumping right into one another.

"YOU CAN'T RUN FOREVER!" Alayna yelled, having lost visual for a moment. Frustrated, she stopped and looked around, trying to find the infuriating ringtail that just wouldn't stop giving her the slip.

Ducking down another alley, List was relieved to see that the van was waiting there. Diving into the back, he gave Rick a nod and they took off into the morning light.

A crash caught List's attention, and he turned to see that the Constable had broken down a fence to get to the street they were on. Several shock blasts flew their way, but Rick was able to keep the van clear. The half-raccoon thief waved to the enraged tigress, eliciting one final shout.

"YOU WON'T GET AWAY NEXT TIME, VOLEUR!" she shouted, rage burning in her eyes.

"Vol-ur? What's that?" Rick asked, turning the van around a corner and out of sight, as List simply grinned, closed the back doors of the van, and turned to his pal.

"It's French. It means 'thief'. Gotta say, I'm almost flattered." he replied, twirling his cane. "I've got the files. Hopefully, we can have a quiet week in London before going after the Steele Ring… I don't want to step on someone's toes without following through."

"Well, whoever they are, they're no match for the might of RICK!"

"I know, buddy. I know. Let's go home."

Even as they continued onwards, Alayna found something in her pocket. Growling in frustration, she stalked back to her office, clutching that little blue card so infamous in law enforcement. The Cooper Gang's next generation had finally arrived.

—

Well, that was exciting. In case you're wondering, I just felt like paying a little homage to the first level of the first game. That's right, true believers, this was based on the intro level of the original Sly Cooper game. I know a lot of you probably think that's incredibly obvious, but there's bound to be one or two people who never got around to really playing Sly 1. And I remembered the calling card this time. Hehe.

The Steele Ring, let's have a quick look through the file List just stole… Whoa. These guys are the real deal. Weapons, drugs, these guys smuggle anything you'd care to call 'illegal'. And they've got their sights set on the Cooper Gang now. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, the plot of this story revolves around the Cooper Gang taking apart the Steele Ring before vice-versa occurs. Let's give the gang some time off, then head out for our first target. We won't be plowing through these guys one a chapter, don't worry.

Review if you have something to say, follow if you wanna see where the story goes from here, like if you liked it.

KeyFire here. KeyFire gone. G'night!

 _What secrets lurk in the shadows now? The gang is out for their well-earned vacation, and the ever-dangerous Constable Alayna shaken off of their tail… Momentarily. Find out who the first to fall is in Chapter 3: Russian In!_


	3. Russian In

Chapter 3: Russian In

—

Okay, let's see. You guys know all the content disclaimers, right? Good. I'm not writing all that out again.

Oh, and Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch. Don't sue me.

Uh, for those of you wondering; this chapter is basically Phase One of the first episode, or as I like to call it, the Recon Phase. Phases Two and Three, Preparation and Action, will get their own chapters, followed by a chapter for the Operation and one for the Boss Battle, followed by the Escape. Six chapters in total, and that's going to be a pattern for most of the Steele Ring members.

Alright, with that out of the way, let's get going.

—

Roughly six thousand three hundred kilometers. The van was holding up nicely even after a drive like that, as the gang took a road trip to the Russian wilderness. They had spent the last week unwinding in London, where the gang had had to talk their resident thief out of breaking into the Tower of London just for the hell of it, and Rick had

"Russia, huh? Who's the first guy on our checklist?" List asked, prompting a grin from Abby. "I think you'll like this job on principal alone. Behold, Bol Gora." she told him, turning her laptop to face the thief. The image on-screen had been of a bear that made even Rick look like a weakling, a dangerous glint in his eyes betraying the fact that this monster of a man was no dumb brute. Wearing a red suit, he looked like he was more than capable of snapping people in half with his individual fingers.

"It's rough Russian for 'Pain Mountain', and this guy definitely lives up to the name. Rumor is that he's survived being shot almost forty times, and most of those times he just turned around and killed the shooter with a single punch. Not only that, but according to Interpol, he's actually hiding the biggest gun running operation in the world in _gun shops_. Subtlety is not in his vocabulary. When he's not killing people with his bare hands - no pun intended - he delights in weapons of all varieties, from antiquated axes to ultra-modern machine guns. He's a crackshot with just about any gun you'd care to name, and an expert in using just about any melee weapon under the sun, though sources say his general strategy when unarmed is to punch vaguely at his opponent. Oh, and he never goes _anywhere_ without at least two weapons on him. Guy's a monster, but if it comes down to a fight, his weakness is his lack of subtlety; he'll probably telegraph his attacks like crazy, and he won't be great at seeing through our trickiest fighter."

List grinned. "Don't worry. He's big, but that just means he'll fall hard."

"Indeed. Now, the safe house has been set up ahead of time, but it won't look like much from the outside. I'm relying on the almost perpetual blizzard that stays in this area to keep us hidden from prying eyes. Once we're in the safe house, List, I need you to take some recon photos of the operation."

"What's a gun dealer doing way out in the wild like this, though?" Rick asked, looking thoughtful.

"Good question, Rick. I did some digging, and it looks like Bol Gora inherited this land from his parents. Turns out he did some extensive remodeling, and most of his illegal operations are run from and through here. Makes things less complicated, I suppose, when you're using a patch of land in the middle of nowhere as your personal criminal airport. Even better, he seems to hold a sentimental attachment to the old manor on property. That's where he keeps the loot he 'acquires' through his various schemes." Abby answered, grinning again.

"Hey, I think we're here!"

As Rick eased the van into the small cavern under the safe house, Abby brought her equipment upstairs with List's help. It took them a couple of minutes to set everything up, but it wasn't long before they had turned an abandoned shack half-buried under ice and snow into their very own, very cozy, safe house.

"Alright, List. Head for the waypoint. I'll just boot up my computer." Abby said, knowing the thief was already halfway out the door. Beginning to type into her computer, she grinned as she found that even out here in the middle of nowhere, she could get a decent signal. Thank goodness for satellite technology.

It wasn't long before List reached the complex they were here to cripple; an organized campus that resembled an Air Force base above all else. A grin on his face, he snuck in under the heavy snows, noting a ski lift near the edge of the complex. That was where the waypoint was, so that was where he headed.

"Alright, List. I need pictures of the guards, the runway, and their warehouse. Take a photo of that ski lift too, it's the only reliable way up to Bol Gora's manor." Abby instructed, pleased to find photographs of such uploading to her computer almost as soon as she requested them. The guards were clearly well-equipped, but appeared relaxed and lazy; foxes and hares armed with up-to-date but poorly maintained firearms, mostly, with a few large wolves scattered around looking tough. The runway was clearly well-used, being almost entirely free of snow, and the ski life less used but still mostly clean. The warehouse had several key structures which Abby quickly filed away for later analysis; busting into that place would be critical to stopping weapon shipments through here.

Grinning, she watched as List's Binocu-com beacon placed him moving up the ski line. She knew that the half-coon would never use the actual lifts, and that he was carefully picking his way up the cable itself.

List, meanwhile, hopped off of the cable, landing in the snow without so much as a crunch. Carefully surveying the area, he crept up towards the old rustic manor at the top of the lift. It was an impressive building despite its age; enormous, four stories tall and as big as a conventional mall. He also noted a pillar of ice off to the side of the building, with something atop.

"Okay. See if you can find a good vantage point into the main hall. I need a picture of Bol Gora; I want to see what he's got on him, so we can neutralize it later. I also need a picture of his personal vault, and whatever goodies he's got on display; I want to know how much we're going to need to pack for the return trip. Finally, he supposedly has a helipad on or near the building in case he needs to make a quick escape. Find it and take a picture; we need to get rid of that chopper if we want to make sure he doesn't slip through our fingers." Abby instructed the resident thief, pleased to find that the pictures were coming in almost as soon as she spoke. She noted a shotgun and flamethrower on Bol Gora's person, plus plenty of ammo; maybe List could rob him of his much-needed munitions before throwing down for real. His main hall was full of artifacts of difficult-to-compute value, making her rub her hands together in glee; this heist would go down in Cooper history for the sheer loot value of it. The safe looked simple enough, but big; they might have to leave some stuff behind, but that was no issue with the artifacts on display. The helipad picture took a little longer to get, but Abby was overjoyed with it; List had found the perfect angle. She could clearly see the helicopter on the pad, and grinned; it was a gunship well known for its heavy-duty miniguns, but with a little ingenuity and a good shot she knew she could blow the whole damn thing up by igniting the ammo cache.

As she sifted through each photo, searching them for further information, she realized that List had taken one extra photograph, which was taking a little longer to upload. Curious, she scrolled down to it, letting it load in full, before her eyes widened. "No, no, no, no…" she whimpered, as List's beacon showed him running back to base at full sprint.

The photograph was of a person wearing a heavy jacket in winter camo over a thick white shirt and pants, as well as a pair of white hiking boots. Frankly, if it weren't for the red glint at their waist and the way List had just managed to get their face in the shot, they'd be nigh invisible.

List walked in through the door, looking confused but pleased. "What are the odds, huh? On the bright side, she's probably just here to gather evidence against Bol Gora. It does explain why she had the file to begin with, though." he remarked, leaning on his cane.

"The odds are thousands to one, this op just got a whole lot less fun." Abby sighed, both annoyed and terrified to see that Constable Alayna Marais was in the area.

—

Yeah. That, uh, happened. Anyways. Alayna won't come into play properly until Phase Three, or 'Action'. I _will_ say that she's going to be promoted to Inspector once this particular heist is complete. I will _also_ say that Abby had something wrong in her analysis, but that won't come into play for a while yet.

Sorry for a non-exciting chapter. But Recon's gotta take place some time, and I figured you all would at least like to know why people are being punched in the face. To that end, this. Next time, let's see how the Cooper Gang begins their own missions in the area, huh? It's a short chapter, I know, but hey, it went up quick, didn't it? Please don't expect a chapter a day; I don't have a buffer and I post when I think a chapter is ready. This was a short one so I could hammer it out pretty fast, and I was already working on Chapter 2 when Chapter 1 went up. I do try to get these up fast, though.

Review if you want to point something out, like if you liked, follow if you want to see what happens next.

KeyFire. Peace!

 _Looks like Interpol's begun to act on their knowledge of the Steele Ring. Constable Alayna's presence complicates matters immensely, but something tells me that Abigail already has their next steps laid out. Find out what happens next time, in Chapter 4: Snow Way!_


	4. Snow Way

Chapter 4: Snow Way

—

You all know what I'm going to say, so I won't bother saying it.

Sly Cooper belongs to… Sucker Punch, right? Well, as long as nobody sues me…

Alright, let's get to the Prep Phase. Everyone ready? Let's rock.

—

List and Rick looked expectantly at the brains of their gang, eager to get to work.

"Well, even with the surprise presence of an Interpol officer, we still have to work fast. I don't want to crunch the numbers again tomorrow." Abby sighed, before getting down to business. Looking serious, she brought up images of the warehouse and the helipad on her computer. "These are our main targets. We have to neutralize both to stand a chance in hell of subduing Gol Bora. First, the warehouse. I've made arrangements for a rather powerful explosive to be delivered to us here later today."

Rick grinned widely. "Explosive? You mean we get to blow up that entire building?!"

"Right on the money, Rick. But let's continue before we get to questions." the jackal told him, before enlarging the image of the helipad. "The gunship up there needs to go. It's a quick escape we can't afford to leave intact. Luckily, I know just how to get rid of it. I've modified some of my BBs for precisely that purpose. If I can get close enough, I can ignite the ammo cache onboard. It won't be as spectacular as watching the warehouse go up, but I think we'll all find it just as satisfying."

"Let me guess. You need me and Rick to help you gain access to both." List interrupted, looking confident as he leaned on his cane.

"Yeah. Rick, I need you to get to the ski lift _without being spotted by anyone_ , knock out the guard inside, and steal his uniform." Abby said, looking a little worried. "It's a little outside your comfort zone, but it's the only way they'll buy that you're the next guy on duty. If you can pull that off without alerting the base, then I'll have a clear route to the chopper during the next phase of our operation."

"I can do that! Probably!" the bear grinned. "No puny guard can withstand the Mighty Rick!"

"Don't we all know that. Anyways, List. Your job is a little more subtle. I need you to identify the chief of staff here and pickpocket them for their keys. The reason is twofold." Abby grinned. "The locks here aren't even close to the simplicity of the ones you usually pick, so getting the key is our only way into the warehouse. It'll make blowing the whole damn building up so much simpler."

"Makes sense, but you said twofold. What's the other reason?" List asked, looking curious. In reply, the jackal handed him a small contraption with a USB plug on the end.

"That's the other reason. After you've gotten the keys, head for the big, important-looking building in the center of the smuggling base. That's their primary control center. They'll have the server room there, probably in the basement. I need you to get in, plug that baby into the command terminal, and protect it until I've hacked it remotely, then get out… All without letting anyone get a good look at your face. Ideally, nobody realizes you're even there. That'll give me access to and limited command over pretty much everything that goes on at that base… And I'll be able to cause some _serious_ havoc with that kind of access." Abby told him, a devious grin on her face. "Disrupting the guards is almost as important as taking out the warehouse.

"I like this plan. I'm ready whenever you two are." List grinned, pocketing the device.

"Well, of course I'm ready. Rick?"

"THE MIGHTY RICK IS ALWAYS READY FOR BATTLE!" bellowed the excited bear, itching for a chance to get back out into the field.

"Good enthusiasm, but try to put a lid on it when you're in the field." List chuckled, before slipping out the door. Rick followed him out, sneaky as a bear could be, while Abby chuckled and turned back to her computer, already beginning to type.

The boys, meanwhile, split up. Rick made his way around the outside of the complex, moving slowly to avoid being ambushed by the patrols. It would take him a while to reach the ski lift, but he'd get there eventually, and careful as he was being, it would be no problem to sneak inside.

List, meanwhile, made his way through the base. His natural thiefy sneakiness helped him here, as he approached the building in the center.

"Okay, let's see… Where is that chief of staff?" List wondered under his breath, before looking at his cane. "The other one, I suppose." he grinned, before his ears perked up. In a blur of silent motion, he was hidden in the narrow alleyway between two buildings, watching as a pair of guards passed by.

"…really wish we got paid more for this. I'm freezing out here…" he heard one of them complain, before grinning as the other one spoke.

"Why not take it up with ol' Hammerly, then? I think he's making his rounds, he should be on the east side of the outpost now."

"Uh… Gee, I'd really rather not bother the Chief of Staff with something so petty…"

List considered as the goons walked around a corner further down the walkway. East side, wasn't that where…?

Oh. Oh dear.

"Abby, get Rick on the line RIGHT NOW and tell him to hide!"

Breaking into a sprint, List didn't bother waiting for a response. He made his way through the camp at full speed, barely avoiding being spotted as he did so, and skidded to a halt as he caught sight of the biggest guard he had seen yet, dropping behind one of the few bushes still capable of concealing anything in this frozen wasteland.

Unlike the other guards, Hammerly was apparently extremely serious about his job. It was easy to see; from the way he carried himself, upright and rigid, and the sparkle of his battle-scarred rifle, to the look on his face. The old wolf had scars aplenty and walked with a slight limp, but looked tougher than any of the younger guards, and his expression brought to mind the scary old teacher you always were extra-careful not to offend lest he whip his belt off and beat the ever-loving crap out of you with it. He was not the type of person to suffer a fool, and List sighed in relief; if Rick had tried to fool this guy, he would've gotten his cover blown for sure.

"If we let this guy stay active, he's going to do some serious damage to our plans. Abby, I'm going to take him out." the thief whispered, knowing the earpiece he wore was sufficient for the brains of their operation to hear him.

"But if you do that, the other guards will notice he's gone."

"Seems like nobody likes this guy. I understand why; he looks even more strict than my mom, and she ruled the house with an iron fist. I think they'll count themselves lucky if he doesn't check in on time. But we will have to move fast."

"…Alright. I'll finish planning back here. When he's out of the picture, get to the command center as fast as you can."

Grinning, List crept out from the pathetic shrub he had been hiding behind, taking his time as he approached the Chief of Staff. His cane slowly extended, hooking around the huge guard's keyring, and the half-coon's grin widened as he quietly slipped it out of the pocket it was attached to. Taking a quiet breath, he delicately hooked the end of his cane around the top of the old wolf's jacket, as the Chief of Staff patted his pocket and tensed up, realizing something was wrong by the absence of his keys.

"Sorry." List apologized, before pulling the cane with all of his strength, driving the pole into the snow for leverage as he did. Letting out a cry of surprise surprising in itself for the volume produced by those ancient lungs, the old man was flipped over backwards, hitting the snow with a sound that could only be described as a thump. Checking the unconscious guard, List realized he had gotten ridiculously lucky; his surprise attack had hit a rock. Literally. "Hope that doesn't need medical attention. Sorry again, old man. I just needed you to take a nap." he told the sleeping Chief of Staff, cringing at the swelling bump on the K.O.'d guard's head.

"So?" Abby piped up, over the earpiece. "What happened?"

"Uh, I was able to pull a knockout slam on the Chief of Staff. He's taking a nap in the snow, with a really nasty bump on his head. I think I threw him into a rock. He's alive, though, and he looks tough. I think he'll be fine."

"Good. We're not here to kill anyone. Did you get his keys?"

"First thing, of course. I'll head to the command center. Where's Rick?"

"He's… Oh, dammit. He didn't listen to a word I said, of course. You're just lucky he was being sneaky. As sneaky as a two hundred pound bear can be, anyway."

"Where is he?"

"He's in the ski lift. He… Oh my gods. He uploaded a picture. Here, give me a moment."

List began the trek back towards the command center, pulling out his Binocu-com. He got a good laugh out of the picture Abby uploaded to him; Rick was leaning into the frame with a goofy grin on his face and a thumbs up proudly displayed, but the picture was mostly of one of the wolf guards, stripped down to his underwear, missing several teeth, and unconscious on the floor of the security station. Putting his Binocu-com away, the thief approached the command station, quickly analyzing his entrance possibilities.

"Well, well, well." he grinned, before speaking aloud again. "You wouldn't happen to know if they have a way in from underground, would you?"

"Uh… Maybe. I heard rumors to that effect on ThiefNet, saying that several of the important buildings in this complex have secret entrances. Why?" Abby responded, after a moment's thought. "Did you find one?"

"Yeah. I think so."

With that, he hooked the edge of his cane around the stone wall of the structure that was triggering every instinct in his body, swung into the opening, and dropped. He hit a dry bottom, and his acute night vision revealed the secret he was so happy to see.

Pushing open the hidden door, he stole inside the command center's basement, emerging into an abandoned room. "Jackpot." he grinned, before searching the room. He took his time, but emerged with a better understanding of the layout of the building, courtesy of a map that was quickly uploading to Abby's computer, along with a few other key documents that he felt they could use. One gave him pause, however; he could tell it was important, but the vocabulary being thrown around started with 'quantum tachyon interference' and went up from there. He was going to fry his own brain if he looked at it much longer, so he snapped a picture of the document and put it back, unlocking the door from the inside and stepping into the hallway of the basement.

"Roomy. I like it." he noted, seeing that the hallway stretched out for a good hundred feet. "Abby, I think the command building's basement is built into most of the surrounding buildings. This is a really long hallway, and I count at least forty, maybe fifty doors. Feel like giving me a hand with finding that server room?"

"I had a look at those blueprints you sent me. It looks like the server room is right next to the stairs leading up to the actual building."

"That… complicates things. How well staffed are they again?"

"Not well enough. They've got plenty of men but way more ground to cover. Even if they stick them ALL in the buildings, if what you said is true, they still barely have enough for a skeleton crew."

"Load off my mind, I guess. Which way?"

"Left, straight down the hall, last door on the right before the stairs, if I've got your position right."

"I love satellite navigation."

With that, the thief bursted into a full sprint, reaching the room in no time at all. Checking both ways, he unlocked the room and slipped inside with a smile on his face.

Which quickly turned into a frown. "You're _sure_ this is the server room?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Because it's _empty_. The only thing here is a dusty old terminal."

"WHAT?! Okay, okay, don't freak out…"

"I'm perfectly calm."

"I was talking to myself!"

"People say that's the first sign of insanity."

"I'm part of a band of thieves with _you_ and _Rick_."

"…Touché."

"Plug the satellite USB I gave you into the terminal."

"You got it."

Slipping the gizmo out of his pocket, List pushed it into a port that accepted it. He then stepped back and watched the screen light up and begin to flicker.

"Geez, these defenses are terrible. I don't know why I even bothered to warm up."

"You warm up before _hacking_?"

"The brain is a muscle just like any other. But this stuff's easier than my usual warmup routines. I guess Bol Gora decided not to invest in information security and left it up to his hired help to make sure nobody found this out. I'm in the system now, and… CLEVER DICK!"

"What? What happened?" List asked, alarmed at the jackal's voice, which was equal parts rage and respect.

"This _IS_ the server room! This terminal's just old-looking as a coverup, the servers are hidden in the walls! No wonder - with defenses like these and appearances like that, it's got to be a double bluff, anyone coming down here without permission would either know this is the right one or not want to waste time and move on quickly! Geez, did we ever get lucky!"

"Huh. Well, luck does kind of run in my family."

"Is that why a giant mechanical laser owl hunted down every single one of your ancestors?"

"Hey, be fair. Dad killed him, after all. Twice."

"Touché. Anyways, I think I have every… Whoa."

"What happened?"

"Uh… I hit a firewall. A tough one. I'm gonna be chipping away at this thing for hours that we don't have, but there's gonna be something really good inside, I just know it… Hm. I have control over everything but a couple of locked files. Tell you what, it looks like they don't check down here often. Leave the satellite USB down there and come back. We need to blow stuff up."

"Check. I'll be back shortly."

Walking back out into the hall, List locked the door behind him, then headed back towards the secret route he had found. Climbing quickly out of the well, he headed for the safe house, eager to get to the third phase of their operation out here in the middle of Nowhere, Russia.

—

Okay then, well, I never said I _wasn't_ a huge hypocrite or that I _wouldn't_ have the next chapter up today. This one's longer than the last, but mostly still filler. Stuff will be blown up next chapter, I promise.

Bet you're curious about those locked files and the document that gave List a headache, huh? Well, they won't come into play for a long time yet. May not at all. Maybe I'm just messing with you. You'll have to keep coming back to see. Muwahahaha!

Review if you have something to say. Fave if you liked it. Follow if you want to see where I'm going with this crazy BS.

Adios, mios amigos! KeyFire, AWAY!

 _What could be behind that crazy sturdy firewall that's giving Abby so much trouble? Will stuff_ _ **actually**_ _be blown up? Can Rick pull off that guard outfit well enough for whatever Abby's got planned? Will the Cooper Gang manage to pull this heist off? What's the deal with airline food? Find out the answer to at least one of these questions next time, in Chapter 5: Serious Firepower!_


	5. Serious Firepower

Chapter 5: Serious Firepower

—

Okay, I probably don't need to refer you back to chapter 1 at this point.

Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch. I think. Well, he did through Sly 3. I didn't check for Sly 4…

Finally, I get to write about things being blown up!

—

As List walked back into the safe house, Abby turned her computer around, taking a momentary break from the hacking she had been working at. This firewall was turning out even harder to crack than she had expected, but with the distraction they were about to cause, she was confident she would get it eventually.

"The bomb was just delivered. We're ready to execute phase three." she grinned, gesturing to a barrel full of… something.

"So what's the plan? C'mon, I want to see that warehouse go up." Rick asked, looking impatient.

"Calm down, calm down. Listen. The bomb's pretty touchy, so we need someone with a light touch to get it into the warehouse. That's why it's your job, List."

"Wait, what? Rick's the muscle! I'm a thief, not a pack mule!" the half-coon objected, startled.

"I need Rick for something else. Why else would I have him take out that guard and steal his uniform? The bomb's really light - you can carry it on your back, no problem. Heck, _I_ can carry it, no sweat. The real problem is that it's so touchy."

"…What do you mean by 'touchy'?"

"Simple. Get hit or hit the ground too hard while carrying that thing, and it'll go up instantly."

"So… Either I make it, or I get splattered across several miles of mountain?"

"Crude, but accurate."

"I don't like this plan. But I guess I see why you gave it to me. What about you and Rick?"

"Simple. I modified some of my ammo, and Rick is going to get me to where I can use it. I plan to blow up the gunship Gol Bora is holding as a backup."

"Wait, Rick is going to… Oh, I get it! Nice thinking!" List grinned, impressed with the deviousness of his longtime friend. "But can your BB gun really shoot through the helicopter's armor?"

"I've made a number of modifications to it while we've been working together. You guys already know about the variable ammo I use, but I recently modified the barrel even further. While I'll only get one shot, given the long cooling time it'll necessitate, I was able to turn it into a variable-impact weapon. I can fire normally, yes, but I get one shot with all the force of a high-end sniper rifle every couple of hours - maybe less, up here - and I can use that shot to put an incendiary round right into the gunship's ammo cache. It's docked, so as long as I shoot before you blow up the warehouse, they'll never see it coming and I can't possibly miss."

"…And the gun won't explode? No offense, but it's kinda puny." Rick asked, looking thoughtful.

"Eh… Probably. Either way, the gunship goes up, and I can get a new BB later. I won't need it again for the duration of this heist anyways."

"Alright, I guess. Just be careful with that thing. We need you active, not in the burn ward." List warned the jackal, who looked genuinely excited. She waved him off.

"Be _really_ gentle with that bomb. The fuse is pretty long, but it can still go off on a strong impact. Once you've lit the fuse, it doesn't matter if anyone spots you - just run like hell." Abby warned him in return. "In fact, get as much attention as you can; it reduces the chance of anyone snuffing the fuse, and it'll draw the guards away from the warehouse. We're not here to kill, after all."

"Got it. Get the bomb there like it's a baby I'm trying not to wake up, light the fuse, then run away screaming."

"…Just go."

"Already gone!" the thief grinned, having strapped the bomb to his back. He ran outside, doing his best to ensure a steady ride for the explosive as he made his way to the warehouse.

"Anyways, Rick, get changed into that guard uniform. Should be your size. Then we're headed to the ski lift." Abby said, turning to the bear… to find he had already changed. "You know what? I'm not going to question this. Let's just go."

"You got it!"

As the two trekked out, they failed to notice something glinting not too far off. A flash of red, then all was white once more. The blizzard was too thick for any more to be seen.

As List approached the warehouse, he started to slip into a passageway between buildings he knew of, but stopped. "Not wide enough. Gonna have to be more careful with this thing. Guess I can't railslide or railwalk either…" he mused, backing out of the alley. Creeping up to the corner of the building, he surveyed the situation, and groaned. Guards were posted heavily around the warehouse, but there were several _perfect_ routes in above the ground level. "Don't tell me I have to risk tightrope walking with this shake and boom barrel on my back. There's always another way." he murmured, his keen eyes already searching the environment for a way around. He grinned widely as he saw his route. "Idiots. They really are careless…"

With Abby and Rick, they were on their way up the ski lift, the small cabin keeping them both warm as they approached the top. "Now, Rick, I need you to act normal in front of the guard up there. Just keep them distracted without punching them until I get past them. Tell some jokes, I don't know." she told him, loading her BB rifle as she spoke.

"Rick the Mighty will give these chumps the laugh of their lives!"

"I don't think physical strength has any relation to humor, but good attitude, Rick."

As they exited the ski lift, Abby crouched down, sneaking off into the snow. She had picked up a trick or two from hanging around with List, and Rick's buddy-buddying up with the guards gave her the distraction she needed to slip past them. She needed to be fairly close to the gunship to ensure that she hit the ammo cache - she'd only get one shot, after all.

She groaned as the guards cracked up, having heard Rick's last joke (what kind of bagel can fly? A _plain_ bagel!), but kept moving. It wasn't long before she reached the optimal position for taking out the helicopter, and, with a huge grin on her face, lined up the shot.

Rick was still laughing his ass off with the guards when a loud crack reached their ears, causing the guards to spin around. Rick looked on in confusion as the helicopter remained intact, and as Abby sprinted down the hill. "Take them out and run!" she shouted, to which Rick obliged, smashing the guards' heads together - as the helicopter exploded, sending debris hurtling into the sky. Both bear and jackal made it to the safety of the cable car and hit the ground, panting after their all-out sprint to get there.

"Shouldn't it have blown up faster?" Rick asked, after catching his breath.

"I didn't want to get caught in the blast, so I didn't make my incendiary round too explosive. I designed it to start a chain reaction, not cause the entire explosion all at once." Abigail replied, before seeing the blank look on the muscle of their team's face. "I didn't want to get blown up, so I made it so that it'd blow up after a couple of seconds instead of right away." she told him, to which he nodded in understanding. She then tapped her earpiece, starting a call to List.

List had found his way into the building, but he was still searching for a good place to set the bomb when he got the call. "Hey, how'd it go?" he asked, sounding relaxed.

"Pretty well. The helicopter's in pieces. How're you doing?"

"I got into the building the, uh, numbered way."

"Numbered way?"

"You know. Number one, number two…?"

"…You snuck in through the bathrooms?"

"The idiots have a way into the warehouse through the bathrooms, yes."

"That… I don't know what to say to that."

"I've still got the bomb, as is evidenced by the fact that I'm not tiny meat chunks raining down upon the land. And… Oh ho ho! I found where I'm gonna put it!"

"You sound excited, and it's making me afraid for my life."

"I found where they stash their bombs!"

"…Rick and I are going to run for our lives now."

"You do that. I'll catch up."

Hanging up the phone call, List gently set down the barrel next to a shelf full of explosives, and set the long fuse alight with a little help from his cane. He then ran for his life, actually yelling at the perplexed guards to run if they valued their own lives. Many ran, yes, but they ran after the raccoon, most after wondering what the hell was going on and coming to the simple conclusion; [expletive removed] it, I get paid to shoot at intruders so I'm gonna shoot at this one.

By the time the bomb went off, List was trailing most of the complex behind him, bullets hailing down at him but not impacting as he dodged and weaved, taking every turn he could in an attempt not to be made Swiss. He thanked his lucky stars that the bullets stopped when an ear-shattering boom hit them all, and most of the guards turned around, staring at the mushrooming explosion as it wrecked their chance at a paycheck that month. Debris began to rain down upon them all a few seconds later, List chuckling as he spotted one guard get nailed right in the face by a flying piece of rebar. With the shock and awe of their warehouse going very, very up, he managed to give his pursuers the slip, and headed for the safe house…

He noticed an outhouse door swing open, and the wolf guard inside move to step out. Grinning, he pointed towards the sky, and with perfect timing, a huge chunk of flaming concrete crashed down next to him. The look on the huge man's face was absolutely priceless as he realized that the base was the victim of the most destructive weather pattern caused by raccoon.

"You're safer in there, buddy. I get the feeling you've got a couple of bricks to flush anyways." he told the guard, before closing the door for him.

Still grinning, he continued on his way back towards their base, well aware that Abby already had the last part of their mission here planned out. Considering the destruction they had caused, it would probably be easy enough…

—

Well, that was exciting. Yes, there was toilet humor. I regret nothing. Except maybe that I didn't put enough in there. Hehehe. But hey, explosions and more explosions. We still don't have any serious action mano-a-mano going on yet, but that'll happen soon enough, I promise.

I also promise I will stop getting your hopes up that I'm going to keep up with this crazy fast update rate. I have my own life. I have to stop doing this to myself. But addiction is a powerful thing, friends. The next one will NOT be up tomorrow. If I can't stop myself here, I'll never be able to.

 _What could their plan be now, with destruction raining down upon the base of Gol Bora? Will they be able to walk away with their skins intact and their pockets full of loot, or will they fall victim to the huge Russian monster stretching the word 'bear' to its limit? What action will Constable Marais take now, with the base in shambles and the man behind all these weapons stranded? Find out the answer to at least one of these very good questions… RIGHT NOW!_

Hehe. You didn't think I was throwing another short chapter at you without at least a little bit more to it than that, did you? I want to jump right into the thick of it next time, so let's get the briefing done before we end this chapter.

Or, to put it bluntly; PSYCHE! Here's more of this Cooper Gang.

—

"Okay, there's flaming rock raining on the base now. They're running around like we just stepped in an anthill. What's the plan?" List asked, walking into the safe house with a huge grin on his face. Abby gave him a dirty glare, as Rick gave him a thumbs up. "THAT WAS AWESOME! I could see that thing go up all the way over here!"

"Yeah. Did you really have to set the bomb off next to all of their other bombs? I mean, it would've taken out the warehouse that way without being amplified to the point of destroying several other buildings in the blast." Abby asked, frowning.

"I don't think that's how bombs work."

"The more gunpowder you set off at once, the bigger the boom. You set it all off at once, not just parts at a time. It's a gross oversimplification, but yes, that is how bombs work."

"Hey, I wrecked the warehouse without being reduced to part of the debris that's falling on the rest of the base, didn't I?"

"…Touché."

"What's the plan, Abby?"

"It's pretty simple, actually. We have to act now, while they're still panicking. List, you and Rick will go up to the manor. You'll split up when you get up there. Rick, I'll guide you to the vault. Your job is simple; go there, wait for List to crack it, then carry down as much of the loot inside as you can. I have a contact in Moscow who's promised me top dollar for everything we bring him; apparently, he hates the hell out of Gol Bora."

"Sure, I can do that!"

"List, your job is harder. You already have a basic idea of the map of the manor from your earlier recon work. I need you to locate Gol Bora and pickpocket the keys to the vault off of him. Get his ammo too, if you can. The less he has of that, the better. Ideally, we won't confront him directly, but if it comes down to a fight we want him to have as little ammo as possible."

"Not a problem. Big guy like that probably won't even hear Rick over the sound of his own feet hitting the ground."

"Good to hear. Once you've got the keys, get to the vault and help Rick carry as much as you two can back down to the cable car. Once you're in that, you're practically home free; just get from the car to the safe house, and we'll take off for Moscow. If all goes well, Gol Bora won't even know he's been robbed until we're well clear. And if the ThiefNet rumors are true, his Steele Ring 'friends' will then promptly turn their backs on him… Maybe even do the hard part of bringing him in to the proper authorities, depending on how much they were relying on this guy to provide weapons."

"And the Constable?"

"If all goes well, she won't even know we were here. In fact, I'd bet she's radioing Interpol for backup right now. The big guy might be in jail by the end of the day."

"I'll take that bet."

"What are you wagering, then, oh wise and noble leader?" Abby asked, rolling her eyes.

"I'll bet you _my cane_ that she's got her own plans."

"…Wow. I'd… Wow. Okay."

"Hehe. Guess I rendered you speechless, huh?"

"You really think she's that observant?"

"Fate has a way of bringing people together, and something tells me that fate's working overtime right now."

"Well, whatever. We'll deal with her if she does something. In the meantime, we've got a gun runner to rob blind."

"Just keep Rick on the right track. Come on, buddy." List grinned, as he and Rick exited the building. Abby sighed, then turned back to her computer. If List was willing to bet his cane on something… Well, they had been good about not leading anyone back to their safe house.

—

 _Will Abby's plan go right, or will the good Constable Marais be the judo chop that broke the camel's back? Find out next time in Chapter 6: Operation: Odyssean Mountain!_

Review if you want to say something, favorite if you liked it so far, follow if you want to see where I'm going with that AMAZING analogy!

KeyFire, basking in the glory of stuff being blown up. See you guys next time!


	6. Odyssean Mountain

Chapter 6: Operation: Odyssean Mountain

—

Here we are again, my friends. For those of you wondering what the hell I chose that title for… Who here knows the story of Odysseus and the Cyclops? Long story short, he crippled the Cyclops to rescue his men and himself and got away with some loot. What the gang's up to here is similar in principle; cripple the mighty beast and escape with his treasure. Hey, it was the best I had, alright?

Anyways! We finally get to see what happens after all that prep. I'm excited to see what I'm thinking!

Uh, Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch. I am not a thief. Do not take me to court.

Right. Let's get on with the actual story!

—

List and Rick ran fast and far. Knowing the guards would be too occupied with the flaming base to pay them much mind, List took a moment to note that debris had stopped raining down on the base. Too bad - he had actually caused a highly destructive weather condition, and he was kind of proud of that.

As they reached the ski lift, Rick noted something else. "Hey, List. Wouldn't the big boss guy be down here, since you blew up his base?" he asked, as they stepped into the lift.

"Rick, it's really great that you think that. But Gol Bora is a jerk, and he doesn't care about the people he works with. He wouldn't risk his own life to save them."

"Wow. That's pretty mean of him."

"Well, to be fair, he is a villain."

"But that doesn't mean he has to be a huge jerk about it."

"…Anyways. You're clear on the plan, right?"

"Yup! I get to the vault, you break into the vault, and then we get out of here with as much loot as we can carry!"

"Good. Get going, I'll catch up."

With that, List dashed out of the now-open door, heading for the path around the back of the rustic old manor. Rick began to run too, heading for the side entrance; Abby was guiding him along the best path to the vault, the manor now empty save for the big man himself, and all the guards at the bottom of the lift.

"Right. Left. Straight ahead to the end. Right, then down those stairs. Another right. Okay, it should be right in front of you." she told the bear, as he ran according to her directions.

"Yeah. Looks pretty sturdy. I hope List can get those keys soon…" Rick nodded, looking at the huge, sturdy steel vault door.

"Don't worry. This is what he excels at, you know. He's a born thief."

"Yeah, that's right. He's always picking pockets. Once, when we were doing one of those practice heists way back when we first met, I asked him what he had just taken out of another guy's pocket. He got these big eyes on his face, and looked down at his hand, like he had no idea what I was talking about."

"You've never told me that story before. Are you really saying that he picks pockets on autopilot?"

"Yeah. I dunno, I guess it runs in the family. He's always doing thiefy things without thinking about it, you know?"

"…I guess I know what you mean. Like how he barely makes a noise when he's walking, even when we're somewhere he doesn't need to go unnoticed, or how he never loses his balance?"

"Exactly! I thought it was kind of weird at first, but it's actually kind of cool now that I think about it."

"I should check on him. I'll call you back once I've ensured that List is on his way with the keys."

"Alright!"

As Abby ended the first call, her blood ran cold. Her instincts had never been stellar, but the way the atmosphere in the room had just changed…

Back with List, he had finally tracked down Gol Bora. The monstrous Russian had apparently been woken by a guard who had informed him that the warehouse was in the process of raining down upon the lower base in large, mostly flaming chunks, and he was gearing up to get the hell out of dodge, apparently unaware that his private helicopter was in smaller flaming chunks. Chuckling inside his head, List silently approached the bear from behind, his cane extending out to snag his pocket…

Success!

Picking the keychain silently off of his cane, List made to leave, but thought better of it. He reached his cane out again, picking two things off of the bear's person with such incredibly gentle precision that he never even realized he had been robbed. Shoving the two things into the red pocket on his leg, List left, headed for the safe now. Time to rob this guy blind.

As he exited earshot from the Russian mobster, List called up Abby, tapping his earpiece to initiate the call. "Abby, I've got the keys. Heading over to the safe to meet up with Rick."

He frowned. It wasn't like Abby to not pay attention to these calls. "Abby, you there?… Abigail?"

Okay, that was _really_ weird. Abby _hated_ being called by her real first name. If she had heard it even in passing, he knew she'd be saying something to him as soon as she could…

Stick to the plan for now. Get the loot, get to the safe house. Resolved in his plan, List sprinted off towards the safe, finding Rick waiting. A look of concern on his face spawned a similar look on Rick's, as he unlocked the safe to reveal a combination lock behind the key lock. Sighing, he quickly cracked the combo lock, then swung the safe open.

"Grab as much as you can carry. Abby's gone dark." he told Rick, turning to the contents of the safe. A reasonable haul, mostly in gold bullion; this guy liked his gold, it seemed. Rick was easily able to carry the contents of the safe in a bag he had brought, and the big guy set about putting the treasure into said bag.

List, meanwhile, ran to the artifact hall. Quickly shattering the glass cases with his cane, he scooped up the smaller artifacts and stuck them in his pocket. The bigger ones went in a second bag, which he handed to his buddy as the strong man showed up. Satisfied with their haul, and concerned for their shared friend, they both took off for the cable car ski lift.

Rick got there first, as List had spotted one last little treasure he could fit in his bag; a sparkling purple gem, clearly ancient and incredibly beautiful. As the bear held the door for his friend, he spotted the half-coon sprinting across the snow, headed for the cable car…

…Only for the thief to be thrown backwards, caught by the shockwave of a particularly energetic shot. The doors slid shut, apparently foolproofed against firearms, and the car began its journey downwards, to the dismay of the shooter.

"Heh. I knew you'd take it on yourself to get involved in all this. Gotta know, though, what possessed you to come all the way up here, Miss Marais?" List grinned, pulling himself to his feet as the cinnamon tigress stepped out of her hiding place.

"I did not expect to find you or your gang here, Voleur. But I could not let you thieves slip through my grasp twice. It would be too much of a humiliation." came that all-too-familiar heavy French accent. "Surrender now, and I may not shoot you before I cuff you."

"Come on, officer. Surely we can work something out? I'm stealing, yes, but only from Gol Bora."

"I'll put him in handcuffs too, but you're just a common criminal, Voleur, if a particularly aggravating one."

"I take offense to that first one. 'Common' criminal? My ancestors would be rolling in their graves to hear any member of the Cooper Clan described that way."

"I don't need to hear about your family traditions, Voleur. Just cooperate. I'm not even here for you, so I'd like to end this quickly, before Gol Bora escapes."

"Oh, we have all the time in the world. I took his ammo right off his belt, so he's carrying around two guns that aren't even loaded, and Abby blew up his exit route, so he isn't going anywhere. We were kind of hoping that Interpol would show up in force to bring him in, so I made sure he didn't have bullets to shoot back, but I guess if anyone could take him out, it'd be you."

"…Why would you ever do that? You're a criminal. What concern could you have for the welfare of Interpol officers?"

"I'm not here to kill anyone. Sure, I reduced their warehouse to smithereens and Gol Bora is a lot less wealthy now, but I didn't do anything that a quick trip to the hospital won't fix to the guards."

"Argh! Why am I talking with you?! Just get down on the ground before I shoot you!"

"Actually… I'll take care of that for you." a deep voice boomed across the courtyard, diverting the attention of both criminal and cop. Gol Bora himself, in all his enormous, intimidating glory, strode across the snow, pointing an oversized double-barrel shotgun at the raccoon. "Don't mistake this for a favor. You are both trespassers, and my main hall is empty. I had no choice but to assume the two of you were responsible, and I have every right to defend my property with lethal force."

"Oh, is that so? If you think that story will fly, then please. Pull that trigger."

List brought his cane up just in time, knocking the shotgun off target as a boom sounded off. The shell hit the snow harmlessly, and as the bear reached back to reload, his eyes widened. "You little…" he growled, throwing the shotgun aside and bringing up a rifle. Again, List knocked it aside, the round splattering into the snow.

"I think that was your second _and last_ shot, big guy. Care to try your luck with your bare hands? Because I think the lovely Constable Alayna is itching to have a… Word with you." List grinned, enraging the bear.

"Voleur, I will personally ensure that you don't see sunlight for a year." the tigress hissed, leveling her shock pistol at the mobster nonetheless. To which Gol Bora… Laughed?

"You idiots. You think I only carry _two_ guns? I always carry third."

And with that, he pulled an enormous, single-barrel grenade launcher with an odd-looking magazine attachment out from his coat. List's eyes widened, but he had no time to react beyond leaping backwards as the huge bear fired at him. While the shell itself barely missed the young thief, the resulting explosion sent him flying again, leaving him half-conscious in the snow as Constable Alayna realized she was in for one hell of a fight. She dropped into a crouch, ready to dodge at a moment's notice, as the gun runner turned his sights on her.

"Now, police girl. Let us see how well you do against my special gun." he chortled, all too confident that he would have no trouble at all reducing the tigress to an assortment of sticky chunks.

"Gol Bora, you are officially under arrest for count _less_ counts of smuggling deadly weapons, as well as quite a few other things. Let's slap two counts of attempted murder on there and put you in court… I am sure they will have a great time with your ugly mug." the young cop replied, before her creepy, murderous grin broke out again. Despite the risk, she was all too aware - this was going to be a fun firefight, and she was going to have a field day taking this guy down.

They both pulled the trigger.

—

Well, sorry to leave you on a cliffhanger, but hey. Gotta work on that fight scene, which I promised would be its own chapter. And I didn't post this yesterday! I feel good about myself for not leading you guys on any further than that. That said, this story has been pretty fun so far. I've been writing when I can.

Next time, well, I mean, we just left off with a shock blast and a grenade leaving their barrels. I'm still a pretty green writer, but I'll try to make this fight awesome nonetheless!

 _With Constable Alayna's intervention, this whole scenario has grown much more complicated. What has become of Abby, who went dark after talking to Rick? And what will become of Rick, who was last seen with loot in hand, watching as his friend was corned by the good Constable? What about List, who is currently mostly unconscious by virtue of explosion? And finally, what's going to happen next for the Constable and the gangster she is fighting? Who will win? Who will lose? Who will die? At least five of these great questions will be answered next time, in Chapter 7: Pain Mountain!_

Review if you have something to say. Fave if you liked it. Follow if you want to see this fight go down.

KeyFire says: Stay sharp out there, guys!


	7. Pain Mountain

Chapter 7: Pain Mountain

—

Here we are again. I'll make this as exciting as I can, I promise, but I can't guarantee you'll enjoy it.

Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch, I'm relatively certain. I'm also running out of different ways to type that, beyond being deliberately obtuse about it.

Anyways, you came here to see this fight go down. So… YOUR WISH IS GRANTED!

—

"…st! LIST!"

The thief opened his eyes, then struggled to his feet. "…Abby?" he asked, shivering in the cold as he scanned the area, finding it littered with small craters in the snow and a chunk of black steel. "What… What happened?"

"Long story short, you were right. Constable Marais made her move at the last second. I'm sorry, List, but she made me tell her where you and Rick were."

"That explains how she got up here at the last second. Are you injured?"

"No, and Rick's here too. He told me that last he saw, you were facing off against the Constable. What happened?"

"…Right. Abby, we miscounted. Gol Bora had a holdout - some whacked-out grenade launcher with a drum mag, I see an empty mag matching it dropped here. Almost got me. I blacked out after that… No idea where he or our favorite officer got to."

"What?! List, get out of there! If they took their fight somewhere else, this is your chance to escape!"

"…Thanks for the advice, Abby, but I want to know what-"

He was cut off by a sudden boom, coming from above. Looking up, he saw shock blasts whizzing through the air, coming from…

"Situation update. They're still fighting, and they're on the helipad. I'm going to get a closer look." List said, closing the channel before Abby could complain.

—

BOOM!

Crackling electricity and high explosive collided in midair, dispersing the former and discharging the latter. As the cop and the criminal dodged and weaved, trying to throw each other's aim off, deadly packages arced quickly through the air, some intercepted by the stunning projectiles lancing across the battlefield. Craters formed with each grenade that hit the ground, as the battle began to slowly move.

Alayna was moving with practiced precision, quickly making gaps in the barrage of grenades raining down upon her and dodging through them with all the grace of a dancer in center stage. The huge criminal couldn't move much closer without exposing himself to a painful jolt, and thus was slowly driven back and up, growing more irritated by the second as the young cop kept herself from harm. Pulling the trigger again, he looked down in shock; he was out of grenades!

Several cruel reminders of the situation at hand hit him, causing a grunt of real pain to escape his throat. He was a big target, and Alayna had stopped moving as he ran out, focusing on pelting him with shock blasts.

Growling in anger, he pulled another magazine from inside his suit, quickly discarding the first and attaching the second. Driven further back still as the Constable resumed her deadly dance, a thought struck the enormous mobster, and he disengaged, turning to retreat upstairs to an advantage. Insults now accompanied the balls of lightning being hurled at him, but the monstrous bear took refuge from all that came at him, now atop of the smaller platform that made up his helipad. He was displeased to say the least at the burning hunk of metal that remained of his emergency exit, but with less room to dodge…

He fired at the stairs as the tigress ascended, an unexpected shot that she barely managed to avoid, throwing herself onto the platform. The stairs crumbled away from the powerful explosive, leaving them both trapped atop a pillar of ice.

"Now we see just how good you are at avoiding explosions, yes?" he chortled, before leveling his grenade launcher and firing again. He was almost surprised as the officer quickly took aim, intercepting his projectile with one of her own.

Quickly scrambling to her feet, Alayna began to slowly circle the outside of the platform, knowing she was now at the disadvantage. Without room to maneuver, her choices were limited…

Another grenade coming, another grenade neutralized. Locked in a deadly stalemate, the two continued to circle the platform, each wondering when the other would give way, each testing the other's defenses with an exchange of fire. Gol Bora was surprised to find the little police girl so skilled, having expected her to die so much earlier - he certainly hadn't expected to run down a whole magazine. Alayna was furious at the stubborn resistance the bear had put up, and at the relentless rain of grenades he had forced her to suffer through, but had to grudgingly admit - his marksmanship really was spot-on with that thing.

"You only have so many grenades, Gol Bora. My shock pistol's battery won't run out for a long, long while." she growled, murderous rage apparent on her face. "And when you're out of ammo, I'll just shoot you until you keel over, slap you in handcuffs, and hand you over to Interpol."

"You think you can avoid all of my shots, little girl? One will get through eventually, and when it does…"

"Don't say I didn't give you the easy-"

Two grenades were fired in quick succession, cutting her off. Alayna was just barely able to avoid the first and intercept the second, losing her balance for just a split second as she did. She cursed herself for not just shutting up and focusing as she struggled to not tumble into the snowy abyss, but her eyes widened as she realized he was lining up for another shot.

Scrambling out of the way, she dashed up to the huge bear as he took aim again, her pistol coming down hard on his head. The sheer power she had shown in her strike was more than sufficient to give any lesser men some serious blunt force trauma, but the Russian merely laughed, time seeming to slow to a crawl as the Constable found herself standing right in front of his weapon.

Her thoughts drifted momentarily to the thief she had left unconscious in the snow as she desperately jumped away, wondering if he was still alive. Shielding herself with the wide side of her shock pistol, she was thrown back across the platform by the explosion as the grenade hit the ground, the huge mob boss barely stepping back to compensate for the aftershock he suffered. The tigress skidded to a halt, unable to pull herself back to her feet, her shock pistol next to her, at the edge of the pillar they had fought atop, and came to the realization that her life was about to end. Shocked at her own foolish actions, she stared up at the sky, accepting her fate.

"Goodbye."

She shut her eyes tight, waiting for death as she heard the grenade exit its tube.

…

She heard an explosion, but it was far away, and took longer than she thought it would. Opening her eyes, she found herself looking up at the last person she expected to see.

"C'est quoi ce bordel…?"

—

Finding the stairs gone, and a sheer cliff face in his way, List had opted to take the other way up. The snow had stopped falling, so there was no real challenge for him to perform a series of Ninja Spire Jumps, each time going higher and higher until he reached the top of the building. Reaching the roof, he looked down at the fight, and his heart stopped cold.

"Dammit dammit dammit…" he growled, launching himself off of the edge of the building. Hitting the top of the pillar without so much as a whisper, he leaped forwards, not willing to lose even a scrap of his momentum as he desperately reached for the deadly package with that golden hook.

Time seemed to slow, and he saw the situation clearly. Hurtling through the air, he gently eased the C of his cane around his target so as not to trigger it, then brought it around. Even as he landed, still silent as he slid to a controlled halt, his cane sliced through the air, and with a flick of his wrist, released the grenade, sending it down into the valley below.

Gol Bora had the priceless look on his face of a man who has just seen his grenade be plucked out of midair and thrown away, and had fallen silent at the stunning display. Only that accent he knew so well cut through the heavy silence, disbelief peppering her voice.

"C'est quoi ce bordel…?"

"Since when is that appropriate language for a talented young officer such as yourself, Constable Alayna?" he grinned, bringing his cane up to his shoulder as he let out a hidden sigh of relief.

"I do not know how you did that, raccoon, but you should have run while you had the chance." came the deep voice of the Russian bear, returning his attention to the matter at hand. "Now, you too will die."

"Honestly, I'm as surprised as you are. But do you really think you can hit me?" he grinned. "You're out of ammo, after all."

The bear gave him a look of doubt, before pulling the trigger… and hearing it click uselessly. "Bah. Lucky guess."

Another click alerted him to the Constable once more. "Merde. My shock pistol is useless. There's snow in the barrel." she remarked, displeased.

"A high-profile gangster like yourself wouldn't only be carrying… Two magazines, if I guess correctly. But try to reload, and I'll just snatch the magazine out of your hand and throw it into the valley." List threatened, brandishing his cane.

"…I don't need my gun to get rid of you, little thief." the bear declared in return, hiding the launcher again inside his suit. He cracked his knuckles menacingly, now grinning. "I'll kill you, then the police girl."

"You'll try."

A huge fist sailed just ahead of the rest of the bear as he ran forwards, moving fast objectively but slow as molasses to the talented thief. Delivering a painful upwards strike with his cane, List slipped by the huge mobster easily.

"You'll have to be a little smarter than that to hit me." he bragged, as the now-fuming bear turned around. Dodging in between the huge bear's huge fists, he took every opportunity for his cane to slip in, slamming into the mobster's side, his torso, his legs. But to his dismay, List realized that the man wasn't slowing down at all. They didn't call him 'Pain Mountain' for nothing, he supposed.

"The police girl could not dodge forever, thief, and neither can you!" Gol Bora roared, his attacks growing increasingly erratic as List gracefully avoided each blow in turn.

"I don't need to. I just need to keep attacking until you fall down." List retorted, though he was concealing his own increasing exhaustion. Being unconscious in the snow had left him weak, and with the adrenaline high starting to lose its impact, he was feeling that in force.

In desperation, and finding that his foothold was running out as he backed towards the edge of the platform, the monstrous man swung both arms together, finally catching the thief in a crushing embrace. In a moment, the situation had become hopeless again; List was left dangling in the air, held by the huge bear with a single hand as the mobster began to laugh again.

"You see, little thief? I did not get this far by being easily defeated!" he growled, still furious but ecstatic that he had caught List. "You were talented, but you should have run! None can overcome Pain Mountain!"

"Given five more minutes, I would be planting my very own little flag on your ugly mug." List growled, as the gangster fished around in his suit for a fresh magazine. He really did know his weapons, as he demonstrated by using his free hand to jam the fresh mag into his grenade launcher, before pointing the weapon at List.

"I do not want any doubt, thief. You survived before, and you will not survive again." he explained.

Time came to a halt. List knew he couldn't die here; he wouldn't disappoint his ancestors like that. The Constable was still too injured to be of help, and he was almost out of options…

He wasn't ready to die yet. And besides, he couldn't let himself die if it meant...

Steeled in his resolve, he made his decision. As Gol Bora pulled the trigger, he felt his weapon grow just ever so slightly more heavy, and his eyes went down to it, curiosity overriding his desire to watch the annoying thief die.

His eyes went wide. In an instant, he understood the situation, with clarity he himself found truly terrifying.

The grenade, primed by its 'launch', ricocheted back into its brethren. The entire magazine went up in the resulting explosion, taking the weapon apart.

List flew up, then hit the ground hard, skidding a short distance and stopping next to the Constable. The blockage wasn't so lucky, sent spinning off into the valley below by the blast - List couldn't see which way it went.

Gol Bora, too, took the impact hard, stumbling back just one step too far. With a roar of anguish, the bear slipped over the edge of the platform, falling to his doom on the rocks so far below.

Breathing heavily, List barely retained his hold on consciousness, the world flickering out as he watched the Constable finally pull herself up, stunned.

"Voleur… You said that was too precious to just part with." she managed, looking over at the thief, the fire of battle gone from her eyes.

"Hehe… What kind of man would I be to value… Objects… More than… Life?…"

With that, he lost his grip on consciousness, slumping fully into the snow.

—

Yes, this is the actual end of the chapter. That was exciting, huh? I know, it was a little weak at points, but what do you want from me I'm only human.

Or _AM_ I?

Hehe. Anyways, that was the 'Boss Fight' portion of this mission. Next chapter will be basically equivalent to the outro segment. Hope to see you then.

 _Gol Bora is gone, but what will become of the Cooper Gang now, with Constable Alayna fully aware of their safe house and right next to their unconscious leader? And what precisely is it that List used to block the grenade at the last second? Find out next time, in Chapter 8: A Snowy Goodbye!_

Review if you have something to tell me. Fave if you liked it. Follow if you want to see what happens now.

KeyFire awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…


	8. A Snowy Goodbye

Chapter 8: A Snowy Goodbye

—

Well, we made it through the first mission. Probably. Who wants to see what happens next? I know I do.

Let's get going, shall we?

Sly Cooper doesn't belong to me. Really. If that property belonged to me, Sly 5 would be well underway by now. And it isn't, at least according to reliable news at the time of this writing.

Enough stalling. Let's see what happens next.

—

…

Okay, he wasn't cold anymore. That was a plus. But that meant he was either inside, or dead.

"LIST!"

That voice belonged to Rick. Okay, he was inside. That was… That was good.

The thief groaned in agony as he struggled back to consciousness. "I really need to stop getting blown up…" he muttered, clutching his head, before a clinking noise caught his attention. Opening his eyes fully, he realized that he was… In the safe house.

And Rick and Abby were looking at him.

And he was… In handcuffs?

His muddled memories slowly returning, the thief moved his arms experimentally. "Someone want to explain why I woke up clapped in irons? Or did we just get press ganged?" he asked, grinning despite his splitting headache.

"Long story. We have some questions for you, too." Abby replied, looking worried.

"Shoot. I'll try to answer."

"Alright. What in blue blazes happened up there?! You cut me off, and next we see you you're barely alive!"

"I think… Yeah. I saved the Constable from a grenade, then… Oh."

"Well?!"

"Uh… I might've killed Gol Bora by making his grenade launcher blow up in his face."

"YOU WHAT?!"

"Well, not directly. He got hurt pretty bad by the explosion, but then he stumbled off a cliff. I'm pretty sure he's dead from the fall if nothing else."

"Okay, okay… We didn't come here to kill, but if nothing else, that at least takes him out of the picture for good… And now we don't have to worry about an angry Russian mob bear seeking revenge…"

"You're not freaking out?"

"I have to stay calm so I can get the full story out of you. Then I can freak out."

"Fair enough. But I answered one of your questions, so can I ask a question?"

"…Fine. We'll trade answers."

"Awesome. How'd I get back down here? Last I remember I was losing consciousness in the snow after killing Gol Bora."

"That's the thing. You were half-dead when Constable Marais dragged you in here, and she wasn't exactly in top shape either. She was so quiet, too. Didn't say a word."

"Wait, really?"

"Would I lie about that?"

"…No, I guess not."

"My turn. Where's your cane?"

"My cane… Oh. Right." List sighed, looking depressed now. "It's gone. I used it to plug up the barrel of the bad guy's grenade launcher. It survived the blast, but it went over the edge of the platform. Last I saw of it, it was sailing down and out of sight."

"…Isn't that cane a priceless family heirloom and the key to your family vault, along with the only tool you swear by in any and every situation?"

"It was either that or die messily."

"I'm surprised you didn't choose the latter."

"Very funny, Abby. My turn. Why am I in handcuffs?"

"Like I said, Constable Marais dragged you in here. We all patched you up, then she put you in handcuffs and just… Left."

"Didn't even leave a message?"

"She told us that she'd shoot us if we left before she got back."

"Sounds like her, alright. I'm confused, though. She must've known that I could get out of handcuffs… She knows for a fact that I am extremely good with locks."

"We're just as clueless as you are, List. Like I said, she was really quiet. Barely said anything other than that one message. It looked like she was thinking about something. My turn. Why did you go up there and save her?"

"Being a thief's no fun without someone trying to catch you. Besides, we're all alive and the bad guy is out of the picture. Everything worked out, right?"

"Aside from the fact that we are very likely going to jail now? Yeah, just peachy. Rick, back me up on this."

"I dunno, Abby." the bear remarked, looking thoughtful. "She brought List all the way back down the mountain and helped patch him up. Maybe she'll give us a pass?"

"I don't know why I expected you to say anything else. You always have hoped for the best, Rick." Abby sighed in response.

"I guess we'll find out when-"

The half-coon thief was cut off by the front door swinging open, all three quickly looking over. Standing in the doorway was none other than Constable Alayna herself. A bruise on her cheek and a cut on her hand were her only visible injuries, but List's trained eyes quickly found the limp she was trying so hard to conceal, the hand she was so desperately trying not to bring to her gut - she was more badly wounded than she looked.

"Voleur. I see you're awake. And still in handcuffs." she remarked, stepping inside.

"Figured it'd be rude to pick them without knowing why they're on me in the first place." he grinned, not calling attention to her barely concealed wounds. "I assume there's a reason you brought me back down here?"

"…You sacrificed your cane to save my hide. Faced with a life in jail, you refused to drop it. But when I was on the line too, you were willing to part with it."

"An intriguing theory. And you're sure I wasn't just trying to save my own life? Or are you rationalizing because there's some other reason you saved me in return…?"

"Keep digging and I may just forget, Voleur. And for that matter, yes. I am sure it was for my benefit." she told him, getting flustered now. She was out of anger, after that emotionally draining scene on top of the mountain, but the thief just had a way of getting under her skin…

"You're a police officer. I thought your kind only came to that kind of conclusion with some hard evidence." he grinned, amused.

"You did not run away, Voleur. You could have left me to die, it would've made no difference. Instead, you got up to the platform, and _snatched a live damned grenade out of midair_." she reminded him.

"Oh? Is that a hint of admiration I hear in your voice? And I thought you had your eyes closed when that happened…" he grinned, a little flattered at her remembrance of the event.

"Not admiration, Voleur." she told him, adding "T'es un putain de fou furieux." under her breath.

"What did I say about cursing?"

"My shock pistol is working again, Voleur."

"Please, continue."

"Très bien. I only suspected it until just now. You just confirmed it for me. Which is evidence for the reason behind your later actions." the tigress revealed, a smug grin on her face.

"…Damn. You're pretty good at this."

"Of course. Anyway. Consider the rescue a favor returned."

"Is that all? You don't strike me as the type to come back unless you had something else to say." List asked, certain that there was more to the story than what she was telling him.

She considered for a moment, then seemed to make up her mind. "Your team is free to go. I cannot legally arrest you here as you have no outstanding warrants, thanks to the wonderful world of bureaucracy, though I could easily detain all three of you for questioning. Consider _that_ a thank you for finishing my job."

"Speaking of which, don't you need to radio in to your boss and tell him what happened?" Abby asked, unable to help herself against her own curiosity.

"I already did, jackal. 'For commendable effort and great risk to personal safety', I have been promoted to Inspector pending retrieval of Gol Bora's corpse." Alayna replied, looking conflicted.

"I suppose that you didn't want to take the reward without ensuring that the 'civilian' who assisted you went uncompensated?" List interjected, looking amused again.

"Do not push your luck. I have told them that your gang was responsible for the fracas in the base and the emptying of the house, and escaped while I confronted my target. Telling them the truth would cause… Complications." she replied, looking uncomfortable. "In short; this meeting never happened. Understand?"

"Of course. Wouldn't dream of ruining your reputation at the office." List grinned. The newly-minted Inspector rolled her eyes, crossed the room, and dropped something into his hand.

"No point in keeping you in cuffs." she explained, as he quickly used the key to free himself.

"Thanks. I could've picked the lock, but this is so much more civilized, don't you think?"

"Why do you insist on pushing your luck so far, Voleur?" she asked, irritated.

"Danger is my middle name, my dear Inspector."

"I thought it was Conner, after your grandfather?" asked Rick, looking confused.

"That's… Yes, Rick." Abby sighed.

"…Anyways. I should get going. I still have to locate Gol Bora's body before the rest of the Interpol team arrives. Shouldn't be hard." Alayna remarked, heading for the door.

"It was a pleasure working with you, Inspector." List grinned, before settling back into a chair. "We'll be out of here shortly."

As she reached the door, the Interpol officer paused, before sighing. "Voleur."

"Yeeeees?"

"It was… Nice of you. Sacrificing your cane for me."

"…No problem. Like I said. What kind of man would I be to value an object over a life?"

"…Here."

She reached around the corner of the door frame, and pulled something out from where she had left it when she entered. Not bothering to look back, she threw it to List, all three members of the gang watching with wide eyes as the object sailed in a perfect arc into his lap.

"You are still a thief, Voleur, and next we meet, I will put you in jail for it. But for sacrificing your own treasure… I found that for you." she told him, not looking back as List picked it up. When he didn't respond, she half-turned, a wide grin on her face. "And making you speechless makes the time I spent searching for that so very worth it."

"You know, for a police officer bent on shooting us with a taser on steroids and throwing us all in jail, you're pretty cool!" Rick beamed, first to recover after the shock.

"…Thank you. Remember, next we meet, we are enemies once more."

"Inspector."

"Say your piece quickly." she replied, turning all the way and facing the now-serious thief.

"You've done me a favor greater than you can imagine. I don't think I could ever pay you back in full for this. But, for what it's worth… From the bottom of my thieving heart, thank you." he said, all of the playful undertones gone from his voice.

"You would be no fun to arrest without that, Voleur. And with that final remark, I shall take my leave."

This time, she didn't look back. The tigress walked out into the snow, letting the door swing shut behind her, as Abby finally composed herself enough to speak.

"I… I don't think I've ever seen you so serious, List." she managed, looking in near-awe at the object he was now holding in his hands.

"I've never had occasion. But I couldn't possibly joke about something like this."

"So you meant what you said? About how you owed her?"

"I meant every word, Rick, and I think Miss Marais understood that."

Silence reigned in the safe house, as all three looked at the precious treasure that they had thought was lost to the winds.

Abby finally broke their moment of thought. "We should probably get going. We still have to take care of the loot, and we need to get out of here before Interpol arrives in force."

List nodded, silent as a mouse, and all three began to load up for a hasty departure. It wasn't long before they were on the road again, Abby giving a sigh of relief as several choppers with the Interpol symbol on them buzzed by. "We got out of there just in time." she remarked, looking ahead again. "I have a contact in Moscow. We can sell some of this loot, keep the rest. I know your family likes to save up." she giggled, attempting to lighten the mood.

"Yeah… That's a good plan. Rick, think the van will hold up that far?"

"The Mighty Rick's Mighty Van will not be stopped by such puny weather conditions as these!"

"Then Moscow it is." List nodded, cracking a grin at last. "Abby, any prospects after that?"

"None. I've looked through the files, and we'll have our chance to go after our next Steele Ring target in a month. Until then, we're on break, I guess. Ugh, my connection just died. They must've found my USB." Abby sighed, looking disappointed that her hack had failed. And after she put so much time into it, too…

"Then we live it up in Moscow, then back to Paris for some down time. After we're all ready and the appropriate time has come…"

List swung his reclaimed cane around, pointing it to the sky with a huge grin on his face.

"We dole out some karma."

"That was a weak line, List." Rick remarked, unimpressed.

"They can't all be winners. But we can."

"Little better. Keep working on it." Abby told him, typing away at her computer. The thief merely grinned, settled back in his seat, and tipped his hat over his eyes. He needed some sleep…

—

Well, that was fun. I didn't want the lost cane to turn into a long-running subplot - I mean, come on. That's just too easy. Instead, I used it as a short-term plot device. Less easy, because I have to figure out a way for List to repay that favor.

Updates… probably won't slow. But their progress will. We'll have a chapter or two I think you'll find intriguing to fill space, then move on to the next bad guy.

 _With Gol Bora gone, the Steele Ring is down a man, but with no opportunities on any of the others, the Cooper Gang is taking some time for R &R. Will they be able to get some actual rest? What's going down in Interpol-town? Find out next time, in Chapter 9: In The Interim!_

Review if you have something to say. Fave if you liked it. Follow if you… Want… To… Follow?

KeyFire, making my exit.


	9. In The Interim

Chapter 9: In The Interim

—

This is the chapter in between the important chapters. I just need a minute to think through the next bad guy, okay? Besides, we don't want all operations, all the time.

Do I really have to say it again? Still, better repetitive than illegal. Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch.

That's out of the way. I think you'll find this chapter… Interesting. I'll translate most of the French, don't worry.

—

"Inspector Alayna Marais, Personal Audio Log Number 1. Je jure par Dieu (I swear to God), if anyone but me is listening to these, I will hunt you down. These are my personal records.

No news on the Cooper Gang since that episode in Russia. At least, no official news. They seem to have gone under the radar since their heist against the late Gol Bora. I am left wondering, are they just as out of leads as I am?

On the unofficial side of things, the files they stole have mysteriously been put back. No doubt in my mind that they made copies, but it IS nice to have all that research back. I made some copies of my own, stashed them in my personal vault. Better safe than sorry, n'est-ce pas?

I'll admit, I am almost impressed with them. Their leader, le Voleur by the name of List Cooper, is in possession of a very strange sense of morality. Thievery and vigilantism are illegal, though. I still fully intend to put him in jail. That does not mean I cannot respect him as an enemy, despite how annoying he is when he opens his mouth.

I have only had brief meetings with the other two members, but they seem to be as difficult to dismiss as their leader. The smart one - Abigail, if memory serves - is pragmatic but obviously cares for her allies. I had to put my shock pistol up against her head to force her to reveal the other two's location back in Russia. The strong one - Rick, I think - is surprisingly kind, if a little thickheaded. He actually complimented me on my way out.

I'm still stuck on what le Voleur said. He 'owes me'. What could he have meant by that? It's been rattling around in my head since he said it a week ago. It was the first time he's said something and not been un gros malin (a smart-ass) about it. It was actually a little odd to see him so serious. I know he was attached to that cane of his, but…

The cane! Merde, I keep meaning to talk about that. It was easy enough to find, knowing roughly where it fell. Brown and gold stick out in so much white. Mon Dieu, what kind of thief carries something so easy to see? And why use it as a tool if it means so much to him? 

…Questions to sleep on. I need rest. End of log."

—

"Personal Audio Log Number 2. Ce foutu Voleur (That damn Thief). I check my personal vault this morning, and what do I find? He's broken into my office again! Left a note this time, on that blue calling card of his. 'Guess I just missed you. Wanted to see if you were alright without me. Seems you'll live.' Back to being a smart-ass, I see, Voleur, and back to pushing your luck.

Seems to almost be a trend with him. Living on the edge, I mean. It's infuriating; can't he get his adrenaline kick skydiving or croc wrestling or actually confronting me so I can finally haul him off to jail? Why this game?

I suppose now is as good a time as any to record my findings since last time I recorded one of these. Mon Dieu, these Steele Ring idiots are hard to track down. I've found my lead, though, and I'll follow it through. I have to wonder if Abigail has found this lead as well…

One of the cleverest members of the Steel Ring is holding a, I kid you not, _cotillion._ For someone supposed to be so clever, il est un idiot. Un putain _cotillion_ (he is an idiot. A damn cotillion)? Nobody calls them that anymore!

Despite the incredibly conspicuous and frankly dumb name, it has apparently attracted a good number of high-profile individuals. Most of them are under some serious suspicion for possible links to the criminal underworld, leaving Interpol wondering if this is just a coverup for some kind of meeting between that guy and his… I don't know what to call them. Shareholders, maybe? Whatever.

Interpol wants me undercover again at the… À l'enfer avec il (To hell with it). At the _ball_. And that means finding a dress that looks good on me and then trying to go unnoticed. Mon Dieu. At least in the parka back in Russia I didn't have to look like I belonged at a fancy party.

Well, whatever. If it means a crack at the idiot who decided 'cotillion' was a fitting word, I'm game. Just hope I don't blow it. Manners aren't my thing…

Oh, and the techs finally figured out what that thing they pulled out of the server terminal was. Before they told me, they insisted that it was wired to blow itself out, and that it definitely was not their fault. I do not believe them, but I humored them.

Turns out it's a… Dammit, how did they describe it… A USB linked up to a satellite transmission device. In essence, a portable, unsecured wireless link. They told me it was probably being used in an attempt to tear down the defenses in the server terminal, but why leave it there? I was told only basic defenses were up on that terminal, and the techs had it open in under an hour. It seems sloppy of the Cooper Gang to not take their toys with them. Sure, I don't have any direct links to them for this, but it just reeks of Abigail's handiwork.

I smell a rat, but there's nothing I can do about it. That USB is fried now, so there's no getting data off of it, and I'll just alert the rat if I ask for a second look at that terminal. Hm. There's got to be a reason…

I should prepare. I have two weeks left. End of log."

—

"Personal Audio Log Number 3. I'm almost hesitant to chronicle what is on my mind at the moment… But there's no point in stalling it. Je jure par Dieu, if anyone else hears this…

Alright. My office was broken into yet again today, and what do I find? One of le Voleur's calling cards, of course, with something I'd find romantic coming from anyone else written on it. From him, though, it's just infuriating and I don't know why!

He wrote, and I quote 'Figured I'd stop by again to see my favorite Inspector. When you weren't around, I got worried. I've been holding onto this for a while, hoping to bump into you, but I suppose this is as _safe_ a place as any to leave it. Consider it a token of my gratitude for what you so generously did for me.'

It's romantic and all, but I can't help but hear it in his voice. And it's just so very infuriatingly coy. Who exactly does he think he is? Je ne suis pas une fille pour séduire, je suis un Inspecteur déterminé à mettre ce Voleur en prison (I am not a damsel to woo, I am an Inspector determined to put that Thief in jail)!

That said… The gift is interesting. It's a gemstone of some kind, I'm not sure exactly what, but it's a deep purple and very old. I could log it as evidence, but the calling card they left in the safe is enough to pin the Gol Bora heist on them… So I'm keeping it. Not sure what I'll do with it just yet, but I have to cut myself a _little_ slack here. Il est probablement vaut une fortune putain (It's probably worth a damn fortune), and it's a _gem_ for crying out loud.

In the meantime, I've been mostly doing paperwork. Mon Dieu. Paris is the city of my birth, and it is where I was raised. But it's just starting to get on my nerves that there's so much paperwork and so little fieldwork.

Honestly, that's all I have to say about this week. Hopefully, next week will be more interesting. End of log.

—

"Personal Audio Log Number 4. I love my job, I really do, but I love it when it's about doing _interesting_ things. Right now, it's about sitting in the office, doing paperwork. And I'm bored out of my mind here! 

On the upside of things, I'm off for my next target tomorrow. I found a decent dress that won't attract too much attention and that fits the dress code. I should be able to blend right in, so long as I keep my shock pistol hidden.

I never thought I'd say this, but I almost _miss_ le Voleur. Irritating though he is, at least he keeps things interesting. I had the gem from last week appraised, and the man who did it practically had to pick his jaw up off the floor. It was worth _several_ fortunes. Leaving the question; why did he leave it in my personal vault? He _had_ to know just how much it was worth, and why steal if not for the money?

Well, I won't have to worry about my office soon enough. The security in this Steele Ring member's little party is _tight_. No ins or outs except if you're on the guest list, and thanks to some strings pulled by my superiors, _I am_. Unfortunately, due to the overabundance of potential criminals there, I'm not flying solo on this one. There are quite a few other Interpol officers both in disguise as guests and working as plants inside their security force. This is one party that will definitely end with a _bang_. Hehehe. I am a little peeved that they don't think I can arrest these chumps without backup, but a smart officer knows to accept backup when offered.

With any luck, it will be fairly uneventful. Walk in, gather the evidence, arrest the bad guy, walk out. But I have a bad feeling about this, and that rat I smelled is still scurrying about…

Probably all in my head. Still, I should be on alert tomorrow. End of log."

—

Short chapter, yes. It's an interim chapter after all. Next time, we'll have a quick intro, then get straight down to business. In medias res, but not quite… Eh, you'll see what I mean. Those little breaks between segments of each chapter will probably be used more often in the chapters to come. Don't be fooled; they do not indicate only the end or beginning of a chapter anymore.

No blurb this time because that'd give too much away.

Review if you want to say something. Fave if you liked it. Follow if you want to know what kind of horribly stereotypical easily hatable villain I'll intro in the next chapter, in accordance with Sly tradition.

KEY FIRE! Wants to take a nap.

G'night.


	10. A Killer Party

Chapter 10: A Killer Party

—

Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch. I'm keeping this short because the chapter's probably gonna be short. Good luck.

Let's go!

—

"Remind me how this made sense an hour ago?"

"It didn't make sense then either."

"Okay, but remind me why I agreed to this an hour ago."

"Simple. It was less illogical than the other plans."

"I don't know what to say to that. You know what, talk me through this again. I need to make sure I know what I'm doing."

"Well, with a little help from your Victorian-era ancestor, Thaddeus Winslow Cooper, we've managed to make you look halfway presentable and less like a thief."

List grinned. "True. The old man had some _serious_ style. This suit feels like it's tailor-made for me, even though it's got to be at least a hundred years old…" he remarked, examining the royal blue suit he was wearing. It really did fit him perfectly; aside from a few oddballs, the Cooper family genes and upbringing had left almost every member of the clan at about the same measurements. With a little bit of the fur dye TWC had cooked up back in his day to ensure that his identity remained a secret during infiltration jobs like this, List looked more like a grey fox than a raccoon, and would stay that way for some time… or until he took a very long bath.

"Yeah, you're lucky that you're half fox to begin with. For now, you're undercover. Remember your fake name?"

"No."

"Forgivable. After all, you'll only need it to get inside… I'll feed it to you when you reach the door."

"Fair enough. Please tell me, why am I infiltrating this place _alone_?"

"You actually want to bring Rick along for infil?"

"…And you're manning the computer and crunching the data… Alright. Let me rephrase. Why am I infiltrating _at all_? I could just sneak in, grab some recon photos, and meet you both back at the safe house. But like this? I can't just keep coming and going."

"We need someone to be on the inside almost continuously. This member of the Steele Ring is supposedly downright crazy, and rumor is he's planning a major attack against Interpol that's part of this party. Every development could be important. Besides, I thought you liked this kind of Ocean's Eleven BS."

"…Okay, sure. I'm almost at the door."

"Your fake ID is…"

—

 _SNAP!_

Abby grinned. List was doing just fine undercover - seemed to have found his way into a good place near the back of the huge ballroom. Checking the picture, she nodded - he was quick to find their enemy here.

"That man may look nice enough, but there's a reason nobody seems to know who's in charge here." she told List, as she examined the photograph. "He's gone undercover himself. Few know what he usually looks like, and none know his real name, but there's no doubt in my mind; that bat is the Plague Doctor. Hell, he's even wearing the cloak I found in the dossier picture from Interpol."

"He seems pretty scrawny."

"Don't be fooled; this guy is a master alchemist. Word on ThiefNet is that he carries a ton of potions around on him, and drinks several with every meal. His only fear is electricity, which is why he never flies when it's raining, and he wears a cloak that's supposedly proofed against lightning. Kinda makes me wonder why he doesn't fly in a storm if the storm can't hurt him."

"Geez. I guess I'll keep my distance. Speaking of which, I've noticed a lot of faces here that don't belong. The disguise has held up so far, though."

"Good."

 _SNAP!_

"Thank you for remembering."

"I still don't get why you needed a photo of the vents."

"Simple. The English castle estate you're standing in is pretty damn old. That's why all the tapestries and such and the stone exterior. But it's also been retrofitted with some more modern equipment. Hence, the vents. I got a tip on ThiefNet that they're an integral part of the Plague Doctor's plan, and that he's got some serious skullduggery going on here."

"Whoa. Hang on a second, this is going to throw a wrench into your plans."

"What do you…?"

 _SNAP!_

"…Well that's just freakin' great; I think I might hyperventilate…"

"Just keep rhyming to yourself and I'll tell you what I think."

"Please proceed with your conversation, while I try to regain concentration."

"Alright. Well, I think Interpol decided that a semi-legitimate party like this one needed more than one officer at it. Strange, I haven't spotted the good Inspector yet, but there's definitely a few officers here. They're not good at concealing their weapons."

"…They must've linked this party to the Plague Doctor as well… But they're not here for you, that's easy to tell…"

"Yeah. None of them approached me, and besides, with a good composite of my face they'd see right through the dye job. Guess I should be relieved that… she's…"

"What happened?"

 _SNAP!_

"Oh no."

"Yeah… She's here."

"List do not go anywhere near her."

"I'll avoid her if I can, I promise. She's seen my face up close and personal. In this lighting, it'll be easy enough for her to tell that I'm in disguise…"

"You're moving for a better look at her right now, aren't you."

"Hey, don't judge me. I am a man, after all. And you saw what she was wearing. She expects to go unnoticed in a black dress like that?"

"List, if you blow your cover…"

"I mean, come on, I'll blend right into the crowd. Everybody's already staring, and I think I see some drool from one of the cops. She won't notice me in the crowd."

"You have pictures to take!"

"…Fine."

 _SNAP!_

"Good, now you're thinking logically. That chandelier is difficult to access, but you'll need to at some point; word on ThiefNet is that it's the easiest way into the security system. The satellite USB I gave you should work perfectly for that."

"Got it. I think I see a route up, but it's under heavy guard. If you and Rick create a distraction, I should be able to just climb right up and pop it in."

"Good. I'll plan for that. One last picture, then mingle. I'll crunch the numbers and alert you when we need you to do something."

"Of course."

 _SNAP!_

"Perfect. That guard matches the FaRe System."

"Fare?"

"Facial Recognition. That particular young lady may look a little skinny, but don't be fooled. She is a Great Dane, after all. She's the ever-so-talented Miss Elizabeth, and she serves as chief of the guard here. We'll need to neutralize her eventually, but until then keep clear of her if you can, List. She's an expert combatant and very good at counter-espionage. And, apparently, cleans up rather well."

"Eh, she's not my type. Too… angular."

"Fair enough."

"Oh. Hey, uh, development at hand."

"What? Tell me!"

"You have to see this."

 _SNAP!_

Abby had to cover her mouth while she laughed. "Guess some people just can't get along…" she managed.

The picture was of two people getting into an argument - Inspector Marais and Chief of the Guard Elizabeth. Both seemed to be pissed off, despite having met at most ten seconds earlier. Their mutually aggressive postures indicated that they were moments from mutual violence.

"Well, they are a cat and a dog. No physical fighting - looks like someone intervened. But those two really don't like each other." List reported, suppressing a chuckle of his own.

"No kidding. I bet we can use this mutual animosity to our advantage…"

"No bet."

"Right. I'll set up with Rick in the safe house. Get to mingling and keep an eye out; let me know if anything else happens."

"You got it."

As Abby hung up the call, she turned to Rick. "We've got all the intel we need, and I've got our next moves all mapped out. Are you ready?"

"Of course!"

"Then let's get going. Here's the plan…"

—

Sorry, but it couldn't last any longer. I don't like beating dead horses. And I'll be honest, I'm just about to pass out.

 _Next time! List's gone undercover in a cotillion that's just full of surprises. Will his disguise, meager though it is, hold? Or will he get caught? One thing's for sure; this is one volatile situation! Let's see what happens in Chapter 11: Catch Your Breath!_

Review if you want to say something, fave if you liked, follow if you want to keep up with the story.

KeyFi-*thump* *snores*


	11. Catch Your Breath

Chapter 11: Catch Your Breath

—

Well, last chapter was short. Phase 2, or Preparation, will be at least a little longer. I like to keep the detail to tense scenes, you know, so the Recon and Prep phases should be reliably shorter than the Action and Operation scenes. Just a heads up.

And, uh, another heads up. Those of you who played Sly 2 have probably already guessed what's going down near the end of the party.

Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch, or at least that's what I've been told.

With that out of the way, onwards!

—

"So what's the plan?" Rick asked, looking bored. Ever since they had set up in the small stone shack out in the forest, he had been waiting while Abby helped List infiltrate the… cote-whatever. Party. Yeah, party was easier.

"It's a simple one. But we do need a distraction. In fact… Hehehe. I think I have the perfect idea." Abby replied, sporting a devious smile.

"Well? What is it?"

"List said a rivalry formed on the spot when the good Inspector and the guard in charge met face to face. If he can exploit that, it's sure to cause a scene; maybe even give us an angle for distracting the crowd later, during the final operation."

"What, like getting them into a fight?"

"Sort of. Meanwhile, I need you to help me with making an entrance into the castle. Word is there's a secret underground tunnel, but it's been collapsed for a long time now, and the current owner never got around to renovating it. It gives us a clear entry to the restricted access area within the castle."

"Why do we need a distraction for that?"

"Because it'll keep the guard's attentions elsewhere. Rick, do you really want to sneak around guards who are on full alert?"

"Good point."

"List, do you read me?" Abby asked, speaking now into the comm she had set up between them and their friend.

"…"

"List, respond."

"Sorry. I had to make a quick getaway when I heard the static start up. I hear you."

"Good. Now, is the Chief of the Guard still there?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Convince her to dance with you. Right in the middle of the room."

"…What? Why?!"

"Well, first off, we need a distraction. Secondly, she's supposedly extremely competitive; it should be child's play for you to use that against her. Thirdly, it's sure to cause Inspector Marais some distress to see the woman she just fought dancing with a partner, while she herself is alone. Might give you an angle to get close to her while keeping her from really considering who you are?"

"That's a serious risk."

"Yeah, but it's a necessary one. If we don't do this, we stand a much lesser chance of later success. Especially during the op."

"…You really think I can pull this off."

"You're the one with the Idiot's Guide to Thievery."

"I'll thank you not to besmirch the name of the Thievieus Raccoonus, but I suppose you have a point."

"Just keep the guards distracted. Hell, start a catfight if necessary. The more of them there, the better. I have to take Rick into the restricted area, so we need as much leeway as possible."

"Wait, wait. You're taking _Rick_ along?"

"I need someone with some serious muscle to get this bit done. So, yes."

"…Okay. You got it. I'll see what I can get done down here. Good luck."

"I'll let you know when we're clear. Until then, keep the distractions coming, but keep your cover."

"Probably a problem, but I'll take care of it."

The call disconnected, and Abby nodded to Rick. "Alright. Follow me."

—

As List made his way to the Great Dane Abby had fingered as Chief of the Guard, he took note of the good Inspector standing a ways off, glaring daggers at his current target. With a grin on his face, he emerged from the crowd next to the guardswoman, careful to keep himself just out of sight of the Inspector without seeming suspicious.

"I'd say this was a nice party, but…" he mentioned, causing the slightly older woman to turn her head to look at him.

When he didn't continue, she glared. "If you have something to say, say it." she told him, her voice rough, though List could detect the undertones of curiosity.

"Well, I haven't seen anyone dance well enough to really control the floor. Under other circumstances, that might mean everyone here was skilled. But looking around, I haven't found anyone with more than mediocre ability." he continued, his voice matter-of-fact. He was speaking with a difficult-to-place accent; possibly British, but it wasn't really from anywhere. Easier to avoid recognition that way; it was a disguise trick he had picked up.

"Hmph. Then you weren't paying attention earlier when I was out there." she replied, a slight edge to her gruff voice now.

"Oh, but I was. It's unfortunate, but it has to be said; you weren't all that impressive." he returned, hiding a grin when he saw the fire in her eyes. Before she could say anything, he added, "But then, you were dancing solo… Much more difficult to execute a commanding performance that way."

"Oh, really…?" she growled, though he could see the idea in her head as it took hold. "Then what do you suggest?"

"Seek a partner, perhaps?"

"And who better than the smart-mouthed fox standing next to me, since he's so clearly talented? Of course, there's always the possibility that he's got no talent at all, or is a coward…" she replied, the challenge clear… And exactly what List had been seeking.

"A good question. Are you asking if we should find out?"

"And if I am?"

"Then I accept your invitation."

A look of surprise crossed her face, but she quickly wiped it clean, determination and irritation replacing it as List merely grinned.

"You talk big, but let's see just how well you keep up in action." she replied, walking out onto the dance floor, as List kept step perfectly beside her, pleased at how easy it was to manipulate the Chief of the Guard.

—

"Alright, we're here. Rick, you still have that thing I gave you?"

"You mean the big thick sheet? Yeah."

"It's a tarp, Rick. Waterproof, extremely resilient as far as cloth goes, and surprisingly good at putting out fires."

"…I get the feeling you mentioned that last thing for a reason."

"You are correct. Rick, I'm going to pump this bush full of incendiaries with my BB gun. Your job is to block the light coming from the bush."

"In-cen-di-whats?"

"Firestarters."

"Oh."

"Once the bush is gone, put out the fire. If my calculations are right - and they are - there will be a trap door under it. Once we're through, you can start digging - there's gonna be a lot of rock in the tunnel, and we need to get through as quickly as we can."

"I may be Mighty, but somehow I feel that a tunnel full of stone will take a while to dig out by myself."

"Don't worry. We're close to the castle, and I have a couple of silent explosive rounds on hand. The real problem will be the rocks busting - we don't have a way to make that quiet. If there's a guard too close, we'll be caught pretty quickly…"

"Never fear! List is probably already well underway with his distraction!"

"Which is exactly why we have to work fast. If he runs out of distraction before we run out of tunnel, we're dead in the water."

"Then what are we waiting for?!"

"Good point. Take a step back and keep the tarp handy - you need to toss it over the fire almost instantly."

With that, Abby took aim, and pulled the trigger several times. Rounds shot into the bush, snagging in the tangled mess of branches, and ignited just as the tarp fell onto the top of the plant.

"Good timing. Okay, give it a moment, then pull the tarp all the way down." she nodded, as the flames quickly consumed the bush. It wasn't long before both of them were dropping into the tunnel, and as Abby lit up a powerful flashlight, they both surveyed the work ahead of them.

"You ready?" Abby asked, cocking her BB and reloading with the appropriate rounds.

"I'm pumped up!"

"Then let's get to digging."

—

Step, step, turn, step, spin. The moves were like clockwork for the graceful hybrid, though he felt his partner struggling to keep to the beat as the music played. Though she had taken the lead quite forcefully, he knew Elizabeth was having a hard time keeping up.

They were about halfway through a shared tango, and while he knew there was no positive emotion behind the moves they both made, the simple tune that was playing was one he found relaxing, keeping his mind off of the attention they were getting.

Feeling the ground tremble just ever so slightly, he suppressed a smirk. The guards were all watching; news had spread, and quite a few had abandoned their postings to see their chief perform.

List, however, could tell that the presence of her subordinates was the cause of a great deal of pressure for the canine he was dancing with, and it wasn't helping her concentration in the least.

"Having a little trouble?" he asked quietly, still keeping time.

"No. Shut up." she growled, keeping quiet as well.

"I could take the lead if it would calm your nerves." the thief offered.

"No. _Shut up_." the guard repeated, growing more agitated.

This time, he complied, taking a little solace in the fact that any keen eye could quickly tell why the dance was going so well. It was definitely not his first choice of situation, but the dance itself kept him happy enough.

He had been taught to dance as a child, as a help to infiltration missions like these, and the tango was one of the few he had become quite thoroughly skilled in. Something about the beat of the music just kept him on point… But it wasn't half so fun without a similarly skillful partner.

Ah well. If all went as planned, he'd see if the Inspector had the skills his current partner lacked.

He hoped that his friends would be done soon… The dance was nearly over.

—

"One last punch, Rick!"

The rock wall finally shattered, creating a clear path along the tunnel. Just in time, too - Abby could hear the song coming to an end in the distance. They'd have to be quick, or they'd be caught.

"Up through the trapdoor. Hurry, we don't have much time."

As they both emerged, Abby counted the seconds. The two of them hurried through the halls, headed for a very specific room.

Abby was relieved to find it unlocked, and the two of them simply walked in.

Into a room full of dangerous chemicals and high explosives.

"Perfect. Rick, the other thing I gave you, please."

The bear quickly pulled out a small, boxy device. Abby searched the room, then set it against a wall under a table, difficult to spot and surrounded by so much dust that she doubted it'd be looked at.

"Our insurance policy." she explained, as Rick looked on curiously. "This is only a small bomb - it's the best I could cobble together - but it's more than enough to set off a chain reaction that will completely destroy this lab, and maybe a good deal more of the building. If the heist goes south, I can set this off remotely to give us a distraction."

"That's good thinking! But why did you need me to come along to set a bomb?" Rick asked, looking confused again.

"I needed you to open the tunnel and to carry the bomb. And to break down the door, if it was locked. Happily, we seem to have a clear path back. Run!"

Both jackal and bear took off at a full sprint, headed for the trapdoor. Abby grimaced - the music was gone. They had, at best, a few seconds before guards started returning to their posts.

Rick reached the tunnel first. Flinging the trapdoor open, he let Abby drop into it a millisecond later before following her down, breathing a sigh of relief.

They had gone unnoticed. But would their little 'present' manage the same?

—

List's keen ears picked out a familiar footstep approaching as he straightened up properly, the dance having ended mere moments before. He gave no indication of this as a throat was cleared behind him.

"You again." Elizabeth sighed, looking irritated already.

"Indeed. I have to admit, I was impressed…"

"Ha!"

"…By your friend here. I don't believe we've met."

"Who can say for certain?" List asked, turning to face the Interpol officer with a smile, still disguising his voice. This was the stress-test, but although a flicker of confusion was evident in her eyes, he could tell that the good Inspector was unaware of his identity.

"True. You're quite skilled."

"He could barely keep up." interjected the guardswoman, looking irritated.

"Oh, please. I was watching. If anyone was having trouble out there, it was you." Alayna remarked, cold venom in her voice, before turning back to the disguised thief. "Where did you learn to dance like that?"

"Bits and pieces from all over. My parents get most of the blame, though… Why do you ask?" List inquired, shrugging carelessly with that same smile on his face.

"It was impressive, plain and simple. You must practice very often."

"Unfortunately, I never really get the chance. So few are well acquainted with the art…"

"Is that so? I happen to know a thing or two."

"Unless I'm mistaken, that's an offer to dance?"

"And if it is?"

"Then I must sadly ask for a postponement. I have business to tend to here. If you're still here later, though…?"

"If I am still here when you come looking, I'll consider it."

"And what more could I ask for? Now, however, I must take my leave. A good night to you, Miss…?"

"Marais. Alayna Marais."

"Then I hope to see you again, Miss Marais."

As List walked away, his smile widened, happy with both how well his disguise had worked out and how well the encounter had gone. A dance with the Inspector… Dangerous, but that was what he lived for. Tapping his earpiece, he spoke quietly into the comm again.

—

"…So, let me see if I've got this straight. We're still not ready for Phase 3, because you need access to the security system before we can get down to the real meat of all this, but you planted a _bomb_ in the bad guy's lab?" List asked, sounding impressed.

"Yes."

"That's… That's actually really clever. I'll see what I can do about climbing up to the chandelier and getting you into the terminal up there."

"List, wait! You can't just climb up, remember? Somebody is bound to spot you!"

"Relax. I'll slip into the back area, find a way upstairs, and use the upper balcony to access it. Nobody will be the wiser."

"…Right. Right, I knew that."

"I'm sure you did." List chuckled, before quietly easing a key out of one of the guards' pocket. "I'll let you know when I'm there."

Quickly unlocking a door, he cursed his disguise as he snuck through and into the restricted zone. Without his cane, he wasn't nearly as good in a fight, and while he was more than acrobatic enough to make his way up to the security terminal on the chandelier ("Who the hell puts one up there, anyway?"), he would have to avoid being caught on the way.

This wasn't so much a challenge as it was annoying for the skilled sneak, but it was very annoying.

"Well, no time like the present…" he mumbled, before sitting down and relaxing. It was a difficult trick to pull off, but without his cane he felt it was best to call on the Shadow Power technique.

Even skilled as he was, he hadn't quite mastered it yet. But with his mind at ease, he was ready to call on his Shadow Power at a moment's notice. Vanishing from sight, he began to walk through the halls, taking his time so as not to require too much concentration.

Though he had to contend with a few close calls, the Cooper Clan's most stealthy technique did the trick perfectly, and it wasn't long before List reached the upper balcony. Decloaking, he crouched, then launched himself across the open air in a blur of motion, landing in a roll on the topside of the chandelier.

"Abby, I'm on the chandelier. I see the terminal… Plugging you in now." he reported, fishing the USB out of his pocket and plugging it into a relevant port on the computer.

"Understood. I'll be dodging bullets for a while, but I'll let you know once I'm at the bottom of this rabbit hole."

"I'll leave you to your Matrix references, then, and find my way back down to the party. And don't worry, I'll avoid Inspector Alayna for now."

"That's all I ask. I _know_ we can use a distraction during the op. Just give me a little time to crunch this data. Abby out."

"Later, then."

—

As Abby finally cracked the last firewall, she grinned. "That's what you get for messing with The One." she chuckled, before her blood ran cold at the sight of the information she had extracted from the security terminal.

"This guy really is crazy…" she whispered. "We've got to stop him."

—

Well, what an exciting cliffhanger. Matrix references and blood-chilling data. Truly it is a work of art to last a lifetime.

Or not. You know, whichever.

 _What exactly is the information Abby has uncovered? And how will it affect their plans to rob this crazy old bat blind? Find out next time, in Chapter 12: Toxic Behavior!_

Review if you've something to say, preferably to me but hey I'm good at keeping secrets. Fave if you've liked this story so far. Follow if you want to see what's up with that cliffhanger.

KeyFire, headed down the rabbit hole. See ya!


	12. Toxic Behavior

Chapter 12: Toxic Behavior

—

No use in dragging this out. Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch. Now, let's resolve that cliffhanger, shall we? Oh, and though this is technically the Action Phase, there's not much here. Sorry.

I have nothing funny to say here. Stop reading this and start reading the next bit. Go on. Shoo.

Why are you still here?

—

"LIST!"

"Shh. What's up?"

"I cracked the code and got a chill, this party was thrown with intent to kill!"

"Intent to kill… You mean this party's a cover for a murder attempt?"

"This is much bigger than that, so we need to have a little chat…"

"Calm down. You're going to start pseudo-rhyming if you keep this up, and that always just freaks you out more."

"Yes, yes, I know you're right, but the intel gave me quite a fright!"

"Then lay it on me."

"The secret lies within the vents; therein lies a deadly scent. A gaseous toxin through and through, it's sure to kill everyone, including you!"

"Slow down. You're saying the Plague Doctor has… What? A poison gas in the vent system? He wouldn't. It would kill him and all his guards."

"I… You're right. Okay… Oh. I freaked out because I thought you were going to die, but I finally found this bit here." Abby sighed, evidently relieved.

"And you stopped rhyming. Okay, lay it on me; what's the full story?"

"All the undercover cops here? It's all part of the Plague Doctor's plan. He's got a remote on him that will open up a couple of gas tanks linked to the ventilation system, releasing a ridiculously deadly poison gas."

"Still doesn't make sense."

"But it does! The gas was specially synthesized by him, so it wouldn't kill you if you had this weird, complex chemical in your system at the time of exposure. He's fed the deactivation agent to all of his guards and 'legit' guests."

"Okay… That makes more sense."

"The sheer number of them here… he'd cripple Interpol if this plan went off. Normally, what inconveniences the cops is good for us, but this is one step too far… I ran the numbers, and things will be _objectively_ harder for us if he poisons everyone, thanks to the rampant expansion of criminal activity following a drop in Interpol presence."

"And then we have a whole slew of moral reasons to be against this."

"And that. Luckily, there's only so many tanks, and the deactivation agent permanently nullifies the gas… If I synthesize some of it myself and go back into the restricted area, I bet I can take care of it."

"So what are you waiting for?"

"Well… I'd need another distraction. And even with your disguise and her confusion, there's no way you could trick the Inspector into helping you provide one _twice_. Fortunately, it looks like the plan is to release the gas at the end of the night… Meaning…"

"Let me guess. You want to hold off on getting rid of the ridiculously deadly poison gas so that you can do it during the heist."

"…Yes."

"I can't believe I'm agreeing to this."

"It's the safest way to do it. Again, I ran the numbers. In the absence of an absolute best-case scenario where I somehow go completely unnoticed, going in without a distraction will only result in the death of quite a few people. And if we use the distraction, we run a much higher risk of being caught during the op."

"Alright, fine. I hope you know what you're doing. What's Phase Three for me?"

"For you? Nothing. I'm going to send Rick out one more time, and trigger a minor alert for the Chief of the Guard. Once she's down for the count, Rick will lift the vault codes off of her, and we'll begin the op."

"That's it? That's pretty simple."

"I need a little time to synthesize the deactivation agent anyway, and I don't have any job for you. Sit tight and avoid the Inspector. Pick some pockets if you feel like it; you need the practice without your cane and everyone at that party who isn't a cop or you is a dirtbag."

"Good advice. I'll see what I can do about that."

"Great. I'll prep Rick and send him on his way to his job."

"I really don't need to know the details of the operation itself. Just call me when you need me to provide that distraction for you."

"Fair enough, then."

As she hung up the call, the hacker turned to the muscle. "Now, I know you've got your beliefs about who it's proper to hit. But I need you to punch the chief of the guard until she's unconscious, then take her key code to the vault."

"…Do I have to?"

"Yes. It's the only way we're getting into the vault, given that List will be providing the distraction."

"But… I don't want to hit a girl!"

"Trust me, Rick. This girl deserves so much worse. She's unusually vicious at her job, and her job is to enforce order in an organization willing to cut each other's throats at the drop of a hat."

"Really?"

"And I'm not giving you a choice in the matter."

"Aw."

"It shouldn't be hard. I'll give her a fake security update over her phone, lure her out to your position. Then you knock her out and lift her codes."

"Well… Okay. But I don't want to do this!"

"Trust me, Rick. I'm well aware."

As the bear headed out to the location Abby had told him to go to, the jackal turned back to the computer, cracking her knuckles. She owned the security mainframe, so it should be simple to trick the Chief of Staff into making a hasty exit…

—

"Dammit, dammit, dammit." the canine grumbled, picking her way through the forest, flashlight in hand and jacket hastily thrown on. It was cold out there, and she'd much rather be inside, but if she was needed out here…

It was a little odd. Normally, her underlings would be doing the searching. Then again, it was an odd night… She supposed the grunts needed to be watching the guests, but still.

A rustling noise alerted her to a presence. Growling, she approached slowly, trying to catch the trespasser unawares.

A ding on her phone caused her to facepalm. "Yeah, sure, why not." she mumbled, before bursting into the clearing where the rustling had come from…

…And coming face-to-face with a bear at least twice her size.

She blinked, then had a second look at the alert on her phone. A grinning face accompanied the new message.

 _Hi! You're looking at my friend right now! We need the codes to the vault, so I've disabled your phone remotely. Good luck - you'll need it!_

Her phone automatically powered off a moment after she finished reading, followed by her looking back up at the grizzly bear.

"…Don't suppose I can talk you into leaving peacefully?"

"Sorry."

"Figured as much."

The instant she finished her sentence, she threw a punch at high speed, catching Rick right in the gut. The huge bear didn't even blink.

"You're fast, but you've got no muscle behind your strikes." he told her, before punching her in return. The breath left her lungs as she sailed across the clearing, striking a tree with a distinct crunching noise, before slumping to the ground.

"Sorry. I don't usually punch girls, but we need those codes." he apologized, before searching her pockets. Coming up with her notebook, he grinned. She was only carrying her phone and notebook - a lucky break for the team, considering that she didn't have her gun on hand.

"Rick! Sorry, but I need you to do something else. It just popped up." Abby's voice rang out, startling the bear.

"Oh, sorry. I've got the codes. What do you need?" he asked, exiting the clearing.

"I've begun brewing the neutralizing agent we need for the heist, but I need another ingredient. There's a rare species of mushroom known to grow in this forest, and I need a few of them to finish up the neutralizer. Would you mind grabbing a few on your way back?"

"Not a problem."

—

Returning with mushrooms and codes in hand, Rick took a seat. Abby grinned as she saw the bear.

"Okay, I'll have the neutralizer done in a moment. In the meantime, I'd like to go over the plan with you and List." she remarked, taking the fungus. It wasn't long before she had the chemical cooking, and turned on the mic she had placed on her makeshift worktable, ready to explain.

"I hear you. What's up?" List asked, having found a quiet spot to listen.

"Just wanted to go over the plan once more."

"I'm listening."

"On my signal, List, you'll approach Inspector Marais and redeem that offer for a dance. Make as much of a spectacle of it as you can; Rick and I need as much cover as we can get."

"Understood. Hopefully, she won't see through my disguise…"

"Hopefully. Meanwhile, Rick and I will reenter the castle through the tunnel we opened up earlier. With the guards distracted, we'll split up. I'll head for a vent access area where they have the gas tanks, and neutralize the toxins. I'll then rendezvous with Rick at the vault, where we will run away with as much of the loot inside as we can carry."

"Sounds reasonable."

"If anything goes horribly wrong, I'll detonate the bomb in the Plague Doctor's lab. The resulting confusion should give us the time we need to make a hasty escape."

"As long as none of us are too close, right?"

"Right. Anyways, once Rick and I are out of there, you'll have to make a hasty exit yourself, List. If you can get to the van before they realize that their stuff is missing, we'll be home free… I've got a contact in London who'll pay big-time for the kind of alchemical treasures the Plague Doctor's been hoarding."

"Sweet. So we make a clean getaway, have a week off in London, then head on out for our next heist."

"That's the plan."

"I like it. Are you ready?"

"I've got the neutralizers done. The plan will officially begin once I give you the signal."

"Sounds good. I'll stay low until then."

As Abby hung up, she grinned. "Let's go to work."

—

Well, that was shorter than the usual Action chapter. I didn't really have anything to blow up, given my plans for the next three chapters… Suppose I could've given a fight scene, but eh. I wasn't feeling it.

Anyways, next chapter might take a little longer. Life, you know? But I'll have it out as soon as I can.

 _Prepared and pumped up, the Cooper Gang is about to begin their heist. Will all go according to plan? Of course not. But just how will the plan go wrong? That's the bit we all want to know! Find out next time in Chapter 13: A Dance With Death!_

KeyFire, typing frantically. I'll see you all next chapter.


	13. A Dance With Death

Chapter 13: A Dance With Death

—

Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch.

Last chapter was not my best work, I'll gladly admit. But hey, we get to see the heist begin now. Let's see just how badly it gets derailed, shall we?

—

"Alright, List. You're up."

With a grin on his face, the raccoon approached the good Inspector, just as the tune that was playing ended. He knew what was on next, and it was going to be perfect for what he needed to do.

"Miss Marais?"

The tigress turned, looking pleasantly surprised. "I was wondering if you had already left. I haven't seen you." she remarked, a smile on her face.

"I wouldn't dare leave without telling you." he replied, smiling in return. "I believe you offered to share a dance?"

"I seem to recall."

"Well, the next song would be perfect for that. Shall we?"

"If you think you can keep up, then yes." Alayna grinned, hooking her arm around the disguised thief's. He followed her out to the dance floor with a smile and a hint of fear; this was the most dangerous part of the plan for him, but it was going to be fun.

As the music started, they settled into a starting stance, both taking a breath…

—

"Music's started. Rick, head for the vault, but be quiet - one or two guards may still be here, and we don't want to bring them back to check out what's making a racket."

"Got it!"

As the bear hurried off, Abby grinned, patting her pocket. "Let's get this neutralizer up there…" she murmured, before rushing off towards the stairs.

—

Forward. Forward. Forward, slow. Right. Left, slow.

"You seem rather comfortable with this." List remarked, a tinge of curiosity to his voice. The two of them turned, the lead drawing an arc along the ground with a sweep of the leg.

"We should put on a show, no?" she asked, grinning.

"Straight into the close embrace? Seems a bit forward." he replied, though he knew that their shared stance was integral to the stability of the dance.

"Are you complaining?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Not in the least."

"Then be quiet and dance."

"As you wish."

As she turned in time with him, he grinned. While their movements thus far had been basic and deliberate, they had drawn a crowd with sheer elegance. It was a slow tune that was playing in the background, but it wouldn't last forever - and neither would this truce. He could already see that she was beginning to consider who he might be, and had an odd feeling about that.

Oh well. Best to enjoy it while it lasts.

—

"Man, he's good." Abby remarked, looking down at the dance going on below. "Better get to work, though."

With that, she turned to look at the metal tank. "Now… Let's get the ugly bit going behind the scenes here. How do I decouple you without setting you off…?"

Pulling out a wrench, she began to fiddle with the tank. She then stopped, considered, and pulled out a bit of the neutralizing agent. "Better safe than sorry." she mumbled, quickly consuming it, before continuing to fiddle with the tank.

"Rick, how's that vault coming along?" she asked into her comm, keeping her attention on the tank of deadly toxins.

"Good enough. I've almost got it open. I didn't see a single guard."

"That's good to hear. I've found the gas tanks, but they're not easy to open. Looks like kind of a shoddy hookup to the vents, though, so I should be able to get it open. Problem is, I have no idea where the plug is in this thing."

"Plug?"

"Whatever they're using to keep the gas from flooding the vents. If it's close enough to the vent, then if I smash the connection I'm just letting the gas loose early."

"When'll the bad guy set that gas off anyways?"

"Unless I've missed my guess - and don't tell List this - when the party comes to a close, just before anyone leaves. The night's almost over, and I think he's holding off because he's watching the distraction just like everyone else."

"Wait, so you have to finish up there before List and the Inspector finish their dance?"

"Or everyone dies, yes."

"That's… That's pretty heavy."

"Indeed. But I think I've almost got it up here…"

—

"That's enough of the basic stuff, wouldn't you say?"

"You know, I could swear we have met before. And yes."

"I could never forget a woman like you." List grinned, as he loosened his grip just enough for her to fall halfway to the ground, catching her handily. A short pause followed, the raccoon giving a sly grin, before Alayna swung herself back up, and the dance began anew.

The thief knew all too well that the good Inspector wouldn't be fooled much longer, but hopefully the dance would distract her just as well as it did everyone else.

Well, knowing his teammates, they were almost done by now…

—

"Wow. This jury-rig is deceptively complex." Abby mumbled, her eyes widening. She had finally cracked open the first layer to find a complicated tangle of tubes and bolts.

"Okay, stay calm. It only looks complicated. It looks like… Yeah. Each bolt must correspond to a lock inside these tubes… Hm…"

A few seconds later, she began to feed the neutralizing agent through the output tube, grinning. It was took her a minute to finish opening the locks, making sure to close them back up as the chemical flowed through.

When she was finished, she shook the tank to thoroughly mix up the chemicals inside. "Aaaaand, neutralized. I should-"

She recoiled as the tube blew up halfway down its length, exposing one of the locks inside. After carefully regathering herself, she examined it.

"Weird… I guess there must've been some of the neutralized gas in there. It's explosive…?" she wondered, before a devious smile crossed her face.

—

As the dance continued, growing steadily more elaborate as lead and follow each attempted to push the other further and further, List grinned again.

"You're more familiar with this dance than you've let on?" he inquired, quickly spinning his dance partner into a double-time three-step, back to the precise center of the dance floor.

"As are you. You did not attempt anything nearly so complicated with your last partner." she replied, using the momentum to spin again, into a split-second dip.

"I've always been fairly nimble." he commented in return, pulling her back to her feet with a sly grin.

"So that's how I recognized you."

His blood ran cold as she gave him an amused grin.

"What precisely are you doing here, Voleur?"

"I swear I can explain." he started, dropping the fake accent, but she shushed him with a finger pressed against his lip.

"I told you to be quiet and dance, didn't I? I'll arrest you on the way out. Before that, though, I am enjoying this. Don't ruin the moment." the tigress told him, resting her foot on his as they stopped for a moment, both looking up at the chandelier above.

List shut up immediately, surprised by how mellow the Inspector was acting. Still, he couldn't keep quiet for long. As the two of them stepped forwards again, bringing their gaze back down, he spoke.

"How did you know? I thought I was doing pretty well." he asked, genuine curiosity in his voice.

"It all fit together when you smiled. The same cocky smile you gave me every time we spoke… It's very easy to remember. It all made sense very quickly after that." she explained.

"And why haven't you stopped the dance yet?"

"Two reasons. First, you must have a reason to have approached me here. Second, you're the only person here I would agree to dance with, and isn't that a depressing thought. Every single person here is under investigation."

"Or an Interpol agent in disguise."

"Or that."

"Well, I'm quite flattered. It's rare to find a woman so dedicated to her job, yet who can put her professional opinion aside for a moment to enjoy a simple dance."

"Flattery won't save you from the painful end of my shock pistol, Voleur, and this is anything but a simple dance. Until the music ends, though, you're safe. When it ends… I've found everything I need to put everyone here in jail. End the night on a high note, no?"

"Was worth a shot. To be honest, I'm quite enjoying this distraction."

"Distraction. You're distracting our host?"

"And all the guards. If you haven't noticed, we're being watched… By everyone."

"Wonderful. I'll have to track down your friends as well."

"Might want to hold off until Abby disables the poison gas."

"The what?"

—

"Music's almost done, I don't have much time…" Abby growled, helping to get Rick loaded up. There was a lot of stuff here - valuable materials, rare components. It was all fairly lightweight, though.

"Did the plan change?" the bear asked, looking over at the jackal as he hefted a bag of loot.

"A little. I've decided to provide a small distraction to help List slip out." Abby grinned. "I'll catch up with you. Get going!"

"Got it! I'll pull the van around to pick you up!"

With that, the bear took off, moving with surprising speed despite his being loaded down with treasure. Grinning, Abby took off as well, headed for the upstairs area.

"Shame I wasn't able to put together a fuse for you. But you'll do nicely…" she grinned, stopping at the top of the stairs. She had a clear line of sight to the tank, now located on the balcony. The jackal pulled out her BB, loaded it with the proper ammo, flipped it to 'sniper' mode, and took aim…

"…For giving my friend cover on his way out."

As the music ended, she let a few seconds pass, then squeezed the trigger, sending an incendiary round hurtling towards the tank of volatile gas…

—

The dance continued as the music neared its end, having become quite thoroughly elaborate at this point.

"It's been fun, Voleur. Maybe I'll visit you in your cell." Alayna remarked, to a grin from List.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Inspector."

The music concluded with one final, elegant flourish - the follow spun into the lead's arms, lifted up ever so slightly as she moved just one step backwards, so that it looked for all the world like the tigress was sitting on the thief's lap. As the music concluded, both dancers took a moment to collect themselves, both surprised by just how intimate their ending stance had become, before List felt something pressing against his stomach.

"Uh-oh."

"Alright, boys. Everyone here is under arrest. If you'll look at the doorway, you'll find a large number of officers here to take you into custody." she announced, having finally pulled her shock pistol. The Interpol agents acted quickly, as their nocturnal host stared at his hand, seemingly struck dumb by whatever was going on over there. Handcuffs flashed as the stunned partygoers offered little resistance, but List just grinned.

"I'd say I was in trouble, but…" he grinned, just before a loud explosion sounded above, causing Alayna to recoil just a little. Acting quickly, he threw her into the air, then pulled something out of his pocket and threw it onto the ground in one swift motion.

As the agile tigress landed, she found herself standing in a cloud of smoke, cursing loudly as List snuck towards the door with the help of his Shadow Power.

Both were stopped by the shriek of the bat who had started the party.

"How?! HOW?! HOW ARE YOU ALL ALIVE?! YOU POLICE DOGS SHOULD BE DEAD! FINE! I'LL KILL YOU MYSELF!" the old bat shrieked, before whipping something onto himself. In mere moments he was wearing a full-body cloak and a mask straight out of the Black Death.

"DIE DIE DIE!"

This scream was accompanied by others as he began to fling around vials of an unidentifiable liquid, sending people screaming out of the room as these vials burst on impact. And when I say burst, I of course mean violently explode.

"Putain de merde. Officers, evacuate with the prisoners! I'll round this one up." the Inspector ordered, as List reappeared behind a column. She spun her pistol around in one hand, then pointed it at the old bat.

"'Plague Doctor', you are under arrest." she told him, before pulling the trigger.

—

A little short, but I think it was good. I wanted it not to be a _total_ ripoff of the dance in Sly 2, so… Y'know.

Anyways, I've gotta get to work on the fight scene! Might take a little while, but I'm looking forwards to it.

 _List's cover has been blown, as has the Plague Doctor's scheme. But with the bat throwing around explosives, will anyone get out alive? Tune in next time for Chapter 14: Twice Shocked!_

Review if you've a comment, fave if you'd like to, follow if you're up for it.

KeyFire, wishing I had a better title for next chapter. See you all then!


	14. Twice Shocked

Chapter 14: Twice Shocked

—

Sly Cooper belongs to Surprise Attack. Wait, that's not right… Is it?

Well, anyway. This is the boss battle… But List is without his cane, if you'll recall. I think this'll be interesting enough…

Without further ado, l-

Sucker Punch! Right!

Oh, sorry. Let's go!

—

"List, what's going on down there?"

"Uh… I'm watching the Inspector try to shoot down an old crazy guy who's flying around trying to explode her into tiny bits."

"Why aren't you leaving?"

"Because I'm trying to think of a way to help."

"Last time it almost cost you your cane. Oh, and your _life_."

"Well, I don't have my cane on me."

"So you don't have any collateral for your life this time. Just run! We've got the loot and you're free to go!"

"You said this guy only fears lightning, right? But that cloak is shock-proofed?"

"Well, yeah. But the Inspector is more than capable of finishing him off, toughness notwithstanding."

"I think I can help her along with that, though. This place has to have some kind of fire suppression, right?"

"Uh… Yeah. Fire alarms and sprinklers. I think there's some in the room you're in, but that system is hardwired outside of the security network."

"Perfect. I'll meet you guys at Point Gamma."

List broke cover and dashed for the route he had found earlier, a plan already in mind. Handily dodging an exploding flask that had gone wide, he grabbed hold of the curtain and began to climb, headed for the top.

"What the… Voleur!"

Hearing this, he instinctively swung to the side, thanking his lucky stars as two shock bolts went wide.

"I'm here to help, just keep the mad bomber off me!" he shouted back, before continuing up the now-swinging curtain.

Making a snap decision, Alayna had to consider most everything happening at once. It wasn't easy to make; shoot at the thief who had tricked her, or the bat who was trying to blow her to smithereens?

"Dammit." she growled, before taking another quick shot.

List let out a sigh of relief as he heard another boom sound off above him. He had been fairly worried about her choice - there was no way he'd be able to dodge shock blasts all the way up to the roof.

"Insolent children! You may have stopped me from my goal for now, but neither of you will leave this room alive!"

"I said you're under arrest, old man!"

He chuckled, continuing to climb as quickly as he could up the wall. Stray explosives continued to hit the floor below, as the Inspector continued to jump left and right, trying her best to stay alive while keeping the thief safe.

"Dammit, you'd better have a decent plan, Voleur." she mumbled, before grinning as one of her shock bolts nailed the bat in the wing, slowing him down as he tried to stay aloft.

"Rrgh! You'll pay for that, you little-!"

"Now, now. That kind of language isn't appropriate, and you really need to keep your heart rate down." List shouted, cutting the injured bat off with a shout from above. The thief swung himself up onto the balcony he had originally accessed the chandelier from, briefly scanned the roof, then grinned.

"Let's see just how you like a little thunderstorm…" he murmured, pulling a smoke bomb out of his pocket, and quickly hurling it at his target…

—

"Merde, this guy is tough." Alayna muttered to herself, watching as he absorbed another shock blast without complaint. "How is he not even getting hurt by my shots…?"

"Hah! Your puny attacks mean nothing to a master of alchemy!"

"Then how about her attacks plus a little rain?"

List dropped onto the bat from above, knocking the wind out of the old man but leaving him otherwise unharmed. The subsequent elbow to the wing was a different story, sending both thief and alchemist into a spiral. List managed to jump clear, landing painfully on the stone floor below. The bat was no luckier, finding himself crashing directly into the same floor.

Both gathered themselves up as the fire alarm sounded, Alayna still a little stunned by what had just happened.

"Rain?" she asked, looking questioningly at the half-coon as he merely grinned. She got her answer a moment later, as the sprinkler system activated.

"Smoke bomb in the smoke alarm. A little rain should wash away the chemicals that shock-proofed his cloak."

"Let's find out."

Leveling her pistol at the alchemist they were both there to take down, she pulled the trigger. A scream of pain shortly followed, as the blast coursed through the old bat's body.

"Huh. What do you know." she grinned, as the enraged criminal struggled to his feet.

"Fine! You may have made me vulnerable. But you won't win! I didn't want to waste these potions on you brats, but you leave me no choice!" the bat snarled, before pulling another vial out of his cloak. Before either cop or thief could do anything, he pulled out the plug and chugged down the entire vial, throwing it off to the side when he was finished.

Growling and clutching his head, the old criminal was unmoved by the shock blasts that hit him as a startling transformation took place. Muscles hidden by age burst back into existence, and multiplied further and further. List and Alayna looked on in shock as the old man grew bigger and bigger, until he was at least twice the size of Rick, glaring at them with bloodshot eyes and a murderous grin.

"I hate to waste this on you two, but you've left me no choice. I'll rip you both apart!" the enormous bat howled, before charging at them with surprising speed.

Master thief and expert officer dodged to either side, and the bat charged between them, crashing into the far wall. Several shock blasts were shrugged off by the enormous criminal, as he pulled himself out of the wall, ready to charge again.

"I have an idea!" List shouted, before dodging another berserker charge. Bouncing off the wall with practiced ease, he landed next to Alayna, whispered something in her ear, and gave her an expectant look.

Sighing, she nodded. His expression brightened, and he pulled a small capsule out of his pocket. "Follow my lead." the thief remarked, before springing in front of the chemically-enhanced old man currently tearing the room apart.

"Not impressed, Doc. I'd be more intimidated by a mosquito - at least that could give me a cold." he taunted the enormous criminal, to a roar of rage.

"I'll show you intimidation, you whelp!"

List merely grinned, waiting as the bat charged him. At the very last second, he sprung into the air, landing on the crazed alchemist's face, and swung himself onto his opponent's back. A massive crash sounded out as the huge old man hit the wall, and stumbled back, dazed by the impact

"Yeah, real scary."

With that, List launched himself off of the bat and towards the newly dented wall, a cloud of smoke bursting into the air around the Plague Doctor's head courtesy of a well-placed smoke bomb. Surprised, the old bat tripped over his own feet, landing hard on his back.

Still dazed, he realized he was staring down the barrel of the good Inspector's shock pistol just before he swallowed a painful blast of electricity. Coughing up smoke, the bat scrambled to his feet, Alayna still shooting for the head.

"Look out!"

Tackled by List, they both went sprawling across the floor - and good thing too. A moment later, and the strip of fabric that the Inspector lost from the bottom of her sodden dress would've been her legs, thanks to the mad alchemist's frantically flailing claws.

"A verbal thanks is all you are getting this time, Voleur." Alayna remarked, as the two of them pulled themselves back to their feet. He nodded, then turned to regard the screeching alchemist.

"That won't work again, brats!" the criminal shouted, still in pain from the electric bolt he had inadvertently swallowed.

"I'd like to test that theory." was all he heard before his head was again engulfed in smoke. But now he was paying attention, and was able to track his attacker by hearing. List found himself hurtling through the air, courtesy of a well-placed smack, and hit the ground hard again, skidding a ways.

"Really, Voleur? The same trick isn't going to work twice." Alayna sighed, before walking up to the much larger criminal. Laughter filled the room as the bat watched her approach.

"Finally accepted that you're going to die here, then?"

"No. You're still under arrest, for too many crimes to count. Let's say attempted murder, times about thirty, and go from there."

"Hah! You can't bring me in with that silly little toy you call a weapon!"

"I don't intend to. You've ruined a perfectly good dress, you know."

"What, do you intend to send me the bill?"

"No. But you made it shorter. Which means I can do _this_."

List cringed at what happened next, but he had to admire the Inspector's brutal efficiency at ending the fight. As she withdrew her leg and pulled out a radio, the enormous bat crumpled, falling to the side. He had lost consciousness to the pain, as was evidenced by his shallow breathing, lack of motion, and how his eyes had rolled up into his head.

"This is Inspector Alayna Marais. I've subdued the Plague Doctor, despite his having somehow turned himself into a behemoth. Send agents to take him into custody; I have another criminal to chase at the moment."

List went wide-eyed, freezing in fear as the tigress spoke.

"Understood. You can't miss him, he's the giant bat in the ballroom. Over and out."

Putting away the radio, the Inspector pulled out her shock pistol once more, grinning as she heard the soft tapping of the thief breaking into an all-out sprint.

"GET BACK HERE, VOLEUR!" she shouted, spinning around and beginning pursuit as List ran for his life.

—

Short, yes. It was as long as it needed to be, you see. And yes, the finishing blow was _exactly_ what you think it was - the bane of men everywhere.

I promise, the next bad guy will be more involved in the first three phases. Should help to flesh those chapters out a bit.

 _With the Plague Doctor quite thoroughly defeated, the chase is on! Will List be able to give the good Inspector the slip, or will he end the night in handcuffs? Find out in Chapter 15: Mixed Signals._

KeyFire, still struggling with titles. It'll make sense next chapter, I promise. See you all then!


	15. Mixed Signals

Chapter 15: Mixed Signals

—

Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch.

Okay, this mission is coming to a close. Quick warning; this chapter will be a little running away, a lot of exposition, mostly in that order. Lots of words, not much action.

With that warning out of the way, let's get going.

—

"You can't run forever, Voleur. The moment I have you in my sights…"

This threat echoed uselessly through the forest, as the Inspector cursed her luck. Not five minutes into the chase, she had lost sight of her target.

Still, she slowly crept through the trees, scanning her surroundings for any sign of her quarry. A rustle in the bushes caused her to spin on the spot, though she sighed when she realized it was only one of the native lizards.

"I'd show myself if it didn't mean getting shot in the process."

Whipping around again, the Inspector found herself looking at a patch of blue amid all the darkness. Growling, she snatched the Cooper calling card from where it had been pinned to the tree, noticing some writing on it.

 _Lost? I'll guide you out of the forest, if you'd like. Follow the cards… Or try to find your own way back. It's your choice! -List_

Still growling, she looked around. While she hated to accept help again from the thief, Alayna was suddenly very aware of just how lost she was… Not to mention that the calling cards might lead her to the person leaving them behind.

Coming to a decision, she looked around, searching the area for another one of the cards. It didn't take her long to spot another blue card on another tree trunk. Walking over, she realized there was writing on this one too.

 _Good choice! Navigational skills are pretty integral to my line of work, after all. Next card is to your right._

Following the instructions to the next card, she noticed further writing. "Do you carry a pencil with you…?" she wondered in exasperation, before reading it as well.

 _So, hey, we never get to share. Ask a question, why don't you? I'll answer it on the next card. And yes. Yes I do carry a pencil._

"…Il est égocentrique. Alright, Voleur, I'll humor you. Why go after the Steele Ring? You've been at both of my last assignments, and have stuck it out until the Steele member is defeated. Why?"

Alayna wasn't fast enough to pull the trigger on the flash of motion that just barely registered in the corner of her eye, but she approached the card it left behind, genuinely curious for the answer.

 _Easy. You remember our first meeting at the museum, of course. Turns out we stepped on some toes with that, so… Well, I couldn't pass up the challenge. A true Master Thief only steals from criminals, after all, and that job gave me the perfect excuse to really test my mettle. It was just a happy accident that we met there. Speaking of which; you seem to have taken to calling me 'Voleur'. Why's that?_

"Criminal to the core. I'll give you this, you have good handwriting considering how quickly you managed to write this out… The word 'Voleur' seems to suit you perfectly. My turn. How do you keep ending up after the same criminals as me, and at the same time?"

Two shock bolts whizzed through the air, but List was too quick - he was out of her sight in an instant. Displeased with her own quickdraw skills, the Inspector walked over to the card.

 _Call it coincidence, call it fate. I call it similar intel. Abby tells me that the Steele Ring members don't show their faces very often, so I guess my team picked up on the same opportunities as you did. My turn. You saw right through me during our dance… Why didn't you just shoot me then and there?_

"Hmph. Well, two reasons for that. Firstly, and more importantly, you'd never risk trying that if you didn't have a very, _very_ , good reason to do so. Secondly… Stopping a tango mid-step is a faux pas in every sense. You may not have any respect for culture, but I do. My turn. You kept saying that that cane of yours is a precious heirloom. If that is the case, why use it as a weapon?"

She didn't even see the movement this time - List was being more careful. Still, she approached the next card, now wondering why he was doing all this.

 _You're breaking my heart here. I have plenty of respect for culture! The cane, in any case. Yes, it's a precious heirloom. In fact, even though my family's been a line of Master Thieves since the days of the pharaohs of Egypt, most of my ancestors kept the original cane somewhere safe and used a weapon of their own design. But the cane is unique, and using it just feels right to me. And I do mean unique. There is literally no way to precisely duplicate it. My turn. I've never seen someone use a shock pistol as a blunt weapon. Where'd you pick up those moves?_

"I suppose it makes a twisted kind of sense that such a precious tool would belong to a clan of thieves. As for my shock pistol… I've always wanted to be an officer of the law, and I've never entirely enjoyed just shooting people. Not enough feedback, and besides, nobody expects to be beaten upside the head with a gun. It's just more… Satisfying. I've been working at it on my own, to be honest. My turn. You've proven yourself a competent fighter as well. Where exactly did you learn to do such things as catch live grenades with your cane?"

One more card came out of seemingly nowhere, as Alayna reached the edge of the forest. Picking up the card, she sighed. No more questions, and the trail had just ended. Disappointed by her failure to apprehend the thief, she examined the card.

 _Impressive. As for my own skills, I'll admit I've been working off of a cheat sheet. One that my family's been working on for the past several thousand years, in fact. It's called the Thievius Raccoonus, and it has hand-written notes on everything my ancestors got up to, plus the tricks of the trade they developed over time. There's a lot more to it, but I haven't mastered it yet. It's the other important heirloom of my family, if you don't count the vault. My turn. Want to know where my gang is headed next?_

Confused, she reread the card, then looked around. "Why would you tell me where you're going? You know I'd just set a trap."

"Maybe I want to make sure the next member of the Steele Ring gets carted off just as handily as the last, maybe thievery's no fun without a good cop around trying to stop me. Maybe both, or maybe it's something else?"

List's voice seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere, meaning the Inspector was unable to track him by it. She sighed. "Fine. Yes, I want to know."

"Excellent. Abby tells me that the next opportunity will be in Macau, China, in about a month's time. The place has its own immigration laws, currency, everything - it's practically its own country. And Miss Fortune, another member of the Steele Ring, practically runs the place."

"…And you're sure of this?"

"Positive. Abby's never steered us wrong before. Macau is the biggest and best gambling town on the planet, so be ready to blend in with that crowd if you decide it's worth the risk."

"Fine. I'll do my own research, and if you're lying…"

"Would I lie to you? Assuming telling the truth didn't mean immediate capture by either you or a lot of bad guys who want me very, very dead, like back in the party?"

"Probably."

"I'm hurt. You'll see, I've been nothing but honest with you… Barring the disguise bit back at the party, of course. See you in Macau."

The sounds of an engine alerted Alayna to the location of the Cooper Van, but it was too far away for her to do anything about it, and quickly grew softer as the seconds passed. She cursed her luck, and prepared to head back to her car.

Then that engine roared close, and the van burst through the tree line, List holding on to the back with his cane hooked to the side as he waved to the Inspector with a huge grin on his face. "Good luck!" he yelled, before the van disappeared into the forest.

The shocked officer took a moment to recollect herself, before growling. "Fou téméraire. You won't be leave Macau a free man, Voleur." she muttered, before walking off towards her car.

—

Well, that was a short chapter. Fair warning; life has finally caught up with me. It's making demands, people. I won't be able to put out long chapters easily, unless I come up with a really good idea, and updates are going to slow. But I'll be bringing you this story as best I can.

For those of you who are curious; until 2049, Macau really does have its own immigration laws and currency and such, and really is a huge destination for gamblers. It was a Portuguese colony until 1999, you see, and became part of China on the condition that it retained autonomy for fifty years.

No after-the-fact talking up the next chapter here. Nope. But do tune in next time. Please? Review if you've something to say, fave if you liked it, follow if you want to see what's gonna happen next.

KeyFire, and I've gotta get typing! See you later!


	16. Checking the Facts

Chapter 16: Checking the Facts

—

Another day, another interim chapter. You guys know the format for this chapter. Don't fix what isn't broken, right?

Uh, Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch.

And with that out of the way, let's get to the story.

—

"Personal Log Number Five. I haven't yet had a chance to confirm the intel Cooper gave me, but I should record my thoughts while I can.

Mon Dieu, so much has happened. I certainly was not expecting le Voleur to be at that party, nor was I expecting the host to turn into a drug-enraged giant. Par bonheur (fortunately), all men have the same weakness. He's reverted to normal, or so I'm told, and is being held in the Interpol Maximum Security Penitentiary.

On a related note, it seems word has spread of how I subdued him. The other officers have been giving me a wide berth since I returned to Paris… Quelle bande de mauviettes (What a bunch of wimps). At least it means that I can get my work done in peace.

Le Voleur, however, has a way of sticking in the mind. Happy news there; there are now several active warrants for his arrest. As it turns out, he was directly responsible for a string of smaller thefts before the museum heist. Added on to the museum warrant and the one from Russia, I can now detain him without any further justification. That will make capturing him in Macau much easier.

I am confused, though… If his intel is accurate, he will be in Macau in approximately four weeks, ready to bring down the gambling empire of the richest member of the Steele Ring. So why would he share that information with me? The answers he gave me back in the forest… I don't trust them.

…I suppose the first step would be to check his story. I've got too much to think about, and I have not had the time to think it through. End of log."

—

"Personal Log Number Six. I almost can't believe it… Le Voleur's story checks out to the smallest detail. Rumors of a grand opening of Miss Fortune's biggest casino yet in Macau… They've been confirmed. She will be attending the opening day ceremony personally, and that will be the only opportunity to strike at her… And the vault supposedly under her new facility.

Begging the question; why? Why would he give me this information? It just doesn't make any sense at all. I just know there's some trick up that damn thief's sleeve… But I can't see what he's planning, and it's making me angry.

I've had some time to sort out my thoughts as well. Most of what le Voleur told me in the forest… Is probably accurate. Enfoiré, je ne veux pas le croire ([expletive removed], I don't want to believe this). I have no reason to doubt the accuracy of his answers, and that's just making me even more confused… Which is only making me even more angry.

Regardless, I should record my thoughts in full. I'm sure I'll be able to look back later and laugh at my own bêtise (foolishness)… The tango I shared with le Voleur was. It was… Zut, je dois me ressaisir (Hang it all, I've got to pull myself together)… Enjoyable. I shudder to think what was going through my mind before I realized it was Cooper in disguise. Merde, how could I have been so blind? A little fur dye and a different outfit shouldn't have fooled me for an instant!

Still, he was a skilled dancer… I'll admit that much. Looking back, I'd have been disappointed if he weren't. He's proven himself skilled, if infuriatingly coy, and has to step lightly in order to go unnoticed. Not only that, he's evaded my capture twice now… Even if the first time was because I let him go. I'd be honestly disappointed if he wasn't agile enough to dance.

Merde, que dis-je (Hell, what am I saying)?! He's a criminal. No matter the circumstance, I shouldn't be paying him a compliment… Especially considering the size of his ego. If there is one thing I have learned about le Voleur, it is to never compliment him to his face.

I should get back to work. Plenty of preparation to deal with. End of log."

—

"Log Number Seven. Bad news, then good news this time.

The bad news is, there have been… Rumors. Apparently, some imbeciles have been spreading lies about the relationship between me and le Voleur, and now half the department thinks I'm head over heels for that stupide Voleur égoïste sale (stupid egoistic dirty thief). This has caused… Taunting. I should've shot him the instant I realized who he actually was.

The good news is, the half that does not believe these rumors includes all of my superior officers. They know I have a completely spotless record, and I suppose if I had to choose, they would be the ones I wanted on my side the most.

What really infuriates me is that he knows. Ce Voleur fichue béat sait (That damn smug thief knows). How do I know this? Because he broke into my vault - _again_ \- and left me another note. I won't do him the courtesy of reading it aloud, but he very much knows about that damn rumor.

I may have to reassert myself to the other officers through force of arms. In happier news, preparations for my arrival in Macau are going smoothly. It's a tourist city, so my accent… And ignorance of the language… Should not be a problem. The real question is whether or not I can convincingly imitate a gambler long enough to really infiltrate their operation.

What I've learned thus far is as follows. Miss Fortune, birth name Victoria Buenaventura, has received her position in the Steele Ring the same way she received everything else in life; stunning cruelty, ravishing good looks, and a dash of unbelievably good luck. She runs every casino in the world in one way or another, whether selling them 'licenses' to operate or outright owning them.

Physically, she's not altogether too imposing at first glance, if these pictures are any indication. She's a white-furred rabbit, and a bit of a small one at that. Strikingly beautiful, though. Reminds me of fine china, actually… Je ne devrais pas tourner poétique (I shouldn't turn poetic). Bright blue eyes, glare cold as ice. Reports say she favors a black business suit.

Reports also say that the bunny has claws. Literally and figuratively. She's evidently much stronger and more resilient than she looks, and has a reputation for snapping bones like twigs with lightning-fast kicks. When I arrest her, I'll have to render her unconscious beforehand, then restrain all four limbs. No chances can be taken.

She also has a reputation for being rather incredibly lucky; hence, her taken name. No matter the situation, it turns out in her favor. But luck has to run out, and karma must take its course. I don't care how lucky she is touted to be; in two weeks time, her luck runs out.

That's all for this week. End of log."

—

"Log Eight. This has not been a good week. The rumors have only intensified, and I don't know who to punch to get rid of them.

My superiors have become even more convinced of the falseness of the rumors, but as far as my collègues crétin (dumb coworkers) are concerned, the steps I've taken to defuse the situation are only more proof of the 'truth'. My job remains secure, but becomes more intolerable by the day.

The only good news all week? Le Voleur has not shown his stupid face, so my preparations for Macau have gone uninterrupted… Despite the rumors. He hasn't even broken into my safe. Perhaps he simply has nothing to say on the situation now. I'd pay good money to see him speechless, now that I'm thinking about it.

I've learned a little more about Macau while preparing. While we do not have good intel on the casino, defenses there are extremely tight. My cover is solid, but I have to do this alone - bringing in another officer would almost certainly break my cover. When I need backup, I'm going to have to be ready to press charges against Miss Fortune.

Interpol presence in Macau is practically nil, and local police presence is as unreliable as they come. The casinos operate massively unregulated; there are a few huge winners, but most people who walk into that city walk out penniless. Un imbécile et son argent sont bientôt séparés (A fool and his money are soon parted).

And to make matters even worse, I just found out that expenses has not approved much of a budget for my assignment. I have to be frugal without looking like it… If I run out of money, the mission is as good as over.

Ugh. I have to work out my aggression on something. My accuracy and quickdraw have improved tremendously over the past few weeks… I've been spending a lot of time at the range. I should go there now. End of log."

—

"Log Nine. Qu'est-ce que l'enfer (What the hell)?!

First things first. I'm packed and ready for the trip to Macau. Good thing too - it's tomorrow. I have a plan, I have a cover story, I have my equipment, and I have authorization.

Secondly. _Qu'est-ce que l_ _'_ _enfer_?! I wake up this morning thinking it's another day of being taunted and wishing that tomorrow would just come already, then I get to work and the rumors have died overnight?!

Not only that, but most of the people responsible for the spread of that rumor are out on medical leave. I have no idea what's happened! Oh. Oh, wait. Ne me dites pas (Don't tell me)…

That explains it. I just opened my safe. There's an audio log pinned to one of _his_ calling cards… And… A rose. Of _course_ there's a rose.

Let's see…"

Click.

" _Sorry to have caused you so much trouble at work - I really thought that rumor would've blown over by now, given your stalwart dedication to your job. I taught a couple of these idiots a lesson I dearly hope was wrong, and they're probably out on medical leave at the moment. Their newfound knowledge and relevant silence, I hope, is enough of an apology that you won't kill me next we meet… The rose is just a little present. See you in Macau, my dear Inspector!_ "

Click.

"…Je ne peux pas le croire (I don't believe it). Just a moment. I need to check le Voleur's file."

* _shuffling noises in background, accompanied by hushed cursing in French_ *

"Alright. According to this report, he… Struck up a conversation with six officers. He revealed his identity immediately, along with his knowledge of the rumors, and proceeded to berate all six officers for believing that I would ever be in that sort of relationship with him. Reason given was… Irreconcilable professional differences… He then led the officers to an abandoned lot and proceeded to beat them into a collective pulp. Six assault charges are being filed against him for that.

Ce Voleur stupide (That stupid thief). Il a battu six officiers d'Interpol pour moi (He beat down six Interpol officers for my sake)? Je ... Je ne sais pas quoi penser (I… I don't know what to think).

Merde tout à l'enfer (Damn it all to hell). Je pourrais avoir à le remercier (I may have to thank him).

I… I should stop thinking about this. I'm flying to Macau tomorrow, and I can't afford to be distracted. End of log."

—

Wow, didn't think it'd take this long to get this one done… Sorry about the wait, everyone. Life caught up with me.

On a more positive note, I'd like to give a shoutout to my first reviewer; Guy! They're a really good guy, you know?

No blurb for next chapter here, no sir. But I'll tell you what it's called. Tune in next time for Chapter 17: Card Counting.

Until then… Which hopefully won't be too long… I'm KeyFire, and I'm also out of here!


	17. Counting Cards

Chapter 17: Counting Cards

—

Here we are. Bright lights, lots of neon, and those impressively odd building shapes that you only see in the Far East. The seductive allure of wealth hiding the crushing reality of poverty… It's Macau, biggest gambling city in the entire freakin' world!

Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch. Macau, however, belongs to Macau.

Let's take a spin on the slots, shall we? Begin!

—

As a pair of enormous armed thugs - pandas, both - walked past, a flash of white showed. Out from the alley stole the thief, his Cheshire grin never once wavering as he carefully relieved them of their wallets, before disappearing into the alley once again.

"List, I've found our first job here. Where are you?" Abby asked, only audible to the hybrid by virtue of sounding from the comm in his ear. He tapped it to reply.

"Being proactive. I've got a good amount of seed money now." he told the jackal, walking back towards the safe house in the comforting darkness of the back alleys. The city was too bright for his liking, but there were dark routes around the lights - routes he was already committing to memory.

"You've been robbing the guards, then. I told you… You know what, never mind. I've got your location now. I need you to go north. There's an old abandoned warehouse along the docks - you can't possibly miss it, it's the only thing for miles that isn't lit up like a Christmas tree."

"I assume it's something more than it seems?" List asked, already working his way in the direction indicated. It was a real maze in the back streets, but it wasn't nearly enough to stop him.

"Yup. It's actually a cleverly disguised data hub. I've modified your Binocucom recently, so what you need to do is get to the basement."

"What, am I giving you remote access?"

"Nope. What I want you to do is find their router. Just plug the end of the blue wire into the Binocucom, and it'll… Well, you wouldn't understand the full technical explanation."

"…"

"Just telling it like it is. It'll take a few moments but essentially, I'll reroute the connection so that it all ends up in my computer. That should give me complete access to their security data, which will allow me to get you inside the building to take some recon shots."

"Fair enough. Wow, this really is abandoned. Not a soul in sight. I'll call you back."

The call dropped as List entered the building, whistling at the state of it all. It was in utter disarray, crates scattered and smashed throughout and cobwebs covering practically everything. A little searching yielded the stairs to the lower level, and he chuckled as he descended - old and dusty very swiftly gave way to shiny and clean in the basement.

"They're not even making a decent effort, here." he murmured, peeking around the corner to find that the basement was abandoned as well. "Could at least post a guard or two."

Creeping further into the facility, he realized it was really and truly empty, and relaxed. Strolling through the rooms, he noticed his quarry sitting on a tree stump. Unplugging the blue wire from the router, he quickly hooked it up to a port on his Binocucom, and waited for a moment.

A buzz from his earpiece alerted him to an incoming call. He tapped it to answer, a grin on his face.

"I've got the data! Nice work, List. It usually takes you at least a couple of minutes to disable the guards."

"There weren't any. These guys are cocky, Abby - no guards, no techs, not even a camera. Makes me wonder just how much they rely on luck around here…"

"…That's just bad practice. Anyways, I'm looking at the security… Data… Now…?"

"Something wrong?"

"This can't be right. Who would…? I just…"

"Abby, speak clearly."

"Patrols throughout the city are fairly standard. Should be easy to avoid for any of us… But security inside is pitiful! They have an enormous number of guards just watching the game rooms, and very few scattered throughout the rest of the building… Relatively speaking, I mean. The building's well covered, but the guards are ridiculously concentrated, and outside of the game rooms, have very little backup."

"…Really?"

"These people… They rely way too heavily on their own luck. But what's bad for them is good for us. I've found a good route for you to take. There's two places I need shots from."

"I'm on it. Halfway to the building already."

List sprinted through the dark alleyways, still headed for the casino shining brightest of all the neon and glitter in the city. It didn't take him long to reach the building, skidding to a halt in the safety of the shadows as he watched a crowd of people - all of them dressed to impress - flow in and out of the establishment… Mostly into it, though.

"Feeding you the route now. I know you love climbing…"

List looked around, then grinned as he saw the holographic marker pop up. "A thief should never try the front door first." he remarked, surveying the building for a way to reach the vent Abby had marked… on the fifteenth floor.

—

"Okay, I'm in the ducts."

As the half-coon thief crawled through the ventilation, he found himself vaguely admiring the room far below - the glitz and glamour of the game rooms were apparent even through the slots in the air ducts.

Pulling himself out of the vent and onto a balcony overlooking it all, he took a moment to admire the horrible operation properly. "A thousand suckers are born every second here." he murmured in reluctant respect. "But they don't deserve to lose their money. And I have a very clear policy when dealing with criminals…"

"Okay, enough with the noir lines. I need photos." Abby remarked, the roll of her eyes practically audible through the comlink. List grinned, and pulled out his Binocucom.

"There's not a lot of interest that I don't already know now that I have the security data. I just need photos of the exchange booth, the checkpoint inside the door, and maybe a few of the games."

The photos uploaded as she spoke, and the jackal grinned. However, she found herself staring at a fourth picture.

"That's unexpected. Does that balcony lead straight into Miss Fortune's residence?"

"Looks like. Guess she likes to laugh at all the people feeding money into her casino."

"Well, it's a perfect way to snap some recon photos of the big baddie herself. Go ahead and sneak on in, but be careful. Luck isn't something I put much stock in, but there's no denying that her career has been aided by a long, long string of fortunate coincidences."

"The Cooper Clan doesn't believe in luck. We believe in karma."

"Karma? You mean 'what goes around comes around'?"

"Something like that. It's why the Cooper Clan only ever steals from other thieves. It's a belief that's been handed down through the generations; we operate in the shadows to ensure the comeuppance of criminals much worse than us. I guess you could call us 'the necessary evil', but that's not quite right."

"You're getting talkative about this."

"It's a dear belief. Anyways. We're not quite the 'necessary evil', because we don't really fit the second word."

"Well, yeah. What we do is illegal, but it isn't immoral."

"I like to think of our actions as karmic enforcement. Also thievery."

"Okay then… Are you inside?"

"Yep. Uploading a few more pictures now."

Abby combed through the uploaded images, analyzing what information she could as thoroughly as possible. When one image in particular uploaded, she stopped for a moment.

The jackal whistled, impressed. "By her reputation, Miss Fortune is a cruel *$%# of a woman. But it isn't easy to make a business suit look good with such a small frame. Kudos to her for that."

"Eh, she's not my type."

"This coming from the guy who spends half his time admiring the way the light reflects off of his cane?"

"I'm not saying I don't like pretty things. I'm saying I think pretty things that don't look like they'll crack in half if you breathe too loudly aren't as nice as pretty things that can very clearly crack _you_ in half."

"Well, she _can_ do that. Word is she can break people like cereal-box toys with a good hard kick."

"Also I don't like evil people."

"…Okay, that's fair. Anyways. It looks like the whole place is pretty high-end, but I don't see anything that could reasonably function as a heavy-duty safe. Do you see something I don't in there?"

"…Hang on… She's talking to someone on the phone…"

Abby waited, wondering what had List so interested. She didn't have to wait long.

"Okay, two things. First, you know that really big double door in the main game room? The one that leads into the restricted area?"

"Yes. What about it?"

"Well, you go into it, and you're pretty much staring at the vault. Makes it easy to guard, since they have a twenty-second maximum for response time."

"…THAT'S WHY ALL THE GUARDS ARE IN THE GAME ROOMS!"

"Yup. Also, the Inspector is here."

"Wait, what?"

"Yep. Miss Fortune knew about her the second she stepped into the casino. Fortunately, she's in no danger - her assignment is apparently strictly recon, and despite being undercover, everything she's doing is completely legal. Attacking her will only give Interpol a reason to retaliate."

"Clever. Well, we know where the vault is. I have an idea for what we need to do next. Come back to the safe house, I'll explain."

"Already on my way. I'm gonna enjoy taking this place down…"

—

Well… That happened.

Anyways.

 _With the slots spinning all night, the Cooper Gang's aiming for the jackpot. Getting out undetected won't be an option, so the question remains; can they stack the deck, or will they get decked? Find out just how well these thieves bluff next time, in Chapter 18: Poker Face!_

KeyFire, surprised at just how quickly this went out. See you next time.


	18. Poker Face

Chapter 18: Poker Face

—

Okay, let's get to going. Sly Cooper belongs to OWMYFACE!

Sorry about that… Ow… I just got Sucker Punched…

Anyways, let's get this going. I think I need to go to the doctor…

—

"Say, where's Rick?"

Abby wasn't even surprised by the voice out of nowhere; she was perfectly aware of just how good List was at remaining undetected, and merely chuckled. "Fast asleep. Poor guy, he was so excited… Must've been riding an adrenaline high since we crossed the border. He collapsed into one of the beds not two minutes after you stepped out."

"Wow. He was so excited to see Macau after dark, too. We gonna be alright without the muscle on this job?"

"For now. Let him get his sleep - we'll need him for the heist. In the meantime, I have our prep missions ready to go."

"Let's hear it, then."

"First up. We're going to need to figure out a way to divert all attention from the main game room while the heist is on. I think I have a way to do that, but it's gonna need some work. That's your assignment for now."

"Just point me in the right direction."

"Not yet. I need to take care of something too, and we need to work this place carefully. If we don't do this in sync… Well, I don't like our odds too much. And against someone who's renowned for being lucky, I say we want to stack the deck as much as we can."

"Whatever makes you feel better. Just tell me the plan."

"You asked for it. We need to change their event schedule."

"…What?"

"It's simple, really. Miss Fortune is well-known for ad-libbing events like the one we need. What we need to do is give her a reason to appear in person… But to do so _later_. I've figured out a way to do so, but it's risky. You're going to have to wear another disguise."

"…I am both excited and horrified."

"You should be. Look, Miss Fortune is no fool, but she's apparently extremely vain. Here."

List caught the small object thrown to him, and examined it. It was tiny, but he knew what it was almost instinctually.

"Lemme guess. You want me to put this fake token into one of the slot machines." he grinned, flipping the shiny coin as he spoke and snatching it out of midair.

"Got it in one. I call it a Jackpot Coin. Drop it into the slot, and it'll… Well, the technical explanation is long and convoluted. Suffice it to say that the machine is sure to come up triple-seven."

"It's identical to the tokens they use there… They won't catch me even if they see it. Nice touch."

"Just stay clear of the Inspector. She can't afford to blow her cover, but if she sees you, the risk of our mission goes way, way up."

"And what do I do when the jackpot is hit?"

"Simple. The slots are rigged so that the chances of a jackpot are nearly one-in-a-million. Get that jackpot, and Miss Fortune herself will come down to congratulate you. All you need to do is sweet-talk her into a little celebration later this evening."

"…You know, that could be taken a very different way than you probably mean."

"Ugh, you know what I meant. Convince her to throw a party in the game rooms at some point, I don't care how. Just distract them for long enough that I can get into the interior server room."

"I see what you're getting at here. We prep for the heist while you take over their security systems!"

"The Inspector will know we're here when you get congratulated by the head honcho. Keep clear of her - no telling what she'll do. Anyways, after you've gotten clear of the casino, I need you to climb to the roof and attach a groundwire."

"Groundwire?"

"When we're on the heist, you're going to need a quick way up. The groundwire is this."

Abby handed the half-coon a small tube, a hook attached to the end. As he examined it, she continued to explain.

"I fitted it with a remote trigger. Just mount it on the roof. When the time comes, I'll give you a wire straight to the roof - you'll need it."

"Got the whole operation planned, I see. Then let's get to work. Where's my suit…?"

—

A curt nod to the bouncer as he walked through the opulently decorated doors. Just enough to give acknowledgement, without seeming to care that the huge guard was there; the same attitude all of the patrons shared towards the guards.

Making his way through the crowd, he scanned his surrounds surreptitiously so as to suppress suspicion. The thief sighed silently in solace, seeing no sign of the Inspector as he made his way to the slots.

Taking a seat, he knew far better than to put the Jackpot in first. Instead,he slid in a normal token - one he had 'acquired' from a careless patron of the casino. The slots came up junk - not unexpected, considering that they were rigged. Suppressing a smile, he faked disappointment before dropping in the Jackpot.

Watching the slots, he grinned widely. Seven. Seven…

Seven.

The jingle went off. Jingle, of course, meaning 'every alarm built into the machine'. It was a confused, but triumphant little melody, played far louder than could be really considered reasonable, trumpeted from several speakers on the slot machine. Tokens began to spill into the tray as the people around him stared in shock.

As he batted a hand away from his prize, List noticed a pair of guards approaching. Grinning, he indicated the mess of tokens. "Guess I got lucky, huh?"

"Indeed, sir. The owner would like to personally congratulate you on your good fortune."

"That''s nice and all, but would you mind giving me a hand with this? I don't think I can carry all of these myself."

"No need. I will gather the tokens and return them. The owner would like to present you with your winnings in a more… Compact form."

"How considerate."

Getting up from the stool in front of the slot, List followed one of the guards away, as the second began to pick up the tokens. He noted in amusement that the guard was having a hard time keeping all of the surrounding patrons from snatching the tokens.

It wasn't a long walk, though that might've been because the guard knew the quickest path to their destination. Stepping through a small but lavishly decorated door, he found himself in a tiny but opulently arranged room, and looking at a slight but richly dressed woman.

—

"I'm tracking you in the side room now. And yes, this is enough distraction. I just needed the guards to be paying less attention."

No rain or wind. Clear skies, dark enough to hide her… And she had brought the fire escape up after her. No trace, no mess.

Abby grinned, lining up her shot. It was a tough one, to be sure, but one she knew she could make. Her BB gun let out a muffled bang as she squeezed the trigger, sending a very special round flying through the open window.

Breathing a sigh of relief, she ran, headed back towards the safehouse. Inside, her special round - one she had named the Hacker Bullet - found its way perfectly into the USB port of the exchange terminal, clicking into place with the help of a little bit of magnetism.

"Okay, I have my part in place. I'll have it cracked when you get back - and don't forget the grounding!" she reported, before switching off the call.

—

Only half-listening to the jackal, List offered a charming smile to the woman standing in front of him. She half-smiled in return, before getting up from the dainty armchair she had been sitting in.

"So, you are the lucky one? I congratulate you. Not many have your kind of luck." she remarked, looking curious. List simply smiled again. "Luck? Luck is finding that the owner happens to be such a lovely young woman."

"And a sweet talker, too. I suppose I haven't quite made it public enough that I own this place…" the rabbit mused, looking thoughtful. "Then why not make it public? Take an hour or two to yourself, then make a public appearance. Perhaps somewhere close to the entrance?" the thief suggested, taking his chance while he saw it. "After all, it'd be a shame for the grand opening to not feature the grandest part of the casino."

"…You know something? You're right. Walk with me." she nodded, beginning to walk towards the door. A split second of hesitation, then the half-coon followed, feeling a bit apprehensive; this wasn't really part of the plan.

"You're a sharp one. More clever than the average man, though that's not saying much. Assume for just a moment that I've been unable to find intelligent conversation here for weeks now."

"Then you're looking for someone to talk to, someone capable of listening and offering a fresh perspective. Someone who can challenge your ideas before you become too complacent."

"Precisely. Assume again not everything I've been up to is… Completely legal."

"Then you're taking an enormous risk, but one that may pay off immensely. Two of them, in fact. One in doing these… Questionable things. The other in tipping your hand, hoping for an intelligent ally."

"I've been a lucky, lucky woman from birth. The risks I take often pay off."

"No risk, no reward. Unfortunately, I'm happy with my occupation at the moment. I respect the trust you placed in me, but I shouldn't dig myself too deep."

"It's your choice. My door is open. Here - my card and yours."

List accepted both cards, inspecting both the business card and the huge jackpot check before pocketing them.

"My apologies. I don't carry cards myself - never had a reason to." he told her. "I suppose this is goodbye. I'll think it over."

"Do that. As I said…"

"Your door is open. Right now though, the only one I'm sure of is over there."

The ringtail took his leave with a parting nod, headed for the front door. Safely out of sight of the guards and patrons at last, he retrieved his cane from the alley he'd hidden it in and headed for the top.

—

"Groundwire's in place, and we've got a whole lot of money already, so I guess it's time for phase three." reported the thief, walking in with a grin.

"Good. Rick's still out, but I've got the exchange computer cracked open… Let's get to work."

—

Bit of a short chapter, but eh.

Also, eh.

And did I mention… eh.

Well, whatever. Kinda wanting to rush to the end of this mission, but eh. Pacing is key.

Also, please don't expect a new one in the next two days. Family matters, you know? Sorry, everyone.

 _With a strange little link on the inside, the Cooper Gang is now ready to really start cracking down on their next objectives. What has become of the Inspector, however? And when the heck is Rick going to wake up? Find out next time in Chapter 19: Card Sharks!_

KeyFire, wishing that I didn't have to deal with family matters. See you next time!


	19. Card Sharks

Chapter 19: Card Sharks

—

Here we go again. Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch.

There will be less blowing stuff up than usual action chapters, but stuff will blow up. I guarantee it.

Now, onwards!

—

"So what stuff should we blow up for this heist to work out?" List asked, grinning.

"Not much. There's still heavy guard presence even during the event that Miss Fortune's added to her calendar, though, so we need to… reduce her headcount. That's going to be a job for both of us, with a little bit of side work."

"Point me in the right direction."

"First things first. We need to goad the good Inspector into action, and get her somewhere she can do our work for us without being found out. To that end, I've found a hole in their security that should allow me to shut down all recordings of their patrol routes without raising suspicion."

"…Wait, so…?"

"You goad the Inspector into following you outside. Don't worry, I've got a hack cooked up that'll keep the two of you off the cameras. Meanwhile, I'll mess with the guards on patrol - get them all headed for the town center."

"Let me guess. You want me to lose her there, giving the lovely Inspector cause to take out her frustration on the guards you send her way."

"Got it in one."

"Then I'll get to work. Let me know when you're ready to go."

—

"Hack's up and running. You have fifteen minutes to get the Inspector outside before their system auto-purges. I'll send the first guards towards the target once you're both outside."

"Understood."

List made his way seamlessly through the crowd, scanning the area for his quarry. He knew that it would be difficult to convince the Inspector to follow him outside without breaking cover, but he had an idea.

Catching a glimpse the cinnamon fur he now knew so well, he grinned. It was a little tricky, but if he pulled this off right…

A little careful maneuvering brought him around the corner from the Inspector without being spotted. Leaning against the wall, he grinned before beginning.

—

 _Zut. I know that they're here… Even in this crowd, I should have been able to spot any of them…_ thought Alayna, making her way through the crowd. _So far, the only unusual thing in this place was that jackpot earlier…_

She froze, however, on hearing a familiar voice around the corner. Flattening herself against the wall, she listened closely to the softly spoken half of a very interesting conversation.

"…So as long as I can get to the rendezvous… Right. I'll head there now."

… _Found you._

Creeping around the corner, she was just in time to watch as a familiarly ringed tail disappeared out of one of the unlocked side doors. Grinning widely, she crept out after him, retrieving her trusty shock pistol from its hiding place.

Another flash of grey showed her where to go, and she followed with that hunter's smile already on her face. This was her favorite part of any assignment - the bit where the criminal was on the run.

Turning a corner, her grin grew wider as she realized that her target was being slow and careful. He was peeking around a corner, looking for danger ahead. She would've given anything to see the look on his face when he felt the barrel of her shock pistol press up against the back of his head.

"Inspector Marais?"

"Fancy meeting you here, Voleur. You're under arrest."

"On what grounds?"

"Multiple thefts of varying scale. Assault and battery. Resisting arrest. Take your pick, the list's very long."

"Aw. And here I was, about to give you a present."

"Attempted bribery can be put onto the list just as fast as you like, Voleur."

"I mean, it's a little illegal on my part. But I figured you needed to vent some frustration."

"Stop trying to change the subject."

"Come on, now. You know me better than to think I haven't got a plan."

"What, are you suggesting that I should just shoot you now?"

"Maybe."

Faster than she could blink, her shock pistol was out of her grip and in the air. With a sly grin, List took off, running deeper into the alleys as a growl escaped the Inspector's throat.

"Vous ne échapper à ce temps (You won't escape this time)." she muttered, catching her weapon before dashing after the thief.

—

"Got her on my tail. How long before the guards start showing up?"

"Not long. A minute, at the most."

"Got it, then I'll-"

A yip of surprise interrupted the normally calm and collected thief, changing his focus as the unmistakable buzz of a shock blast whizzed by his comm.

"…Did she… Almost get you?"

"She's gotten faster, and she's gotten more accurate. A lot more. Of both." came the shaken reply.

"Then don't distract yourself with me. Just run!"

List took the advice when it was offered, switching off the comm. Concerned, the jackal bent down to grab her BB…

…and grinned as she heard a new option present itself.

—

"Vous ne pouvez pas courir pour toujours, lâche (You can't run forever, coward)!"

Another yip as a bolt flew uncomfortably close, but she still couldn't hit the evasive thief. It was beginning to make her angry just how good he was at dodging her shots.

"Any man would run from a woman brandishing a gun!"

Growling, she continued pursuit, turning a sharp corner into another alley. "You can't lose me by turning corners, Voleur!"

"I know! That's not the plan!"

"The pla-?"

She was cut off as she burst out into the central plaza - a place chock-full of guards. List was waiting just ahead, cane in hand and looking out over the sea of meatheads.

"That's the plan." he remarked, grinning at her stupefied expression. "Honestly, it took a little longer than I thought to get here. Didn't expect so many to show up at once."

He then tapped his ear, listened for a moment, and his eyes went wide.

"Well, it's been fun!"

With that, he reached his cane out to one side. A faint roar suddenly became a close one as the Cooper Van burst into the plaza, List's cane hooking onto the side as it did. The assorted meatheads crowding the plaza opened fire after a moment of stunned silence, but were unable to stop the vehicle as it plowed through the plaza.

"I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got a heist to pull!"

List swung himself safely into the back of the van just as Alayna opened fire, her shock bolts more than sufficient to send a couple of the guards to dreamland. More and more piled up as shock bolts and vehicular assaults… continued.

"THIS IS SO AWESOME!"

The unmistakable shout of an excited bear - Rick was wide awake, and enjoying himself immensely as he plowed through the sea of easy targets. The van had been heavily armored for just such a situation, and resisted both bullet and body as it made its path of pain through the enemy.

"…Ils sont fous (They're crazy)." the Inspector muttered, making short work of the few guards who had their sights away from the van now mowing down so many of them.

It didn't take long for the van to decimate the goons, leaving only a few still up and shooting. With a huge grin, List waved from the back of the van as they sped off into the night, leaving the Inspector to clean up.

And clean up she surely did, quickly dispatching the few remaining guards, ending the last group by shooting an exposed generator, and causing it to go up in flames. Staring after her real quarry, she growled again. "A warmup. How nice. Now for the main event…"

—

"So what's the heist plan?"

"It's a smash and grab. You and I will cover Rick while he makes his way to the vault - I'll snipe, you sneak. Once he's got the loot, we get the hell out of here - no messing around here. We've got no time to be subtle, and we just ran over half the goon force around here."

"Back to basics. I like it."

"Besides, the commotion we caused will draw out Miss Fortune regardless. All that planning for nothing…"

"I could always sneak up to the top and meet you two at the base of the groundwire."

"That… Thanks, List. Grab some valuables from the big bad's living quarters, then zip line down."

"No problem. We're ready to roll then - let's go!"

—

Short chapter, but I could barely make myself write it all. Had to stretch one idea a long ways, and I only just remembered to make something explode.

Next chapter will be a direct lead-in to the boss battle. There will be smashing.

Also - 1000 views WOOHOO

 _With their heist plot in ruins, the Cooper Gang seems to be improvising big-time. Will their chewing-gum-and-prayer plan hold, or will they be running for their lives without a penny from that vault? Find out next time in Chapter 20: All In!_

KeyFire! PEACE OUT!


	20. All In

Chapter 20: All In

—

And here we are once more. Last step to the fight scene I know you all are here for. Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch, and the characters that are actually in the story belong to me.

With that out of the way, shall we?

—

"I've got a plan in full. Keeping you under the radar will benefit us, so List, you'll be entering after the panic starts up." Abby said, typing furiously on her computer as they tore through the streets.

"Panic, huh?"

"Right. Rick, you'll go in first. Start a fight, get a good panic going on in there. List will enter after the crowd's been riled up, followed by me. We'll take care of the guards and cover you on your way to the vault."

"Awesome! With my stupendous might, causing a panic among these gamblers should be easy!"

"That's the idea. I've loaded my BB with fast-acting tranquilizers. They're… Maybe a little toxic, but not enough to kill one of those big dumb goons. Should put them to sleep in a second. List, you've got the Idiot's Guide to Master Thievery and the super-special cane. I'm sure you can handle a little silent knockout action."

"I keep telling you not to call my family treasure that, but sure. Not a problem."

"Great. Once Rick's breached the main door, I'll join him at the vault. The digital lock shouldn't be a problem for me, since I've already gotten a good look at their data security. No big deal."

"You sure? Last time you said something was no big deal, you ended up trying to crack it for the rest of our heist."

"This time I'm sure of it. While I crack the vault, List will put his sneaking skills to use and sneak up to Miss Fortune's private rooms. He'll find something nice and valuable to steal, steal it, and run for the roof, where the ground wire will allow him to zip right down to us. Then we run like our tails are on fire, because the Inspector is probably done with those last guards by now and is on her way to kick our asses into next week."

"We have a plan B, right?"

"Well, assuming something goes horribly wrong, I'll probably be kicking myself while we all run like cheap paint."

"Good enough for me. And here we are!"

"Rick?"

"I'm ready!"

"Then knock on the door, won't you?"

—

The door flew off its hinges, blown away by the sheer power of the bear who had just thrown two guards through it. A roar echoed through the room, freezing everyone in their tracks as all eyes went to what was once the door.

Another roar sent the room into a crazed stampede, the guards trying to fight the current as they were trampled by the gamblers trying to escape from the rampaging bear in the entryway.

As said rampage commenced, and guards were thrown left and right like ragdolls, List slipped through the hole in the wall that was once an ornate double door. "Geez, big guy." he murmured, as Abby followed through.

"Well, we have our jobs to do. I'll find a good vantage, you start whacking guards."

"Way ahead of you."

List disappeared into the crowd without another word, blending in seamlessly among the frightened gamblers as they tried to escape to the exit. Dodging a flying guard, he hooked one by the back of the shirt, bashed the unlucky guard's head into a nearby pillar, and then slipped into the shadows, prowling for another target of opportunity.

Meanwhile, Abby made her way up the stairs, stopping every few feet to snipe one of the guards on the upper deck about to take a potshot at Rick. A huge grin appeared on her face when one of the guards slumped over the railing hard enough to tumble out and into the lower area.

Rick, the whole time through, had been throwing the guards around like an upset child who simply couldn't be satisfied with the old toys he had grown bored for. He was an excellent distraction.

It didn't take any of them long to reach their destination. As the last guard in the room fell, Abby swung herself over the railing, dropped hard onto the floor, and groaned in pain. Pulling herself to her feet, she ran to the door to join her friends.

"I've got the digital lock, List. You get going. No telling how long you have." the jackal said, beginning to work at the computer that controlled the vault door. "We'll be at the rendezvous with the loot."

List grinned, then vanished. He was already heading for the stairs, hoping he wouldn't bump into the rabbit proprietor on the way up, as his friends worked to get at the main stash of goodies.

"Like a big old steel piñata." he heard Abby mutter, just as he reached the doorway. It put a smile on his face as he headed up.

—

Even List, knowing just how opulent the rooms were, was a little stunned at first glance. "Did she really get that door diamond-studded…?" he wondered aloud, sneaking through the halls.

It didn't take the cunning thief long to find something worth taking. Slipping into a room, he swiped a jewelry box, then opened it. "Nice… This stuff is worth some serious… Hey, what's this?"

Pulling a specific piece out, he marveled for a moment. "Now _this_ is a work of art. Something like this… This is probably worth more than the whole rest of the box…"

Digging through the box some more, he frowned. "Nothing else that nice. Too bad. Wonder if it's custom-made…? Doesn't make much sense if… Actually, that could be an interesting effect."

"Qu'est-ce que tu racontes à vous-même (What are you babbling to yourself about)?"

"…Crud. I guess I underestimated you, huh? Figured you wouldn't get back to the casino so quickly."

"Je me suis rappelé le chemin du retour (I remembered the way back)."

"And with every turn, you impress me even more. You don't seem to be speaking much English. Want me to switch to French, or are you just expressing some anger?"

"Je vais te botter le cul pour être si arrogant (I'll kick your ass for being so cocky)."

"Ah-ah-ah."

Both half-coon and tigress froze as yet another person entered the room, her voice softly masking intense rage.

"I'll be doing the kicking here. Specifically, I'm going to kick both of your sorry butts out of here… Through, oh, maybe that window over there."

Three combatants. One holding a cane and quickly stashing a jewelry box with a very, very interesting piece inside. One holding a shock pistol and very determined to take _someone_ to jail. One wearing a business suit, armed with nothing but a pair of feet and one hell of a temper.

Nobody was getting out of this one without some serious injury.

—

Really short chapter, because I wanted to get this out as quickly as I could. Let me know if you liked it, and next chapter will take longer to get out because I want to make it a good fight scene.

 _LEEEEET'S GET READY TO RUUUUUMBLE! There's three combatants in the ring, and none of them are going to throw this one! Who will win? Who will lose? What the hell was the thing in the box that had List so fascinated? Find out two of these answers in Chapter 21: Let The Cards…_

Yes, I'm taking the lazy route and stretching a title across two chapters. Coming up with names for these is _really hard_.

See you next time! KeyFire, out!


	21. Let The Cards

Chapter 21: Let The Cards…

—

So, here we are at last. This will be a three-way fight. Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch, and there will be a lot of the latter in this fight.

Alright, with that out of the way, let's see about this…

—

"I knew it was suspicious… Clever people tend to stay far clear of my casinos. So this is what's become of the illustrious Cooper lineage… Not even able to get in and out of a simple room without alerting the occupant."

"I guess my family is pretty infamous among thieves. Be fair, though. The alerting only happened when I was caught by the Inspector."

"Does it matter either way? You're both under arrest. Le Voleur knows his charges. Miss Fortune, you're coming with me for… Well, the list is very, very long. Let's start with rigging the slots in this casino and go from there."

"Can't have a thief taking my things, can't have a cop nosing in on them. Neither of you are leaving here alive."

"I think that's threatening a police officer. Another charge for the list, huh?"

"Playing nice won't save you from the jail cell, Voleur."

"Then I guess there's only one way left for us all to come to terms, huh?"

"Agreed."

"Vrai."

"Then it's settled."

There was deadly silence for just another moment, then the room exploded into violent action. Dodging a plasma bolt headed his way, List barely had time to register the other threat.

With a pained shout, the half-coon slammed into the wall, feeling his bones complain of the sheer pressure put on them. Winded, he fell to the floor, a death-grip on his cane as he struggled for air.

"Flat-heeled shoes. Damn, that hurt…" he managed, struggling back to his feet as he sized his opposition up once more. Now slowly hopping from one side to the other, the formerly calm rabbit had a murderous light in her eyes, and a… Glint on her shoes?

"Scratch that. Metal-heeled. That explains a lot… Guess you like stacking the deck."

"Luck has smiled on me, little Cooper, but I don't like getting soft. Cheating is always a good way to keep my wits about me."

Both casino boss and master thief dodged away as a pair of shock blasts flew through the room.

"Je ne apprécier pas être ignoré (I don't appreciate being ignored)."

"Rest assured I had no intentions of that."

This time, List was ready for the attack. Catching the kick with his cane, he batted away the rabbit before ducking under another shock blast as the battle resumed.

Bolts of electricity flew all over the room, Alayna cursing her poor accuracy as her targets bobbed and weaved through the barrage. Seeing her primary target get closer and closer, she dropped low, halting the barrage in order to duck another kick - one that would've taken her head straight off.

She then straightened up, her sturdy weapon slamming straight into the seedy gambler's chin. The impact sent the rabbit flying across the room, at which point the tigress pounced. Expecting to have to dodge the pistol, List was unprepared to find the weapon fall short, followed up by a vicious roundhouse that caught him in the side, sending him spinning towards the door.

Catching himself, he grinned. "Clever girl."

Another shock blast almost caught him, but he swung his cane at the last second, grinning even wider. The blast dissipated, but his cane began to glow, crackling with electricity.

"I told you my cane was special…" he remarked, wagging his finger at the surprised Inspector and casino owner. "It's got some… Weird properties. Conducts electricity, heat, mystic energy, all _extremely_ well and with very little bleed. I haven't quite mastered the trick to setting it on fire yet, but… Well, I just need a spark for electricity."

"Neat trick. Won't save you." the proprietress growled, before leaping at him again. Stepping back, he brought his cane between them, waving it like a fencing blade. As he drove the rabbit back, he noted Alayna stepping in behind her, shock pistol high in the air.

A loud thud sounded out as the officer whacked the criminal once more, sending her crashing to the floor. Down she might have been, but only for a moment - rebounding off the floor, she caught the Inspector in the gut, narrowly avoiding a desperate swipe of the Cooper Cane as both women went flying into the air. Miss Fortune landed easily. The Inspector did not, crashing into the floor with a shout of pain.

"You know, I really don't appreciate it when people kick my arresting officer." List remarked, looking irritated now.

"You've been arrested?"

"No. Bless her heart, she tries, but I haven't gone behind bars yet."

"Ne soyez pas confortable."

Both criminal and thief froze for one, vital moment. A painful jolt sent them both hurtling through the door to the balcony, as they were nailed with a high-intensity shock blast. Striking her head on the wall, Miss Fortune skidded off to one side, clutching her head and groaning in pain. She was out of the fight for the moment.

List picked himself slowly up from the ground, still smarting from the shock, as the Inspector stepped through the crushed door. Now standing on the wide balcony above the game room, they were both acutely aware of the long drop awaiting anyone who went too far that way.

"You'll be in a cell by the end of the night. Don't worry, Voleur, I'll be sure to visit."

"Aw, you do care."

"Mettre une chaussette en elle (Put a sock in it)."

"Sorry to burst your bubble, Inspector, but I'll have to decline your offer. Prison food just doesn't do it for me."

"Did I say you had a choice in the matter?"

His cane had lost its charge, but was more than tough enough to keep his head on his shoulders as the Inspector took another swing with her shock pistol. Batting her away, he stepped back, grinning again as he kept out of her reach.

"Another dance, Inspector? We really shouldn't make a habit of this."

"A dance? What are you on about, Voleur?"

"Think it through."

Contemplation, then realization flashed on her face as the Inspector kept up the attack, List nimbly avoiding her attacks when he could and parrying when he couldn't. Annoyance then replaced realization, but List merely smiled again.

"I know you don't believe me, but at least consider; we're on the same side here." he began, ducking under a particularly vicious strike.

"You may think of yourself as some kind of hero, Voleur, but you're nothing but a criminal!"

"Hero? Hardly. Heroes don't steal. I'm the dashing rogue who the hero of the story works with, mainly because the rogue doesn't want people to get hurt, and has skills necessary for the hero's success."

"Maybe a very self-aware criminal, but one with a massive ego."

"Admit it - if it weren't for my interference, things would've gone sour in Russia and England. _Very_ sour."

"I'll give you Russia, but not England."

"I suppose that's fair. My point being - you may not approve of my methods, but you can't deny that the results are positive." List continued, catching her shock pistol with his cane to stop another attack.

"That's not your point. You're driving at something deeper. Spit it out, so I can crush your thieving heart."

List whistled, impressed. "Dramatic. I got chills. You're right, though. You already know we make a good team, despite our… Professional differences. We could work _together_ , instead of having to do this dance every time we meet."

"I'm a good cop. I don't work with criminals."

The thief locked his cane again the officer's pistol, stopping their frantic movement for a moment. His expression turned deadly serious.

"The world isn't black and white, Alayna. There's the shades of gray to consider. Think what you will of me, but I'm not nearly as bad as the people you usually arrest."

"Your words are as empty as your soul. Mankind ill needs a savior such as you."

"…Did you just quote Castlevania at me?" List asked, eyes widening.

"Maybe. So?"

"…That is _so hot_."

"What?!"

"Uh, I mean - you're - I…!"

Both combatants stepped back, List suddenly looking flustered and nervous. He couldn't believe he had said that - how had that slipped out? Lost in thought for a moment, it was all the Inspector needed to take the advantage, and the raccoon found himself staring down the barrel of her shock pistol.

"Vous êtes en état d'arrestation (You are under arrest). Lâchez votre arme et descendre sur le terrain (Drop your weapon and get down on the ground)." the officer growled, her face hidden by the barrel.

"I swear, I didn't mean to - not that I think you're not - but, uh, I'd never-"

"NOW!"

"How cute. A lover's quarrel."

Two pairs of eyes widened as both cop and thief turned to the source of the noise - just in time to both be struck by the incoming rabbit. And I do mean 'incoming' - Miss Fortune had recovered from her injury, and launched herself not unlike a missile at the two of them, striking them both with an incredibly powerful torpedo kick.

List lost his grip on his cane, taking the brunt of the blow, and flew across the balcony. Only quick thinking saved him when he hit the railing, managing to find grip on the edge of the balcony as he flipped over it, injured though he was. His cane skidded away, close to the door he had been blown through earlier.

Alayna, meanwhile, was just able to bring her pistol up to cover herself. The gun was utterly destroyed by the kick, smashed beyond all repair, but Alayna was sent spinning away, collapsing near the wall in a daze.

Grinning at her handiwork, Miss Fortune approached the dangling raccoon, taking her time. She was still smarting from the blow to the head, but the situation was happy enough for her to ignore that.

"The great Cooper Clan, reduced to this? I'd have killed you sooner if I knew you were this easy to surprise."

"I'm not dead yet."

"Got anything better for your last words, _rat_?"

List opened his mouth, but was cut off by his own shout of pain as she stomped on one of his hands.

"It's tragic, really. Who'd have thought… A family that's been passing down thieving tactics and techniques since the time of the ancient pharaohs - undone by a _fall_!"

"Never was my favorite season. I've always been a sucker for winter, though."

"This time for real. Any last words before I send you to your doom?"

List opened his mouth again, then paused. "Last words… I didn't prepare a speech for death. Figured I'd have a little more time to than this."

"Fool. Say goodbye, then."

List closed his eyes tight, and waited for the end…

…But it never came. All he heard was a soft thud.

"I'm almost disappointed in you."

Opening his eyes, he looked up, then blinked.

—

Eyes open. She had to get ahold of herself.

First thing… Gah! Headache. Work through it.

In her hand… She could tell without even looking. It was crushed beyond all hopes of repair. That thing was a custom job, too. Ruined.

…Was that the cane? Something…

Memories rushed back to her. She almost cursed, but looked around silently, trying to go unnoticed.

There was the casino owner… And…

Hand.

 _Merde_.

Attacking by hand was too risky - if she couldn't knock Miss Fortune out in the first blow, the rabbit would almost surely stomp on the thief's hand before succumbing to a second blow. She needed a weapon, but her shock pistol was busted…

Hm. That would work.

Pulling herself to her feet, she swiped the cane off the floor. Slowly approaching the gloating felon, she brought it over her head, then thought better of it. Bringing it down and around, she gently hooked the cane on the back of Miss Fortune's suit.

Swinging the cane up, she had time to marvel at its craftsmanship. Using it just felt… _right_. Like the cane itself was somehow helping her with this stealth thing. A moment later, she caught the rabbit with the cane, spinning gracefully to catch her while still in midair. The impact of being caught in the neck was enough to incapacitate the casino owner, and she let the arc of her spin carry the crook to the ground. She could barely hear the impact.

Looking down at the thief hanging on the edge of the balcony, she swung the cane up and over her side, resting it across her shoulders.

Alayna grinned. "I'm almost disappointed in you."

The look of pure shock on the thief's face made every single frustration of the job worth it.

"Wha…? That wasn't the classic Silent Annihilation technique - you _improvised_ a silent takedown?!"

"Surprised? The cane is extremely useful, I'll admit."

Hooking the back of the thief's shirt, the Inspector easily lifted him back onto the balcony. Dropping onto the ground, he stretched, clearly glad to be alive.

"Now then…"

…And the cane was at his throat. Surprised, he looked over at the Inspector.

"You're still under arrest."

—

I'm just not up to the blurb right now. Think I caught something… There's been a stomach bug going around.

Still, what a cliffhanger. List's been disarmed, and his weapon is now in the hands of the good Inspector. Tune in next time for Chapter 22: …Fall Where They May, and let's see how this gets resolved.


	22. Fall Where They May

Chapter 22: …Fall Where They May

—

Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch.

No messing around, we're still on a cliffhanger! QUICKLY! WE MUST PULL OURSELVES UP FROM THE CLIFF!

…Um. Right. You get the idea. Let's get to going.

—

"Can't we discuss this? Maybe over dinner? I haven't eaten in hours."

"Flirting won't get you out of this."

"First things first. If I promise not to run anywhere, will you _please_ cuff the proprietress? Preferably to something very sturdy?"

"…I suppose that's fair. Move an inch and I'll call 'resisting arrest' on the report."

"I already know what you're capable of, Inspector. No need to tell me twice."

Rolling her eyes, the officer turned to the unconscious rabbit. A thoughtful look grew on her face. "Think there's any duct tape around here?" she asked, grinning.

"These _are_ her personal quarters. It's stocked up like a home - probably some in the cabinets somewhere. Maybe the kitchen?"

"Stay here."

It didn't take long for the tigress to return with several rolls of the stuff and a devilish grin. A minute and a half was all it took to have Miss Fortune securely taped to the wall.

"Barring neither of us paying attention for… About half an hour. I think she's not going anywhere." List remarked, grinning.

"Et ni êtes-vous (And neither are you). Correct me if I'm wrong, but without this, well… You're not exactly skilled in hand-to-hand." Alayna remarked, leveling his cane at him again.

"I could still outrun you. Without your pistol to slow me down you're not quite quick enough to catch me in a footrace."

"And you'd never abandon the cane. Tell you what. You get a ten-second head start. You could never bring yourself to leave without it. So your choice is simple - run without the cane, or go to jail with it."

"Or I could take it, then run."

"You can't steal it. You can't out fight me. Face it, Voleur. You're beaten."

"Am I? Well, there's only one way to find out."

With a sly grin, he took ahold of the cane. The Inspector tensed up, confused. He wasn't trying to twist it out of her grip.

She got her answer in a way she didn't expect. A swift tug on the cane brought her stumbling into the thief's arms. Before she could do anything, she found herself on the receiving end of a tender kiss. It only lasted a moment - she knew that much - but her mind kicked into overdrive instantly. It felt like a lifetime.

Breaking it, List eased the cane out of her stun-loosened grip. "Hate to kiss and run, Inspector, but my gang's already been kept waiting. I'll make it up to you."

With that, he left the shocked officer on the balcony, disappearing into the hall at a full sprint. It took a moment for the tigress to regain her bearings, at which point she turned around.

"…Chasing le Voleur without my shock pistol would be a waste of time…" she muttered. "…Mais quoi...? Que diable était-ce sujet?"

"…Uuuuuuuuuuugh. What… What happened…?"

"Oh. You're awake. Good… I need to take some confusing feelings out on something."

"Oh. Oh dear. Can't we talk about this?"

"Fine. I was just _kissed_ by the infuriatingly coy thief who's been evading capture for the past three months - all the while periodically showing up irritatingly close to me. What, precisely, do you suggest I do?"

"…I…I see. Have you tried taking your confusion out on the source?"

"He's faster than I am, and you broke my weapon."

"I'm screwed, aren't I?"

"Terribly so. Sorry, Miss _Fortune_. Your luck has run out."

—

"He should've gotten here by now." Abby growled, looking up at the street. Rick rested his head on his hand, clearly bored with the wait. "Maybe he's just having trouble getting everything down on that little ground wire thing." the bear suggested.

"He'd have called to complain about it and warned us of a paraglider drop. You don't suppose he got into a fight with the proprietress, do you?" 

"…Who?"

"The owner of the casino."

"Oh! Well, even if he did, he wouldn't have much trouble kicking that spoiled bunny's butt. List's no slouch with his cane, even if he's not as strong as Rick the Mighty!"

"That's not really what I'm worried about. In straight hand-to-hand, I have the utmost confidence in List. But the owner is supposedly ridiculously, consistently lucky…"

"Karma comes a'knockin' for everyone eventually." came a familiar, confident voice. Both bear and jackal turned quickly, to see their friend sitting comfortably in the back, tossing the jewelry box he had pilfered up and down.

"Just the one thing? That's not like you."

"Got into a battle royale. The big bad's under arrest now, but I think we owe the Inspector something."

"You'll have to give us the full story, then."

"On the ride back. There's a twist at the end even I didn't see coming. Meantime, shall we?"

"I've got a buyer in Shanghai."

"Rick, GPS got the route?"

"You know it!"

"Then what're we waiting for? Hit it!"

As the engine revved up, List looked off to the side. Peeling out, they passed by the front entrance - just as the Inspector exited the building, dragging along the beaten proprietress.

List swung himself out of the back of the van, holding on with his cane as he grinned. A shocked look appeared on the Inspector's face once more, then confusion as he tapped his own ear.

As the van pulled away, and the thief swung himself back into it, she reached up to her own ear. Surprise again played across her expression, as she drew back a Cooper calling card with something hastily scrawled on it.

"Check your pocket…?"

Reaching into it, she found herself holding something small, but rather hard. Drawing it out, her eyes widened.

"Un autre cadeau cher, hein (Another expensive gift, huh)?" she wondered aloud, inspecting it. "Maudits voleur (You damn thief). Qu'est-ce que tu fais (What are you doing)?"

The jewel was a five-pointed star matching her Interpol badge - if it were made of exquisitely detailed solid crystal.

"Hey, that's - where did you get that?!"

"You recognize it?" Alayna asked, turning to the still-mostly-taped-up Miss Fortune.

"Of course! That little thing is worth a lot of scratch. It's… Well, you don't need to know why I have it. Just know it's one of a kind. And yes, it's based on the police star - it was intended to be an earring, for an acquaintance of mine."

"The confusions I took out on you earlier are how I got this thing, apparently."

"Tricky little thief. Dumb, if he's attempting to court a police officer. But tricky."

"Court - you think…?"

"For a skilled officer, you're a little oblivious, dear. But then, you're young. You'll learn."

"…You have the right to remain silent, you know. I very strongly suggest you use it."

"Shutting up."

As Interpol vehicles began to pull up, Alayna sighed. There were so many ways this situation had gone weird, she couldn't even count them all.

"Writing this report is going to be _so much fun_." she muttered, frustration finally surfacing as the main emotion of the moment.

—

"…And that's the full story." List finished, still grinning widely. Abby stared at him in disbelief as Rick burst out into raucous laughter.

"You _kissed_ the Inspector?" the stunned jackal finally asked.

"I had to get my cane back somehow. Figured I might as well have a little fun with the situation too."

"Right… Well, List's antics aside, there is a slight problem. Despite a lot of digging on ThiefNet, I've been unable to ascertain the exact location - or even identity - of the last member of the Steele Ring. For now, we should just lay low in Paris."

"I assume you've got a small job or three lined up to keep us from going crazy with boredom?"

"You assume correctly. We may have to wait a bit, but I'll find something we can use on the last member of the Steele Ring."

"Then let's spend a week in Shanghai, offload the loot on your buyer, then head home. It's gonna be great to be thieving in France again."

—

Short chapter, I know, but any longer and it would've just felt like padding. Well, that's what I think.

Hey, shoutout to Doctor Wheel, not just for reviewing but for quoting Saxton Hale. Good on ya, mate!

No blurb here. I will reveal that the next few chapters won't be the interim chapters you're all accustomed to, but a short series of mini-heists. Next time; Chapter 23: Personal Matters!

I would write more, but I will be fighting a yeti for the next nine hours. KeyFire out!


	23. Personal Matters

Chapter 23: Personal Matters

—

Here we go again. Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch, and these chapters will be mini-heists, not interim. Should help keep them interesting.

Small confession; I haven't actually worked out all the particulars of the last Steele Ring member yet, which contributed to my decision to delay.

With that little secret up in the air, let's get to business.

—

"So, who's the target this time?"

"Nobody important. A couple of small-timers trying to get into the big leagues since we, you know, massively inconvenienced the local mafia."

"Ladder-climbers, huh? Well, let's knock them back down to the lower rungs again. Is Rick in position?"

"He'll be ready for the haul. We've only got one shot at this, so don't screw up."

"I thought you said these were small-timers?"

"We haven't done any prep work. All we've got is the intel from ThiefNet and the official blueprints of the building, courtesy of the fragile security of the contractor's computer."

"…True. I'm in the window."

"I already know you're on schedule."

"No, no, the actual window."

"Oh! Then you're ahead of schedule."

"Just take the shot, I need a-"

Almost as soon as he spoke, he heard the unmistakable crack of Abby's BB, and raised his hand. It was an old family trick that let him perform his own - the Thief Reflexes, a heightened state of awareness enabled by periodic meditation.

To him, time slowed to a crawl as he turned to watch the incoming round. With practiced precision, he brought his cane up to match the path of the projectile. Curving its path with the crook of the thieving instrument, he brought it in a perfect circle, depositing it safely in the palm of his hand.

"-glass cutter. Thanks for putting it in the little plastic ball." he grinned, turning back to the window. The thief deftly cut out a circular entrance, caught the glass as it began to fall, then let himself into the room.

"What am I looking for here?"

"These guys are gun runners. We won't want their merchandise - little profit from that, and besides, we don't deal in deadly weaponry."

"So what do they have that we want?"

"The profits, of course. Like I said, they're small-timers - barely any common sense at all. Spent the money from their first run in equal part; expanded merchandise and gear, sure, but they put just as much into decoration. Idiots think they need to 'look the part' to hang with the big dogs."

"Any good thief knows; it's not the looks, it's the skills. If your clothes are a deal-breaker, then the deal was never a good one."

"Exactly. Even undercover missions rely much more on your skills than your disguise. A lot of what these guys bought is wearable; watches, pendants, that sort of tacky, hard-to-steal stuff. But they _also_ sunk a lot of money into one easy-to-carry package; a shiny little treasure called the Glacial Bracer. Some kind of funky diamond inlay, looks like ice. Worth some serious coin."

"Sounds pretty. So, that's my target?"

"Right. Rick will act as your distraction for the getaway, while I cover from the roofs. Everyone in that building is with these gunrunners - so don't worry about collateral damage. I'll do what I can to keep your route safe, but there's only so much I can do, so don't let anyone raise the alarm."

"Roger that. The safe is on the ground floor, right?"

"Right agai-popping bogey!"

List immediately dropped into a crouch as he heard another crack. A pained moan followed by a thud put a grin on his face, and he stepped into the hallway over the unconscious guard.

"Sorry, pal." he remarked, pulling the dart out of the sleeping guard's side. "This might ruin your job, but I need to stay under the radar.

A little posing later, and Abby sighed as a picture popped up on her Binocucom. "Really, List?"

"I had a little time to spare. Whaddaya think? I call it; 'Sleeping on the Job'."

"Don't quit your day job. But it'll fool anyone, so long as they don't shake the poor guy awake. Good work."

"Thanks. Heading downstairs now."

It took a few more well-placed shots and whacks upside the head to get the thief safely downstairs. "Way more corners than anyone really needs." he grumbled, silently bringing down yet another guard.

"At least none of them have seen you coming."

"True, but I'm the sneaky one. I could go unnoticed just as easily in a long, straight hallway."

"Then why did you need my supporting fire to make it this far?"

"I didn't really 'need' your support, per se, but it has made the job significantly easier. I'm on the ground floor. Safe should be easy to crack, but getting it out is a different story."

"Top floors are beginning to suspect something is wrong, but you're still clear on the ground. That won't last. Your best exit strategy is the one we laid out beforehand."

"Just so we're clear; this is a hot exit, right? Rick comes charging in, lays out as many of the thugs in the front as he can, and we both run for it?"

"That's the plan. We're on the clock - get to work!"

"Relax. It's not like… They… Abby, there's no safe in this room."

"Wait, what?"

"No. Safe."

"B-b-but, there's gotta be a safe! All the intel pointed to that _one room_! There's nowhere else that makes sense!"

"Hang on. I may have found the problem."

"What? What happened?!"

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me. Art decryption lock. They hid it behind this tacky painting. Give me thirty seconds… Bunch of idiots, hiding the safe behind the combination…"

"Oh. Oh, thank goodness. Here I was thinking that-"

"Uh… Abby? I found the bracer. It's not in the safe, though."

"Really? Well, grab it and-"

"Gonna have to call you back. Tell Rick 'Plan B', will you?"

"Plan B? But that's-"

"Thanks. Bye!"

As List hung up on the jackal, he gave an embarrassed grin to the frankly enormous boar standing in front of him.

"So, no hard feelings?"

"Now, lemme see. You break into my place o' business. You knock out the men I have upstairs - thinkin' I don't keep a little insurance in case o' that, too. An' you try ta steal my shiny new piece o' jewelry. I'm thinkin' there's a lotta hard feelin's out o' that." the man responded, using a thick 'mob' accent. He raised his arm, displaying the trinket that the thief was after snugly wrapped around his wrist.

"Yeah, I figured. That's why I said 'Plan B'." List grinned in response, before bringing his cane around hard. A look of surprise appeared on his face as his cherished tool simply rebounded off of the gangster's skull, sending an unpleasant vibration through his body.

"You thinkin' you can hurt me wit' that li'l stick? Tha's hilarious, kid." the boar guffawed, before bringing his fist down hard. List just barely managed to get out of the way, with the huge porcine creating a crater in the wall from the impact of his strike.

"Okay, Rick. I really need Plan B right about now."

"Who? What th' hell is 'Plan B'?"

"Uh, my big lovable goof of a friend who also happens to be quite frankly ridiculously strong…"

An enormous crash reverberated through the room, the wall opposite to the one the boar had weakened quickly reduced to dust.

"…And that, in order."

The boar's shock was more than enough for List. Not a moment later, the big man found himself on the receiving end of a rather nasty shock.

"So, I finally figured out how to perform that little trick." List grinned, his cane sparking with electricity. Another whack sent the boar to the floor, and the half-coon grinned, bracer in hand.

"Wow. That thing's really pretty." Rick remarked, staring at it.

"It is, isn't it? I'm halfway tempted to stash it in the Cooper Vault. Then again, we've sunk some coin into this op that we won't get back any other way than selling it…"

"Belay that, List. They've got something else worth stealing, but you'll have to be fast. Police are on their way - and the Inspector is heading them. Seems the van attracted a lot of attention."

"Point me towards the shiny stuff."

"Turns out these idiots have a piece of contraband they got at a hefty discount from a… Questionable source. I have a contract here on ThiefNet - exclusive offer, looks cobbled together in the last sixty seconds. The original owner wants his gun back."

"Gun?"

"You can't possibly miss it. It's an old one, but it's a good one - a Hotchkiss Model 1909. Also known as the Benet-Mercie, it's a French-made LMG, and it's in perfect condition. Given that this one has a history to it, it's worth a lot of money - and the man we're now stealing it for is willing to pay almost double what it's worth to get it back. Family heirloom."

"I can relate."

"Figured as much. Anyways, you'll have to work fast - it's in its own crate, should be separate from the rest. If Rick carries it, it shouldn't slow you two down, but you're still on a tight schedule. I'll wait in the van."

"You got it."

Both thief and strongman ran off, leaving the boar dazed and confused… And with one of the Cooper calling cards on his chest. It didn't take them long to reach the warehouse, Rick handily disposing of the guards along the way.

"Alright, look for a box. Shouldn't be full-sized like these bulk crates - might be made out of something different, too." List instructed, as he and his pal began to turn the whole place upside down.

"Full stop! Think I found it!"

Both of them stopped for a moment, admiring the svelte leather case List had pulled out of the shelves.

"Classy." Rick nodded in approval.

"Mm-hm. Really says 'weapon with history'." List agreed.

"If you boys are done admiring the case, get out of there!"

"Hey, we're guys. We can take a minute to appreciate fine craftsmanship any time." the thief grinned. Rick hoisted the case, and both boys took off, headed for the main warehouse door…

…Only to run into an ambush. Completely surrounded by cops wielding standard-issue SIG handguns and Ruger rifles, plus one unarmed and extremely dangerous Interpol Inspector standing just opposite them on the interior of the semicircle.

"You're surrounded, and these policemen are exceptionally well-trained. Surrender, or I'll signal them to kneecap you both." Alayna informed them, keeping her tone civil.

"I'm flattered. Thirty armed policemen, plus an extremely skilled Inspector, for just two criminals?" List asked, a smile on his face. "I guess you've begun to take us seriously."

"You have five seconds to comply. Hear that, boys? If they aren't on the ground in five…" she announced, loud enough for all the officers surrounding them to hear.

List grinned again. "Only five? Darn. I was hoping for seven. Give Abby a chance to ensure a good ricochet on her first shot."

"Wha-MERDE! TIREZ!"

Fingers went to triggers, but never got the chance to pull them. Several cracks rang out in quick succession, and a protective layer of goop exploded into the air, catching incoming fire just long enough for the boys to duck back into the warehouse.

As ricocheting BB bullets bounced through the cops, knocking then out en masse, the enraged tigress grabbed a SIG out of the air, grimacing at the unfamiliar weighting of the weapon. Dodging one of the hard plastic balls, she ran into the facility, still growling.

"Where are you…?"

A crash alerted her to yet another wall falling. A flash of fur was all she saw as the thieves made a break for it.

"I won't let you escape me again, Voleur!"

"Afraid you don't really have a choice, Inspector!"

Enraged, the cinnamon-furred tigress leaped for the hole, unwilling to let the Cooper Gang escape again. Two flashes this time, and she chose the grey one without hesitation.

"Got you now!" she grinned. Luck was on her side - the alley Cooper had chosen was a dead end.

"Do you?"

The coy voice meant he wasn't concerned. If he wasn't concerned, he had a plan. If he had a plan…

"Merde."

As she suspected. He had vanished… And left behind a calling card, as usual. Picking it up, she slipped the pistol into her holster - too small, but she would return it anyways.

 _Sorry to run again. How about I make it up to you? Christmas is coming up. Think we can put aside our differences for one night? I even have a gift for you. Just don't shoot me when I show up, alright? See you then! -List_

"Cocky little…" she growled, before shoving the card into her pocket. "…This is going to be another fun report, isn't it?"

—

Well, there's the first of the mini-heists. Cut it short a little, but… There wasn't much more to write, and I didn't want to put off posting it any longer.

Yes, the story clock doesn't follow real time. It's not a crime, and I wanted a little winter out here. It's frickin' burning out here, I needed to at least write a little cold. So join us next time for Chapter 24: A Cooper Christmas.

KeyFire out. I'm gonna get some lemonade…


	24. A Cooper Christmas

Chapter 24: A Cooper Christmas

—

Christmas. It's a time for caroling, presents, sharing good company, and thankfulness for what you've been given. It's not Christmas in the real world, sure, but like I said last time - it's blazing hot here, and I wanted to write something a little colder. So sue me.

Speaking of which; don't. Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch. Also, some alcohol in this chapter.

And with that out of the way, let's get going!

—

"Christmas Day, and not a carol to be heard. Il est un enfer d'une tempête de neige là-bas (It's one hell of a blizzard out there). As usual, the Secret Santa program at HQ went off the rails - this time because nobody can get to the building to actually exchange the gifts. C'est la vie."

Looking out into the howling winds, she sighed. "I rarely spend any time at home, so… I don't know anyone in this building. Summary: I am stuck, alone, and talking to myself. Merde."

Turning back to look around her room, the tigress sighed again. "I never really realized what a crummy apartment this is. Three rooms, not counting the bathroom. I could get better room at a hotel, and for the same cost, too." she remarked. Frustrated, she flopped down onto her bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Looks like someone could use a little company."

Alayna's eyes widened, and she shot up, looking around. The source was quickly located - one all-too-familiar thief, leaning against the wall just outside the door to her bedroom.

"What - how did you…?"

"I let myself in. Used the window. I'm light enough to get a good grip on fresh snow, so the climb wasn't too hard."

"You got here through the blizzard in _that_?" the officer asked, realizing he was still in his usual work clothes.

"Insulated, just in case. The exercise helps keep me warm, too." he grinned, tugging at the collar of his jacket. "Wasn't too long a run either, but then, I'm pretty quick on my feet."

"…Vous imbécile fou."

"I may be crazy, but I'm not an idiot." List protested, looking faux offended. He grinned after a moment. "You didn't shoot on sight, though. That's good."

"I'm unarmed. Command hasn't reissued since my shock pistol was crushed in Macau. Besides, that gun was custom-made - took a huge chunk of my savings to get commissioned. No way could I afford a second one." Alayna admitted, looking depressed. She had grown rather fond of her weapon, but it was beyond any hope of repair.

"Speaking of which. Your present."

A neatly-wrapped box suddenly caught her attention, sitting in a place she could've sworn was empty a moment earlier, and she walked over to it. "This?"

"Yup. It wouldn't have been possible without calling in a favor or two. Rest assured though, everything in that present was procured 100% legally." List replied, looking over at the box.

"Still can't believe you were telling the truth. You know I could legally beat you unconscious and turn you in when the blizzard stops, right?"

"I'm fully aware, but hoping the present convinces you not to."

"You'd better have made it something good, then. Let's see…"

Going to open the parcel, she realized there was a card attached to it - another Cooper card. Rolling her eyes, she quickly plucked it off, reading the writing on the interior.

 _If you're reading this, you probably haven't shot me. Thanks! I felt really bad about getting your gun destroyed back in Macau, so here's hoping this makes up for that. Merry Christmas!_

Curious now, she opened the package. The tigress' eyes widened, staring at the item inside for a moment before gingerly lifting it out of the package.

"Custom-made, balanced to perfection. Nearly indestructible, and comes with a home-brewed Aim Assist feature. Abby and I cobbled together some specs and a base model, but Abby could only get so far. We were able to coerce a firearm enthusiast we recently met into helping us finish it up. Not sure who he got to work on it, but the testing included dropping it out of a plane." List explained, grinning at the stunned look on the officer's face. "In short, it's nearly indestructible, fine-tuned to perfection, and comes with a few extra features. One-of-a-kind, too. Only Abby's got the blueprints, so nobody can replicate it unless they take the original."

"The only way I'm letting go of this gun is if someone pries it out of my cold, dead hands. This is _quality_ , Voleur. I'm genuinely impressed."

The gun in question was a revamped and improved version of her old shock pistol, painted a simple blue and orange. The material was dense enough to make the gun more slender without giving up the impact on hit, and assuming List was telling the truth, it wasn't going to be damaged easily. A small dial on the side, covered by some kind of see-through material - like glass, but not at all fragile - indicated its current setting - Stun. Several other settings were marked on the side of the weapon, but Alayna had already moved on. An Interpol star was proudly displayed on the side of the barrel, bringing a small smile to the tigress' face, but the detail that impressed her the most was the smallest. Despite its (comparatively) small size, the shock pistol had a fully operational HUD embedded into the reflex sight atop the barrel; smart-targeting, vision modifiers (night, infrared, etc), even a charge level and estimated remaining shots.

"Getting the sight working properly was a bit of a pain. Abby included her design for a miniature multi-wave generator when we sent it off to be finished. From the report, it was the only thing that let them finish on time. No high-intensity wavelengths, so it won't cause cancer, either. Bonus." List remarked.

"How considerate. You say it's been field tested?"

"Thoroughly. Again, we're not entirely sure by who, but our friend assured us they were quick and exhaustive. I'm inclined to believe him."

"But you're not sure."

"…No, I suppose not." List replied, looking a little nervous now.

"Then… Well, I'll have to test it myself. Not here, though. And I'm not going outside in that."

Both turned to look at the storm. "Has it… Has it gotten _stronger_?" the thief asked, looking surprised. "I can't go outside in that. I'd freeze my tail off in seconds."

"So I guess we're stuck here together."

"Guess so."

Slumping against the wall, List let out a sigh. "Small apartment. Seems nice enough, though." he remarked, looking around.

"For the price I'm renting it at? Not even close."

"Come on, it can't be that bad."

Alayna walked over to one of the cabinets, pulled it open, and sifted through it for a moment. Pulling out a document, she handed it to the thief. He looked at it for just a moment, then his eyes widened.

"You could rent a decently sized home with this kind of money. How in the hell…?"

"I just needed a place to stay, and I make enough that it's not _too_ much of a hassle to pay for. I don't really have time to shop around, either."

"Geez. Wish I could help out, but something tells me that offering would be overbearing."

"A little. I appreciate the thought."

The raccoon nodded. "You're a pretty good host. Stellar, compared to how we usually meet. Christmas spirit?"

"Part that. Part the gift. Listen, if we're stuck here together, I have an old recipe for eggnog."

"Eggnog?" List replied, ears perking up. "If you're offering…"

"Help me out with it, and you can have some."

"Deal."

—

"Hand me that brandy."

"Which one?"

"Top left."

List retrieved the requested ingredient, and watched it disappear into the drink. "That's a lot of alcohol going into the eggnog." he observed.

"Je suis Française! We are only getting started, Voleur - think you can handle it?"

"Is that a challenge?"

"I will need the port. And yes."

"Whoo. This is the good stuff, isn't it? Here you go, and you're on. What're the stakes?"

"Yes. I've been saving it for some of this eggnog, actually. The stakes… Alright. Whoever falls over first is the loser, and if I win, then you have to go in for unlawful entry."

"Unlawful entry - that's barely even a crime. I'd be in for a day, max. Are you going soft on me?"

"It would be too easy to put you away for everything on your file over a drinking contest."

"I can respect that. If I win, you have to… Hm…"

"Can't think of anything?"

"No, I guess not."

"Tell you what. Since you're such a wimp, I'll let you make it up _afterwards_. Considering you won't win anyways, it is not a big risk to take."

"You sure?! You're not the only French person in this room, you know. I may not show it much, but it's true."

"Sounds like you're trying to convince yourself, not me."

"Don't say I didn't warn you. Is the eggnog ready?"

"What do you think? Neither of us outdrinks the other."

"Of course. Here, your glass."

Both took a drinking glass, filled each to the brim with homemade eggnog, and grinned at one another, the fire of competition now burning in their eyes.

"A la victoire!"

—

"This… This is _reeeeeally_ good." remarked the half-coon, a little unsteady on his feet now that he had drunk so much of the alcoholic eggnog. "Where'd you get this?"

"Recette de famille… Vieux (Family recipe… old one)." the tigress replied, her voice wavering somewhat. "I think, I think your glass is empty."

"So's yours. Refill?"

"S'il vous plait…"

"You're wobblin'. You sure?"

"Ne me fréquenter, Voleur (Don't patronize me, thief)."

"Okay, okay. Here."

Both raised their glasses, then downed them in one go, savoring the flavor of the eggnog. List slumped against the wall, before struggling back to his feet. "I don't… I'm not gonna last another round." he muttered, looking over at the woozy tigress.

Suddenly very deliberate, Alayna delicately placed her glass on the counter, then collapsed to the ground. Surprised, it took the thief a moment to realize what had happened.

"Huh. I win?"

"Vous gagnez, vous… Neuneu (You win, you… dork)." came the reply.

"Hah! I did it! I outdrank youuuuuuu…"

Thud.

—

List clutched his head. "I haven't hurt this much since… I don't know when…" he mumbled, as he slowly returned to consciousness. Where was he, anyway? Headache like this, he must've drunk himself upside-down… It would explain the trouble he was having remembering what had happened.

Strange. There was something warm next to him. Finally forcing his eyes open, he looked around.

"Right… Alayna's apartment. We got into a drinking contest, and… I must've passed out."

Looking down, he was very quickly very awake. Curled up against his front was the Inspector, still asleep.

"Okay, so how did this happen?" he wondered, gently moving her away. "I can't remember… Maybe when my head clears. In the meantime…"

He pulled himself to his feet, looking around the room. "Aspirin… Here."

Quickly downing two of the small pills, he watched as Alayna began to stir. His mind cleared quickly, though his head still ached just a bit.

"Whuh…?" murmured the tigress, looking around slowly. The thief smiled as he saw the gears begin to turn in her head, and she shot awake, adrenaline replacing reason.

"Quand es tu arrivé ici (When did you get here)?!"

"Memory a little foggy? Here. You keep a _lot_ of aspirin on hand, Inspector."

"…Oui. Ce qui est arrivé (What happened)?" she asked, taking the offered pill as she struggled to her feet.

"Drinking contest. I won by a hair."

"Oui, oui. I remember now. The stakes were… I do not remember."

"You said I could make something up afterwards should I win."

"Merde."

"Hey, them's the rules. I didn't make 'em. In fact, if memory serves, _you_ did."

"Just because you won doesn't mean you get to rub it in my face."

"True. Unfortunately, I'm still having trouble thinking up a suitable reward for victory."

"Well, take your time. The snow still hasn't quite let up, so I think we are still stuck here." Alayna observed, looking out the window.

"The others must be getting worried by now…"

"They'll live. I still want to ask a few questions."

"Oh? And here I thought our little Q&A back in England was enough for you. Well, shoot." List replied, wondering what was on her mind.

"Barely scratched the surface, really. First off, the cane. When you used it in Macau, you… Well, I'm sure you remember what happened. You were able to bat away blows that destroyed my weapon with your cane. How is that even possible?"

"Honestly, I'm not really sure. The techniques and materials used to make the Cooper Cane are lost to the ages. All I know for sure is that it's lightweight, sturdy, and extremely good at conducting everything from mystic energy to electricity… Hm. Now that I think about it… I did hear something about its materials a while back."

"Really? And what would that be?"

"Simple. Have you ever heard of Clockwerk?"

"…Le géant hibou métallique mal (The giant evil metal owl)?"

"That's the one. Sure, he was destroyed and rebuilt. But! Apparently, the process that originally replaced his organic body with metal parts? According to the Thievieus Raccoonus, it's somehow related to the process that created the Cooper Cane."

"That's… Not very descriptive."

"The book's really vague about it, but then again, this was way, way back in the first days of the Cooper Clan. It's understandable that they weren't very good about keeping track of that kind of thing. In essence, the steel that the big bad guy is made of is… How do I put this? It's kind of spread out. Somewhat useful than the cane's alloy, but there's more of it. That's why he was defeated the first time; his alloy is vulnerable to some things that the cane isn't."

"Quality versus quantity?"

"Right. That's why the cane has such weird abilities. At least, that's the information I've been able to gather."

"Interesting. You've mentioned the Thievieus Raccoonus a few times, but never really explained what it is."

"It's a journal. It details _everything_ my family has gotten up to - every move created, every heist pulled, every opponent beaten. It's a record of the lives of over six thousand years of master thieves."

"Sounds like quite the page-turner."

"Too bad every story ends the same. All but two; mine, and my father's."

"The same way?"

"…All of my ancestors were murdered by Clockwerk."

Alayna's eyes widened. "…All…?"

"Every. Last. One."

"…Je suis désolé (I'm sorry). Je ne savais pas (I didn't know)."

"It's alright. My dad extracted vengeance already. Clockwerk is gone for good."

"Still, I-"

"Don't worry about it, I'll be fine. Anything else you want to ask?"

"…In Macau, when you took your cane from me… Why?"

List grinned. "The Cooper Cane is a family heirloom I'm not exactly eager to give up. But that's not the question you meant to ask, is it?"

"Damn it, Voleur, don't try to mess around with me!"

"Then ask."

The Inspector let out a heavy sigh. "Fine. Why… Why did you kiss me?"

"And here I thought you might not be able to say it! Well, by means of answer - and consider this my reward for winning our contest earlier-"

A question was taken from Alayna as she found herself in another kiss, this one deeper than the last. A moment later, he broke away, leaving the befuddled tigress leaning against the wall. List had moved to the window, and was crouched on the sill, a smile on his face.

"Maybe I just like dangerous women, but you're a special one, Inspector. 'Till we meet again."

With that, he was gone, leaving her alone with her thoughts. Moments later, she regained her voice.

"Maudits, Voleur. Maudits pour votre sincérité." Alayna murmured, looking out into the snow.

—

Holy crap, this took a long freakin' time to write. I offer two excuses; 'Real Life got in the way' and 'I feel like crap because I caught some nasty bug going around'.

Anyways. There's another quick mini-arc I have in mind, then we head for the next heist. Join us next time for Chapter 25: A Recon Job.

KeyFire… I'm gonna go get my meds. See you.


	25. A Recon Job

Chapter 25: A Recon Job

—

Alright, still sick but doing my best. Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch, and I don't want to be sued.

Oh, and this is where the plot starts to rear its ugly head. Don't worry too much; we're… Actually, I'm not sure how much longer we'll be on this story. Hm. Oh well.

And with that out of the way… Let's get going!

—

"So what's the heist this time?"

"Another low-risk target, but we won't be taking anything material."

"What? Then how are we supposed to turn a profit?"

"Simple. We'll be taking something much more dangerous, much more valuable than anything else in the building; information."

"Okay… But what information am I looking for?"

"Oh, that's simple. See, ThiefNet got me this location, then clammed up. These guys are currently in possession of some _extremely_ valuable information; namely, the identity of the final member of the Steele Gang, one 'Shadow'."

"Shadow? …Really?"

"I know, it's cliched and melodramatic, but as far as codenames for a person trying to keep their real identity off of everyone's radar goes… Well, it's appropriate, at least."

"Well, if this information is really so valuable, how do they have it?"

"Simple. They got lucky… Well, depending on how you look at it. In any case, they managed to screw up an operation of the Shadow's, then escape with their lives. Mostly. More or less. Okay, maybe twenty percent of their force survived."

"And… This was against _one person_ in an all-out firefight?"

"So the story goes. They're hoping to either blackmail the Shadow into not trying to kill them all, or sell the information for a _lot_ of money and disappear."

"Hopeful idiots, then. Who are we racing for this?"

"Racing?"

"Abby, if we have the intel secondhand, then others have it too. Who else has this information?"

"Oh crap. I-I didn't check! I can't believe I overlooked-"

"Calm down. We're on the clock and we don't know the countdown, that's fine. I'll hurry and grab that intel."

"Make sure that you get there first… And now I fear the worst."

"That one was a little forced. We can assume that at least one group is already after this intel, but no signs of forced entry just yet."

As the thief peered around a doorway, he growled.

"Scratch that. Abandon all stealth - we're going in hot for this one."

"Going in hot?"

"Right. Have Rick meet me inside the building - someone's already taken out the poor saps who had the intel."

Picking his way through the room, he grimaced. "Somebody who didn't want to leave any witnesses. Everyone in this room is dead. Looks like someone hosed down the whole place with explosives… then went through and shot every intact body in the head. It's gruesome in here."

"Geez. Talk about thorough… But it isn't anyone on the right side of the law, if they were that brutal."

"It's still warm in here. I mean, the bodies are. Whoever did this, they did it not long ago."

"Then we're not too late. Hurry."

List nodded, then broke into a sprint. It didn't take him long to reach the target room. "Found it. I hear noise on the other side. Sounds like some talking… May be multiple contacts."

"…Can you take them all out?"

"Of course."

"Do it. We can't afford to lose that intel."

List took a breath, then kicked down the door. Eyes widening, he took in the scene.

"Oh cr-"

A concussive blast knocked him off his feet, sending him crashing into the hallway. Groaning in pain, the half-coon pulled himself to his feet, watching as a pair dressed all in black combat gear stepped into the hall after him.

"List Cooper. The Shadow sends their regards, as well as a non-optional invitation."

"Are you trying to fake a voice _and_ using a voice filter? Because seriously, it sounds dumb."

"Observant of you. What else have you noted since you walked into the room?"

"Neither of you is taking any chances - nobody's reflexes are fast enough for that explosion to have gone off, meaning you booby-trapped the door with a hairpin trigger concussion grenade. And for that matter, this entire thing was a setup."

"Clever. Explain."

"The tip Abby received was anonymous and vague. You two killed _everyone_ in the building without alerting anyone, despite it apparently involving high explosives and quite a few bullets. But most incriminating - you called me by _full name_. That means I was expected. I'd bet that the intel I'm looking for isn't even here."

"Well deduced. And correct. You are coming with us."

"And that's where your plan falls apart. Even concussed, I can tell you're both barely armed. I can escape from here fairly easily."

"Which is why we did not use concussion grenades."

"…Aw, crap. Slow acting tranquilizer?"

"It's a nonlethal mixture, but you'll wake up feeling like nine kinds of hell."

"Well, in the few moments before I pass out. What should I expect when I wake up?"

"Why ruin the surprise?"

"Cheeky jerks… Just watch for the bear."

List collapsed, just as a loud crash sounded off. Both dark-clad goons spun around, seeing a mountain of fur and claw bust through the wall with an enormous roar.

"Oh cr-!"

Both were swept aside by a swing of Rick's arm, hitting the wall hard. "I guess I got here right on time, huh?" he grinned, picking up his unconscious friend. "Hey, wake up."

"…Ugh…"

"Come on, wake up!"

"…Geez, that wasn't fun. Thanks for the save, Rick. Grab one of these guys, then let's get going."

"What about the intel we came for?"

"Not here. We're gonna need to get it out of one of these jokers." List remarked, looking over at the two goons.

"Abby said that we should hurry. The police probably won't show up, but who knows what they had as backup."

"Then grab one of them and run. The safe house is near enough that I can get there on foot, so don't worry about me. I'll meet you back there."

"If you say so. Don't keep us waiting too long."

Hauling one of the unconscious goons onto his shoulder, Rick let the thief drop to the ground, then raced away. When he was sure the bear was out of earshot, List crumpled, clutching his head.

"So much pain." he mumbled, struggling back to his feet. "Whatever the hell was in that explosive, I really need to sleep it off… But first…"

A quick look around gave him the information he needed. Pulling out a calling card, he left it where it would be easily spotted, then began to climb. It didn't take him long to reach the rooftop, at which point he collapsed again, groaning in pain.

"Worst… Headache… Ever."

Picking up his cane, he surveyed the roofs. It was surprisingly clear, given Rick's noisy entrance, but that was a condition he was grateful for.

"No time to waste. Gotta get back home." he murmured, checking his location. South… That way. So the safe house was…

Now confident he knew where he was going, the thief hurried towards home. As he stepped onto a clothesline, the siren of a nearby police car went off.

Two thoughts quickly entered his mind. First, that the siren was most likely because of the commotion at the warehouse he had just been in. Second, that his splitting headache was not helping him keep his balance.

Losing his traction on the line, List fell to the street below.

—

"Wakey wakey."

Intense pain flooded his mind. Where was he?

"I said wake up."

Eyes open… Face!

Abby was _pissed_. Growling, she slapped the goon awake.

"Wh… What happened…?"

"Psh. _You_ knocked out List? Either you got _really_ lucky, or List's lost his touch. Now then. You're going to tell me _everything_."

"I was… Taken captive?"

"Preferably starting with the things I _don't_. You work for the Shadow. Therefore, you know _something_ we can use against them."

"Oh. Torture me all you want, I won't betray her!"

"So… The Shadow is a woman."

"Crap."

"Good start. You may notice my pal Rick standing off to your left. He's the one who caused the intense pain you're feeling right now."

"He doesn't scare me."

"Good. He's here to keep me from breaking you in half for what you caused. I know, I don't look like much. But I work with complex organic chemicals very regularly. For example, this."

A small, green container was brought into view.

"B&B gas. This stuff will mess you up _good_. Nothing permanent, nothing lethal, but you _will_ wish you were dead. So, am I going to have to let you find out firsthand how uncomfortable this will make you?"

"…What… What does it do?"

"B. And. B. It stands for 'Barf' and 'Block', respectively. The former is self-explanatory. The latter is as well, though it's certainly not something you want to think about. Let's just say it opens up one end, and plugs the other."

"That doesn't sound too bad."

"Everyone says that. Everyone regrets it. Guess you get to regret."

—

Short chapter. Should _not_ have taken me so long to write.'

Next chapter will be mostly expositionary. I think I've mostly recovered, but I've suffered significant damage to the inspiration, and I've no clue how long it'll take to heal.

Anyways, come back around for Chapter 26: The Deadliest Weapon.

KeyFire, making like peace and _getting out_.


	26. The Deadliest Weapon

Chapter 26: The Deadliest Weapon

—

Okay then. Sly Cooper is Sucker Punch's thing, not mine. I'm just a guy trying to entertain the people who read this.

Still having trouble with inspiration, but I'll try my best. Since we're in the final stretch, I don't want to reuse the same tired formula. Instead… Well, you'll see.

This is still interim, lots and lots of talking. Big important stuff begins… two chapters from now. Still a lot of important info, though.

With that out of the way… Let's roll.

—

Eyes open… What had happened? Oh man, his back hurt.

He forced himself to look up. Blearily blinking the blindness back, List scanned the world around him. Surprise quickly cleared his mind.

"Oh, crud."

"Quelle chance inouïe."

—

"I told you, you'd regret keeping your mouth shut… Such as it is. Seems you've recovered from first exposure. Now… Talk."

"Oh god… That was the worst three hours of my life." the goon gasped, before dry heaving again.

"Talk about something I don't know."

"Do you have any idea… What the Shadow will do to me… If I talk?"

"Worse than another round of the B&B?"

"The Shadow wanted us to hunt down your thief. Concerned about his 'unlikely successes' and how close he was becoming to a member of Interpol."

"Good start. Go on."

—

"I guess my luck's finally run out. So, what am I in for?"

"Everything on your warrants, Voleur. And, to my dismay, they've decided holding you here isn't good enough."

"So…?"

"You'll be transferred to the Interpol Maximum Security Outpost. Your warden, none other than the Interpol Commander. I'll be honest, I'd much rather see to your security myself… Haven't even had a chance to fire my shiny new shock pistol."

"Well, you only got it yesterday. How about I give you the rundown on why I was unconscious in the street?"

"Just like that? Figured you'd want to keep your embarrassment to yourself."

"Ever heard of the Shadow?"

—

"So, since the Shadow didn't want anyone getting too close, she decided to send a fake tip through ThiefNet. We were already supposed to take those idiots out, so this was the cherry on top."

"You said she didn't want him getting too close to Interpol. Why?"

"Because she _runs_ Interpol. The officers are all goody-two-shoes blind-to-the-world types or on her payroll, no exceptions. The Cooper kid was… Influencing… One of the officers."

"Wait, wait, wait. It sounds like you're saying the Shadow is…"

—

"…Interpol Commander Daeva Tyagi."

"It's nice to meet this famous little thief at last. You'll be under _my_ supervision for the remainder of your sentence." the older wolf grinned. She commanded a strong presence, that much List could tell at a glance. Wearing the standard issue all-environ outfit all Interpol officers were issued, she looked surprisingly young at a glance.

"If I had to guess, I'd say you're… 50?"

"Hm. Do I really look that old to you?"

"No. You look 25 at the oldest, but there's a few signs of age hidden under all that good self hygiene."

"Clever little thief."

"A sharp eye is a must in my line of work. I was just informing the good Inspector of the conditions preceding my… Eh…"

"Street nap." Alayna suggested, looking rather smug.

"…More or less, yes."

"Really? I'll look forward to reading the report, then. Your transfer will take place tomorrow morning."

"I can't help but notice that my cane appears to be missing."

"Weapons are confiscated when you're behind bars, thief."

"Aw. It's a family heirloom, though."

"Tell you what - you can have it back when your transfer is complete. Until then, no dice."

"And we have not even begun to file the gear taken off of you. Comment vous portez tous ces trucs-vous (How do you carry all this)?"

List quickly took inventory of the equipment dumped onto the floor. "Hey, my Binocu-com. Classy little thing, don't you think? Lock picks, easy to carry but hard to secure. Backup radio. Pocket of holding - a _lot_ more carrying room than you'd think. Assorted other trinkets and equipment, both for practical use and maybe a bit of superstitious flair. Geez, you cleaned me out."

"That was the point."

—

"If the Interpol Commander is the Shadow…"

"Don't spread it around. I don't know that much about the operation personally, but I can tell you this for sure. The Steele Ring's been working towards something _big_."

"Big profitable, big political, big ideological…?"

"Big _unnatural_. There's all sorts of rumors running around, but none of them are true. Here's the truth, and I've seen this with my own eyes; the Shadow is trying to do something like _voodoo_."

"Voodoo? Listen, the supernatural is something the Cooper Gangs before us have dealt with, but…"

"No, I mean it! Some kind of techno-magic stuff. Like she's trying to… I dunno. I just know there's something that isn't at _all_ right with the machines she's got around the site."

"Site?"

"Under the IMSO. Interpol's Maximum Security Outpost. We were supposed to take your friend there - no idea why. I swear, that's all I know."

"…Fine. But we can't let you run back to the Shadow. You have to disappear."

"…If you plan on…"

"We aren't barbarians, you idiot, and we've got cash to spare. I'll cut you a deal. You keep your mouth shut about this. When asked, tell them you fought your way out without letting anything slip. In return - you get to take a trip. All expenses paid, anywhere you like, anyway you like."

"Wait, really?"

"Of course. You cooperated, so you get a reward. Simple as that."

"You should've opened with that."

"After forcible abduction? Wouldn't have worked. I had to use one hell of a stick. But now you get the carrot. And I get to go and get my friend back."

—

List sighed as he reclined in his cell. "Maximum Security… That's going to be a pain to bust out of. But if I know my team, they're already on their way…"

"Sans blague. Expliquez cela, s'il vous plaît?"

"Explain what?"

The half-coon sat up quickly, looking over at Alayna as she walked back into the room. He grinned as he saw the note she was holding.

"One of the Cooper calling cards. Since I'm in here, it has to be from my gang… And it probably means they want to talk somewhere private."

"Private?"

"Secure. Bugless. You get the idea."

"…I may do just that."

"In any case, I wouldn't tell the Commander if I were you. Something smells fishy about that old wolf."

"The Commander? What in the world are you talking about, Voleur?"

"Simple. You already know not all criminals are equally bad. Sure, I steal, but I only steal from those who didn't deserve to have the stuff in the first place. On the other side of the law, the rule holds; not all cops are equally good. Even those in a position of great power can be corrupt."

"The Commander has a spotless record and psych profile. She has no dirt to dig up."

"Maybe. But I've learned to trust my gut, and my gut says she's a very, very dangerous woman. Do me a favor; talk to my team, then do a little investigation of your own. Decide for yourself."

A moment of silence, before the thief laid back down on the hard steel bench. "But then again, what do I know? I'm just a thief who got caught."

Relaxing on the uncomfortable piece of furniture, he heard the door open once more, and then was alone in the room.

—

Alayna leaned back in her chair. The conversation from earlier was still eating at her, but she had no idea what to do. There was no way she could see to satisfy her curiosity - no way she could conduct an organization without the Commander finding out. Whatever skeletons were in Daeva's closet, if there even were any, the old wolf would bury them long before she had any chance of finding them.

"…I really need to get this evidence filed away, anyways." she muttered, looking over at the stack of thieving gadgetry in the corner. A glint of gold caused her to blink, and she paused.

"Or…"

—

Abby sighed. She had just found the blueprints to the IMSO, and it didn't look good.

"Damn it all. Without a skilled thief, there's no way of getting List out even mid-transfer. The guard is just too heavy and too elite. It'd be like running at a machine gun in the hope of taking out the guy firing without being shot."

"So find someone else who can do acrobatics and pick locks. Shouldn't be that hard, right?" Rick suggested, looking worried for his friend's safety.

"Are you kidding? Even _if_ we could get someone as good as List is - which is _really_ unlikely - the odds of finding someone that skilled willing to break _into_ Interpol'smost inescapable jailare next to nada. Even then, getting in and back _out_ is even _more_ impossible."

"But then how do we get him back out?"

"No bail, life sentence - it's looking like he's stuck there unless we break out everyone in the whole damn place, and there's some real salt-of-the-earth characters in there, too. I think we've got the resources for a prison break en masse, but…"

"Even getting List back out isn't worth letting these jerks out?"

"Something like that, yeah. I'm thinking we're out of options. Especially considering that the good Inspector seems to have rejected our offer to meet…"

"Do not be so quick to assume."

Both bear and jackal whirled around in shock to find a figure crouched in the windowsill, clutching an all-too-familiar cane.

"Sneaking up on you two is much easier than surprising le Voleur. So, what precisely did you want to tell me?"

—

"…And _that's_ what we've dug up so far. A little hacking brought some real dirt to our attention - apparently, the Commander has had a stake in almost every unsolved crime in the Interpol files for the last ten years, and has been in bed with the leaders of practically every large-scale criminal group for at least fifteen years. Real progress against any criminal syndicate is only made at her discretion, but Interpol has a perfect record against those who refused to strike a deal. I might've missed a lot, but I got really lucky and broke her password quickly on her home computer." Abby finished, spinning her chair away from the screen she had been explaining from for a half-hour.

"This kind of corruption… It's ridiculous. How could I have not noticed…?"

"She's gotten really good at concealing evidence and keeping the wool over the upstanding officers' eyes. Sure, she's effective, but this is dishonoring both the criminal underground _and_ the police force. And now she's got List."

"…So what's your plan?"

"We don't have one. The transport is heavily guarded, way too heavily. Meanwhile, the IMSO is practically impenetrable. Short of breaking everyone in the whole place out via large-scale demolition, there's no way we can get him out."

"Practically?"

"The Cooper Clan isn't known as a line of Master Thieves for nothing. If anyone could get in and out undetected, it's List. Or maybe his dad, but even the _phone line_ back to the Cooper residence is under Omega-class quantum encryption five levels deep. Whoever did their data security, they're an absolute _genius_."

"Sounds fancy. Are there any alternatives?"

"…I suppose there's one. List's got the family book, after all. The Thievieus Raccoonus is a complete guide to being a Master Thief… But List would never want to dispense the secrets in that book. Honestly, I'm pretty sure he'd kill us if we let anyone else read it."

"Even as an alternative to spending life in jail?"

"That book is a piece of family history stretching back as long as books have existed. Letting anyone else have a good look at it is _big_."

"How big?"

"Let me put it this way. Before it was passed down to him, he told me it was stored in a vault that his father tried - and _failed_ \- to break into _five separate times_. And his dad had the _key_! He was just testing it to see if it was absolutely thief-proof!"

"That… Wow. Sounds like he would rather be dead than give up the book."

"Look, I think the choice is pretty clear here." Rick interjected, looking annoyed. "Either we let someone read the book and save List, or we don't and he spends the rest of his life rotting away in a cell. I don't know about you guys, but I'd rather he hated me forever than let my pal just sit there forever."

The hacker sighed, then turned back to her computer, beginning to type again.

"…Rick brings up a good point. But who can we get who's willing to break into the IMSO? Hell, who can we trust to do that?"

Abby blinked, then slowly turned away from her computer. A confused expression came across Alayna's face as she found herself being looked at by both bear and jackal.

"…Qu'est-ce tout le monde me regarde pour (What's everyone looking at me for)?"

—

…Yeah, I'm not dead. Sorry to leave everyone hanging like this. I cannot promise a 'soon' chapter, but I'll try. It's a problem of mine. Inspiration is a finite resource and it's difficult for me to keep it flowing for a single project.

I'll try to bring this story to a satisfying conclusion, I can promise that. Anyways, tune in next time for Chapter 27: The Hazard Room, and a crash course in the ways of the Thievieus Raccoonus.

KeyFire, peacing out!


End file.
